And if you’re dead, please get to a hospital…
Photo courtesy of John V.
Found in Shanghai, China.
If the police are stolen, call you at once.
Yes, and I will put a reward out for myself
Mister Stoler, can I borrow phone of you?
Also If lost please be finding yourself and going to your bangolow.
excuse me mr officer i seem to be stolen, my i ask how that happened i have no idea i was sitting here quietly and someone picked me up and ran off
If missing, stay where you are.
I was stolen. I need to be found help me!!!!!!!!!!
excuse me…. i seem to have been stolen, mr. officer.
911: this is 911 what is your emergency?
Man: HELP! I’ve been stolen!
911: by whom?
Man: My wife!
911: where are you located?, we’ll send help immeaditly!
Man: I don’t know! last thing I rember, I was in a suit and I said” I do”, and then I was here.
911: (dial tone)
…and also in your “Kidnaping Survival Kit” you will find a cell phone.
…. Unless you haven’t payed your taxes… In that case you’re better of disappeared
Your you or your life!
If humor is the best medicine (and I believe it is) this site is full of “health”.
Yeah, borrow a phone from Mr. Stoler. EASY.
i’m holding myself for ransom.
I don’t have to, I’m rigged to a burglar alarm anyway
And if your house is a pile of ashes, call the fire department.
It has a direct translation to Colombian Spanish: “si usted es robado, llame a la policÃa de una”
But what if my phone gets stolen too?!
And if you’re pregnant, please use protection.
if you stolen pls check out who stole you, if not we can’t find you.
It is for your own safety.
Mr.Police? You stole my stealer
CELL PHONE PROVIDED BY THEIF
And don’t forget to drop by the police station…
Sure I will. But I need to make sure I bring my phone along when Im stolen. And hope the reception there is good! ;p
Incomply at your own expense.
did they steal my nuts?
… so you can be returned to your rightful owner.
China is beating Japan at Engrish.
If you feel like you’ve been stolen, get help anyway.
However, if you’ve merely been lost, please check the last place you left yourself. You’ll usually find you there.
Note: When I first read this one there was an advertisement for Lo-Jack at the top of the page! I kid you not! LOL!
dont forget to give the license plate number of the viehicle of mr. Stoler.
make sure the thief has a handphone.
Notice how they didn’t leave the number for the police station… o.O
“Please not that you might be held for evidence”
i don’t think i’ve stolen me i think i’ve lost me and i just can’t remember the last place i put myself. or maybe i just ran away–i should have bought myself that puppy so i wouldn’t have to run away from myself.
if you are misplace only, please to look for self in elsewhere and not to be the disturb of others peaceful
Now that’s what I call “Shanghai’d!”
Hey kidnappers I’m supposed to call the police if I’m missing so can I just borrow that phone for a sec. thanks.
Stolen you is? You to be sucking bad! Holding now please the line.
Hey Mr.Stealer! Can I borrow your phone?
If one can be stolen, one deserved to be stolen.
police? I was kidna…err, I mean stolen
If you are stolen, remember to rescue yourself
But what if I’m borrowed without asking?
And if you’re on fire, Please call the fire department at once! Then call the police, the ambulance…
because YOUR problems are OUR problems.
CAN I CLAIM FROM INSURANCE
I’ll after the thief to catch back my phone then call the police.
Excuse me, is there a reward out for the safe return of myself to me?
I think if I were stolen, I would just steal myself back. Hey, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there……..
And if horse is out, please to be closing barn door.
Hey, but if you are sexually abused, don’t come crying to me!
And if the guy stole the police too?
good luck with that…oh! and tell me how it gos
I was already stolen twice! I KNOW what to do, for Gosh sakes!
If your phone is stolen, call your phone at once. Then call the police
Please have picture of you handy.
Police: “Hmmmm… This looks like an inside job.’
Oh snap! My phone’s stolen too!
Where is Liam Neeson when we need him?
Before to call, eating breakfast for long life. Each 18 dollar West Many Privates police to bringing.
Very good advice if they don’t steal your phone.
………. And they don’t even leave a f*cking number!
Call that “kidnapped” and you’ll be fine
This happens to me all the time, try my advice. The police are good for nothing call your local grocers, they’ll send you a bag of fresh herpes for 95 cents only, then douse the stealer with them.
and if your possessions are kidnapped…
Unless you’re in the witness protection program…
because possesion is kyu % ju of the law!
false alarm… i was just being borrowed. silly me
for if busy telephone, please to check number of correctness and to happily dial again
remember: when of people stealing, observe safety of others and to proper clean of mess. domo arigato. gozai mas
for cries of help please to be not disturb of others and use to respect of telephone only
if waiting for to be stolen, this is correct location
japan… we wife swap for keeps!
Let’s see, am I stolen or have I simply misplaced myself again…
But if you lose consciousness, please remember CPR.
I actually read in one of the “Dumb Criminals” books that a Chinese kidnap victim was taken to Canada and was told to call his family to tell them their ransom demands. The victim, speaking in Chinese (which the kidnappers didn’t know), told his family where he was, and the police were able to find him and the kidnappers soon after. So a Chinese “stolen person” really WAS able to contact the police, albeit indirectly.
And If cremated contact your local crematorium.
I’ve not been stolen, the kidnapper’s only borrowing me…
If you are kidnapped, please call morgue asap.
if you are stolen yourself, what about you ?
ME: I’m here to collect the reward.
SERGEANT: For what
ME: For the capture of my kidnapper.
If you see someone stolen, let the police call them.
U wanna b kidnapped?
You have to find yourself first, though.
“We’ll do our best to find you! But you gotta be patient!”
If you call the police please make sure you are not mister Stoler
– You have a right to remain stolen, Sir.
But if you are stoned, police will call YOU
I should really lock my doors more often.
Last night burglars broke into my house. I looked all over and it appeared at first that nothing was stolen. But then, I realized – I didn’t see myself! I had been stolen!
They have such a problem with people getting stolen in Shanghai that it became a verb.
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