Toilet Rules?

posted on 14 Nov 2007 in Chinglish

 

Photo courtesy of John and Jemi Holmes.

Found at public toilet in Sichuan Province, China.

(Enhanced contrast of photo for readability.)

149 captions

  1. Joe | 6:06 pm |

    And I was planning on boiling food in the toilet. I just love that isedible flavor!

  2. HANNAHLEE | 2:04 pm |

    everyone wants a clean toilenviornment

  3. angeltuned | 11:15 pm |

    apparently, the toilet doubles as a foot wash. o_o

  4. Kelly | 4:05 am |

    i need to go to the bathroom. my foot is feeling dissatified.

  5. Emu | 5:08 am |

    Wow, these toilets can be used for so much! Washing, boiling food, I’d better get one.

  6. Lollerskate | 5:26 pm |

    Never thought reading a beard could be so much fun!

  7. nick | 5:14 am |

    You will grow a beard reading this notice…oh and by the time you finish you probably wont need to go anymore

  8. Wowzers | 4:12 pm |

    Do Not clamour loudly as to not frighten other toilet goers… may clamour softly..

  9. Ellen | 12:55 am |

    Please step around the puddle directly under this sign.

  10. Ellen | 12:56 am |

    Thanks, but I think I can figure it out on my own.

  11. Kira | 8:12 pm |

    No going in the pond? Darn! I better read the rest to find out how to use the toilet….

  12. Michele | 11:41 pm |

    Person only ? Damn…i gotta take my moose somewhere else to relieve itself then………

  13. craplo | 4:46 am |

    Disorderly painting with clamorous bowel movements out of the question then?

  14. cedlin | 12:32 pm |

    Think I’ll just wait until I get home…

  15. Mike | 1:04 am |

    Ok…???

  16. spirit | 1:48 am |

    “To be, or not to be”
    Can I go to the bathroom now?

  17. enLique | 5:59 pm |

    Blackbeard, meet Toiletbeard. Greeting etiquite involves placing excrement explicitly IN the toilet of dissatisfied foot.

  18. rod | 10:11 pm |

    That is why sometimes when I am go into toilet am freightened.

  19. Wes | 8:53 pm |

    also don’t carp in the toilet, it’s bad for it.

  20. Trinity | 5:32 am |

    TL;DR

  21. majipa | 8:11 pm |

    Thanks NO THANKS

    I am already constipated !

  22. Cbass | 1:25 pm |

    The first draft of the ten commandents with a little known extra commandment. Thou shalt not the interference into the toilet into the toilet.

  23. pech | 8:52 pm |

    Only one person at a time can have a bowel movement with their dissatisfied foot into the toilet beard. To cause leakage, do not spread! Beard leaks automatically the excrement.

  24. Kamiyoko | 12:34 am |

    7. YEA boil your food in the toilet!

  25. Jook Man | 4:07 pm |

    I didn’t see any rules against smoking while I’m taking a beard.

  26. Jamie | 12:59 am |

    No pay you go dissatisfied bowels move down foot

  27. Kechu723 | 6:03 pm |

    It is forbidden to boil isedibles in, frighten, or move this toilet tool to did it touse, but you may place dissatisfied foot in toilet to have bowel movement outside of request…

  28. alvaro-1 | 7:04 am |

    WOW!….i’ll wait till I get home then. I don know how to use choilet.

  29. sean | 7:28 am |

    take good care of the wall…write a disorderly painting..as in write GRAFFITTI

  30. sean | 7:48 am |

    Yah right..latest chechnology from China..choilet.

  31. captain obvious | 10:20 am |

    okay i won’t urine the pond, or cook foods in toilenvironment, and i read this beard, i think i understand. this is a swirly machine, now where’s the guy who wrote this thing…

  32. Johan | 7:42 am |

    Read the beard. Know the beard. Toilet the beard. Act according to carry on.

  33. Geoff | 1:13 am |

    to prevent make other to go in toilet not FRIGHTEN !!! haha !!! very scary !!!

  34. BigFatCat | 8:48 am |

    Am I farting too loud?

