Hey, you gotta do your part…

posted on 4 Feb 2008 in Chinglish

And if you’re dead, please get to a hospital…

Photo courtesy of John V.
Found in Shanghai, China.

82 captions

  1. Sera | 7:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 87  Subtract rating 0  

    If the police are stolen, call you at once.

  2. me | 11:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 41  Subtract rating 0  

    Yes, and I will put a reward out for myself

  3. Blake | 3:50 pm |  Vote: Add rating 32  Subtract rating 2  

    Mister Stoler, can I borrow phone of you?

  4. pat | 4:02 pm |  Vote: Add rating 24  Subtract rating 0  

    Also If lost please be finding yourself and going to your bangolow.

  5. Zoe | 1:06 pm |  Vote: Add rating 28  Subtract rating 0  

    excuse me mr officer i seem to be stolen, my i ask how that happened i have no idea i was sitting here quietly and someone picked me up and ran off

  6. Emery Ward | 1:01 pm |  Vote: Add rating 22  Subtract rating 0  

    If missing, stay where you are.

  7. patrick b | 2:13 pm |  Vote: Add rating 13  Subtract rating 0  

    I was stolen. I need to be found help me!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Choco Latte | 8:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 8  Subtract rating 0  

    excuse me…. i seem to have been stolen, mr. officer.

  9. Wes | 8:12 pm |  Vote: Add rating 17  Subtract rating 1  

    911: this is 911 what is your emergency?
    Man: HELP! I’ve been stolen!
    911: by whom?
    Man: My wife!
    911: where are you located?, we’ll send help immeaditly!
    Man: I don’t know! last thing I rember, I was in a suit and I said” I do”, and then I was here.
    911: (dial tone)

  10. steakman | 9:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    …and also in your “Kidnaping Survival Kit” you will find a cell phone.

  11. Max | 9:37 pm |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    …. Unless you haven’t payed your taxes… In that case you’re better of disappeared

  12. Thrakir | 11:36 pm |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    Your you or your life!

  13. Kellevision | 9:01 pm |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    If humor is the best medicine (and I believe it is) this site is full of “health”.

  14. Ethan | 11:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Yeah, borrow a phone from Mr. Stoler. EASY.

  15. kris | 10:27 pm |  Vote: Add rating 9  Subtract rating 0  

    i’m holding myself for ransom.

  16. Slipperywhenfrosty | 11:13 pm |  Vote: Add rating 6  Subtract rating 0  

    I don’t have to, I’m rigged to a burglar alarm anyway

  17. hasteroth | 10:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    And if your house is a pile of ashes, call the fire department.

  18. Kotarou | 8:21 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It has a direct translation to Colombian Spanish: “si usted es robado, llame a la policía de una”

  19. Mazaki | 2:22 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 1  

    But what if my phone gets stolen too?!

  20. Diddims | 11:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 11  Subtract rating 0  

    And if you’re pregnant, please use protection.

  21. bule | 10:23 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    if you stolen pls check out who stole you, if not we can’t find you.

  22. Belbe | 10:19 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It is for your own safety.

  23. Justin | 3:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    Mr.Police? You stole my stealer

  24. I SPEAKED MOST CORRECTTALLY | 3:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    CELL PHONE PROVIDED BY THEIF

  25. BarneyYeeha | 12:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    And don’t forget to drop by the police station…

  26. Angeline | 12:22 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Sure I will. But I need to make sure I bring my phone along when Im stolen. And hope the reception there is good! ;p

  27. Belbe | 2:02 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Incomply at your own expense.

  28. lamekid | 8:01 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    did they steal my nuts?

  29. nightvisiongoggles | 1:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 12  Subtract rating 0  

    … so you can be returned to your rightful owner.

    China is beating Japan at Engrish.

  30. TJ | 8:04 pm |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    If you feel like you’ve been stolen, get help anyway.

  31. Purplehound | 3:45 pm |  Vote: Add rating 10  Subtract rating 0  

    However, if you’ve merely been lost, please check the last place you left yourself. You’ll usually find you there.

    Note: When I first read this one there was an advertisement for Lo-Jack at the top of the page! I kid you not! LOL!

  32. Jamie Brannon | 8:12 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    dont forget to give the license plate number of the viehicle of mr. Stoler.

  33. xpyonedge | 9:57 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    make sure the thief has a handphone.