  35. fondoodoo | 10:58 am |

    “a wall the confusion write”. I believe they have just broken one of their own rules.

  36. sk8erJon | 8:15 am |

    i just ate 30 hamburgers….time to go frighten some toilets with clamor from my dissatisfied foot!

  37. DatGurl | 10:56 pm |

    Anyone can not with any form…enter into the toilet!……Make a “form” approved first before enter

  38. DatGurl | 10:58 pm |

    TOILET OF ATTENTION

  39. iMerv | 7:17 am |

    You wouldn’t need to use the toilet by time you’ve read this sign, you would have already p!ssed yourself laughing!

  40. Comer | 2:31 am |

    Damn, I pissed my pants and i was only down to number 6. Now i truly have a dissatisfied foot.

    :o)

  41. jayjay | 6:56 pm |

    save the toilenvironment !

  42. jayjay | 6:59 pm |

    um where do i get my toilet form approved ?

  43. Frank | 9:53 pm |

    I sh*t my pants reading while this notice

  44. Anonymous | 10:09 am |

    Translation: Don’t step in the toilet after making a poo-poo.

  45. Mama | 6:01 pm |

    Holy Crap!

  46. limo | 2:31 pm |

    Wow I’ve finally read the rules… Oh no I pee’d myself

  47. mitsjc | 8:51 am |

    Why didn’t I learn those rules as a kid?

  48. waseem | 3:46 am |

    Stupid! who has so much time to read your toilet rules while holding the belly with flushing pain….

  49. Luke | 7:34 am |

    Thank you so much: now I know hard into the toilet.

  50. munchy365 | 11:43 am |

    This is what happens when they hire Sarah Palin to make public signs.

  51. Lena | 8:00 am |

    just one question,, if the dissatisfied foot want movement of the bowels in the urine the pond, can it still act accroding to carry on? or must it request the intestablishment of toilet beard?

  52. Ella | 1:43 am |

    Did you know my dissatisfied foot likes isedible flavor?

  53. Donna | 10:24 pm |

    If the water from the toilet isedible can we at least eat the fish from the urine pond?

  54. Jeaux | 8:52 am |

    The foot dissatisfied with reading of this beard of conduct for proper toilenvironment protocol.

  55. Adam | 8:17 pm |

    I tried to translate this . . . help the anyone offer internet?

  56. Pyth007 | 8:55 am |

    No! When I suggested using fountains of cherubs pissing into the pond, I didn’t mean to fill it with urine!

  57. ArchdukeLancet | 6:12 am |

    “Beard” in simplified Chinese has the same character with “need( to )”,
    “beard know” actually means “need to know”.
    Good old free online translator.

  58. Amanda | 6:38 pm |

    Too bad I can’t clamor loudly. I usually like to frighten others.

  59. UU | 7:49 am |

    …yes… exactly what it says…

  60. Lollerskate | 11:59 pm |

    …The mos tinstructive beard in the world, ladies and gentlemen.

  61. Justin | 6:14 pm |

    But what if I WANT to make loud noises in the bathroom?

  62. Justin | 6:16 pm |

    REmeber guys, one cannot spread to leak

  63. J. B. King, Esq. | 11:42 am |

    Reads like a poem by Gertrude Stein.

  64. Taria | 9:28 pm |

    You know your country is technologically advanced when they invent a toilet that can also function as a foot bath, stove top, and canvas.

  65. Christine | 2:21 pm |

    Well, crap! I like to clamor loudly while making excrement with my dis-satisfied foot in toilet! How will I go toilet now?

  66. Christine | 2:23 pm |

    By the time one reads toilet rules, one has already crapped oneself! And clamored loudly while doing it….

  67. Rags | 9:55 am |

    Urine in the pond. No wonder the fish died.

  68. Fietsbelle | 12:13 pm |

    Beard knows i’ve been in here too often with my dissatisfied feet and he bowelmovements…

  69. Fietsbelle | 12:14 pm |

    Beard knows i’ve been in here too often with my dissatisfied feet and these Beardawful bowelmovements…

  70. Zerosignal | 11:09 pm |

    do not wear clown mask into other persons toilet place to frighten others. in case of emergency, break down toilet wall, but please until finished with business, or it may frighten others.

  71. Ghost08 | 2:08 am |

    toilet training from a sign–now ive seen every thing

  72. Ayabie fan | 12:25 pm |

    “All your base are belong to us” ?

  73. vivlom | 7:04 am |

    I’m definitely using the toilet of attention

  74. chickenman | 7:49 am |

    Sign Made At the Public Toilets for Geroge Michel.

  75. Emmalee | 8:22 am |

    Damn, I was SO looking forward to removing my bowels in that Pond … nevermind, I’ll find another one.

  76. GinsuGirl | 1:39 am |

    On second thought, there’s a nice park over there…

  77. DP Interworld | 9:52 pm |

    Just in time to faint and flush your beard in the toilet bowl after reading the whole shebang.

  78. GoIntoTheToilet | 3:44 am |

    I want to see the toilet that grow a BEARD !!!

  79. GoIntoTheToilet | 3:53 am |

    The confusion write of a plank namely a wall of toilet beard enough to make me disorderly frighten … fyuhhh..

  80. Bleemer | 10:02 am |

    Arrrrr! Shiver my timbers Toilet Beard

  81. jsmith | 4:30 pm |

    The First Rule of Toilet Beard Club:

    THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!

  82. John A. McCain | 5:41 pm |

    My favorite is line 5 because I know what they’re trying to say and it seems like something one of my friends would do.

  83. JFreakie | 12:22 am |

    That’s alot of rules to follow just going to the toilet…

  84. Morgan | 10:48 am |

    in the toilet with the go into toilet and the excrement with toilet leaking of dispersion beard of the toilet tool of toilet.

  85. gundrid | 12:08 am |

    I cant go in there–I’m frightened of clamoring toilet users!

  86. Nuke fizzix | 4:35 pm |

    I wasn’t really planning on moving my poo into the urine pond…

  87. Tang | 9:49 pm |

    But… I need to separate my planks to provide into the toilet place!

  88. gak | 5:01 pm |

    oh no! i have foot my bowel to the pond, clamor the frighten away! help! too bad attention beard not know me first! help!

  89. Rawrs | 10:13 pm |

    I’m sorry, but my bowels have a mind of their own. Ponds intimidate them. 😀

  90. Bob | 12:18 pm |

    And now grasshopper, if you can just at earnest go into toilet carry on any bother, you have learned…..

  91. WALDO | 8:09 pm |

    are you sure this toilet doesn’t provide into the eating place? i think i saw a poo poo platter back there!

  92. Bree | 11:15 pm |

    Toilets have beards?

  93. Moo | 12:03 pm |

    Read the toilet beard and get hard.

  94. joy | 6:31 pm |

    anybody with compulsive rule applying disorder is expected to burst his bladder in front of this sign

  95. Jin | 2:36 pm |

    they got the spelling right at least

  96. tashi | 7:32 pm |

    If excrementing same time on iPhone and surfing web with Chinese Toilet onto Google Translator with English not better.

  97. Cathy-chan | 10:29 am |

    You lost me at “Go into the toilet beard know”.

  98. Neals | 11:36 pm |

    Oh crap, now ya tell me. I read the sign on the way out. Bet I broke 10 outta 11 of your little rules here.

  99. Nick Shooter | 8:49 am |

    Is it a toiletfacilities or a toiletenvironment? This sign lacks clarity.

  100. Nick Shooter | 8:51 am |

    Excuse my grammar, I meant toilenvironment.

  101. katie | 5:51 pm |

    Damn it! I thought i could get away with boiling my food in there!

  102. garudamon11 | 3:40 pm |

    “Because of monkeys” …..

  103. Ghighman | 2:02 pm |

    damn i need to place some excrements…;)

  104. snopes | 4:30 pm |

    And just what part of this don’t you not to understand?

  105. bridget | 6:03 pm |

    At least THIS one doesn’t have cameras!!!!

  106. Iam Jhonsoon | 10:49 pm |

    1. Each toilet cubicle has a limited occupancy of 1 person only. (Don’t try to save space by sharing a toilet with your friend at the same time.)
    2. Only release your excrement into the toilet bowl. If you release it anywhere else, the dissatisfied foot of the management will kick you.
    3. You must take good care of the toilet facilities. It is strictly forbidden to remove the toilet from the cubicle and take it out of the toilet room.
    4. Place your excrement in the excrement bucket provided. If you release it into the toilet bowl, it could block the toilet causing it to leak (overflow).
    5. To avoid scaring other toilet users, don’t scream inside the toilet, even if you’re very constipated.
    6. Don’t interfere with other people while they are enjoying the toilet. Allow them to release their excrement in peace.
    7. Don’t boil food in the toilet. Eat in the cafeteria instead.
    8. No idea!
    9. No graffiti writing.
    10. Don’t release excrement in the urinals.
    11. No unlawful carrying-on in the toilet and no hard parts of the anatomy.

  107. Iam Jhonsoon | 11:08 pm |

    I had a second thought. I think the whole thing means “Foreign men with beards must not hang around in these toilets violating young Chinese men”, or something along these lines.

  108. Nat | 4:21 pm |

    uh. . . maybe we should wait until we get back to the hotel

  109. piscesix | 9:28 am |

    only thing i understand is toilet.lol

  110. Max | 7:39 am |

    Uh yeah..cuz it’s so often you see/smell people boiling toilet water to make their food.

  111. Bob | 2:00 am |

    My guess on 8 is “If you really need to use the toilet, then do it; don’t just hang around in here bothering people.” And I think 10 is more like “Please study these rules and make an effort to follow them.”

  112. Lyn | 9:41 pm |

    With all these rules I think I’ll just hold it in….

  113. drumming_panda | 6:03 pm |

    Are you clamoring around in the toilet again?!?!

  114. Spence | 12:40 am |

    Van Gogh started his painting career when his foot was trying to re-satisfy itself, but, in the confusion, he accidentally broke the wall. As punishment, he was forced to make a disorderly painting, and that’s what got him into abstract art.

  115. bobdog | 7:08 am |

    a movable toilet? wherein U can boil foods ! oh yeah`, u can’t really remove the bowels from the pond~ :) fishes ate them all!

  116. munrok | 8:57 pm |

    By the time it took to read sign, I crapped oneself

  117. don | 8:54 am |

    i cant imagine someone taking a crap while yelling so loudly that other people get frightened ^_^

  118. Lala | 1:04 am |

    i dont want go to china anymore!!!

  119. TP | 9:29 am |

    Al Gore’s next crusade: Saving the toilenviromnent from disorderly painting.

  120. TP | 9:31 am |

    Doctor, the problem seems to be that I just Can not move bowels in the urine pond….can you help me?

  121. kevin | 9:53 pm |

    Maybe the Chinese are just trying to mess with us!!! creative, I is.

  122. Vyachislav | 2:57 pm |

    I knew a guy who know hard in toilet. He was gross.

  123. DrLex | 6:46 am |

    How am I supposed to place excrement in intestablishment if I’m not allowed to move my bowels?

  124. Kurt Hudson | 12:58 am |

    Respect the beard

  125. JD | 3:25 am |

    Where is the next closest loo ….. without a beard ….

  126. pauloo | 9:51 am |

    Boy, they sure do take many precautions against the occasional toilet boil, common among poor folk unable to access a soup kitchen or stove top to cook their meals.

  127. Clair | 6:56 pm |

    make a food that is take isedible? YUMMY!

  128. mike | 7:29 pm |

    Best Engrish ever! Completely and utterly baffling to the point of being surreal.

  129. Doff | 7:47 am |

    I will take these 11 rules to heart. I have no idea what the heck they are, but still. Looks like a lot of work went into them.

  130. MC | 12:36 pm |

    The 11 Commandments:
    1. Thou shalt have no others in toilet with thee
    2.Thou shalt wash feet in toilet after relieving waste
    3.Thou shalt not steal toilet
    4. Thou shalt not allow waste to leak out of toilet
    5. Thou shalt not scare others with loud noises
    6. Thou shalt not interfere with people relieving waste
    7. Thou shalt not prepare food in toilet
    8. Thou shalt not enter toilet with the sole purpose of bothering others.
    9. Thou shalt not paint on thy separating planks
    10.Thou shalt not release solid waste into urinals
    11. Observe these rules and keep them holy

  131. racist park | 5:16 am |

    My beard (even though I don’t have one) knows that this thing’s wrong.

  132. Skippy | 11:14 pm |

    Toilet Beard, wasn’t he on “Lord Of The Rings, The Two Toilets”?

  133. Chickentacos | 10:57 pm |

    “Damn, it won’t come out, hey Bill, get the jaws of life!”

  134. Chickentacos | 11:00 pm |

    Think I got some crap in my beard…

  135. elrem | 12:50 pm |

    i pee’d on my pants halfway through this while using my laptop at starbucks — god am i not glad im in toronto and not in china!

  136. Kate Shepherd | 8:11 pm |

    Oh no
    g2g, the coppahs pursuin’ cuz I
    moved my bowels in the urine the pond

  137. Curt Allred | 4:50 pm |

    Okay – some of these Engrish signs are somewhat legible, perhaps at best including parts where it’s completely nonsense. But this sign wins the prize for being 100% nonsense. Someone did (it seems) figure out what message each of these items is meant to convey, but this sign just totally stands out for its absolute abandon of reason, logic and grammar. Bravo!

  138. Mari-Ma | 12:52 pm |

    If you disobey, Toilet Beard will make you walk the plank…

  139. DragonLady | 3:19 pm |

    New Britflick: CARRY ON TOILET

  140. Bill Braskey | 2:57 pm |

    …but I can’t POOP unless I clamor loudly in the toilet!

  141. Zaphod | 5:41 am |

    …and no bloody singing!!!

  142. pyraetos | 7:06 pm |

    The last rule is to please read this beard…. Also, be sure to protect the toilenvironment!

  143. pete | 1:22 pm |

    I have a beard myself, but I’ve never thought I can read it… xxD

  144. Step 1: Read beard, know hard toilenvironment laws
    Step 2: Consult toiletlawyer
    Step 3: Sign a person only limited toilecontract
    Step 4: Remove bother and dissatisfied foot and place them near entrance
    Step 5: Paciently wait previous relievers to finish, re-read beard
    Step 6: Go into the toilet into the toilet
    Step 7: Release easy to not frighten next relievers
    Step 8: Place wise according to teachings
    Step 9: Shoot yourself a pic, place it on wall of confusion
    Step 10: Thank the beard thank the beard

  145. cvlkjzxhjkjhzx | 6:48 am |

    Ran this through google translate, English to Chinese, then back again, three times… got even more messed up.

    Know to the toilet beard
    The service of the bathroom there is a limit
    2 toilets, the only requirement in the outside toilet, can not meet the foot to the toilet bowel
    To to the toilet, toilet facilities, strictly lying on the prohibition of mobile toilets tools, it uses
    4, into the toilet beard on intestablishment feces tools, can not diffuse into the drain
    5, the toilet to be afraid of the toilet loudly into the toilet to prevent other noise.
    6, go to the toilet, can not interfere with the normal into the toilet and into the toilet,
    7, go to the toilet, not boiling, food consumption on the toilet, to prevent decomposition into a hard environment
    8, no person shall in any way, but a serious effort to toilet into a the toilet interference to prevent disperison concern.
    Please take care of public facilities should not be confused with the wooden walls of the Song and Dance Ensemble, write to draw the obstacles
    10, can not move the intestines urin pond
    11, please read the beard is difficult to know in the toilet, and follow the behavior

  146. bret vale | 1:21 am |

    i clamour loudly in to cause a person entering the toilet frighten or watever

  147. TheInterlang | 6:12 pm |

    Who calls a list of instructions a “beard”

  148. carry on | 3:55 pm |

    GO INTO
    TOILET
    and
    CARRY
    ON

  149. Seventy2rd o clock | 6:20 pm |

    Shortly:

    Go into the toilet. This toilet.

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