  34. Ruth | 1:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Notice how they didn’t leave the number for the police station… o.O

  35. Kees | 1:41 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    “Please not that you might be held for evidence”

  36. Ghost08 | 10:06 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    i don’t think i’ve stolen me i think i’ve lost me and i just can’t remember the last place i put myself. or maybe i just ran away–i should have bought myself that puppy so i wouldn’t have to run away from myself.

  37. Trish | 12:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    if you are misplace only, please to look for self in elsewhere and not to be the disturb of others peaceful

  38. Steve | 1:09 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Now that’s what I call “Shanghai’d!”

  39. Chaz | 8:42 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Hey kidnappers I’m supposed to call the police if I’m missing so can I just borrow that phone for a sec. thanks.

  40. sum yun gi | 10:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Stolen you is? You to be sucking bad! Holding now please the line.

  41. Ethan | 9:24 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Hey Mr.Stealer! Can I borrow your phone?

  42. DP Interworld | 9:41 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    If one can be stolen, one deserved to be stolen.

  43. Fede | 12:03 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    police? I was kidna…err, I mean stolen

  44. bubbathesnubba | 2:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    If you are stolen, remember to rescue yourself

  45. Cocococo | 4:11 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    But what if I’m borrowed without asking?

  46. Sashi! (not really) | 7:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    And if you’re on fire, Please call the fire department at once! Then call the police, the ambulance…

  47. georgie | 10:09 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    because YOUR problems are OUR problems.

  48. KC | 4:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    CAN I CLAIM FROM INSURANCE

  49. Lil' Torres | 4:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ll after the thief to catch back my phone then call the police.

  50. SCS | 12:50 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Ooooo…..steal me!

  51. Celeste | 6:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Excuse me, is there a reward out for the safe return of myself to me?

  52. anonymous | 2:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    I think if I were stolen, I would just steal myself back. Hey, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there……..

  53. snopes | 4:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    And if horse is out, please to be closing barn door.

  54. Jeff | 12:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hey, but if you are sexually abused, don’t come crying to me!

  55. me | 4:04 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    And if the guy stole the police too?

  56. iM CRAZY!! | 4:44 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    good luck with that…oh! and tell me how it gos

  57. mickeygreeneyes | 9:03 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I was already stolen twice! I KNOW what to do, for Gosh sakes!

  58. Th4 | 6:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    If your phone is stolen, call your phone at once. Then call the police

  59. FatKenney | 5:15 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Please have picture of you handy.

  60. FatKenney | 5:16 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Police: “Hmmmm… This looks like an inside job.’

  61. chickenman | 3:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Oh snap! My phone’s stolen too!

  62. chickenman | 3:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Where is Liam Neeson when we need him?

  63. Steve | 1:54 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Before to call, eating breakfast for long life. Each 18 dollar West Many Privates police to bringing.

  64. John | 8:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Very good advice if they don’t steal your phone.

  65. Dermot | 10:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    ………. And they don’t even leave a f*cking number!

  66. racist park | 1:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Call that “kidnapped” and you’ll be fine

  67. loserbeep | 3:27 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    This happens to me all the time, try my advice. The police are good for nothing call your local grocers, they’ll send you a bag of fresh herpes for 95 cents only, then douse the stealer with them.

  68. liam1224 | 2:04 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    and if your possessions are kidnapped…

  69. Tom Sillers | 2:22 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Unless you’re in the witness protection program…

  70. takatomon | 1:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    because possesion is kyu % ju of the law!
    ——————————————————————————————–
    false alarm… i was just being borrowed. silly me
    ——————————————————————————————–
    for if busy telephone, please to check number of correctness and to happily dial again
    ——————————————————————————————–
    remember: when of people stealing, observe safety of others and to proper clean of mess. domo arigato. gozai mas
    ——————————————————————————————–
    for cries of help please to be not disturb of others and use to respect of telephone only
    ——————————————————————————————–
    if waiting for to be stolen, this is correct location
    ——————————————————————————————–
    japan… we wife swap for keeps!

  71. krypto | 3:28 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Let’s see, am I stolen or have I simply misplaced myself again…

  72. Kat | 4:22 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    But if you lose consciousness, please remember CPR.

  73. Long Tom | 5:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    I actually read in one of the “Dumb Criminals” books that a Chinese kidnap victim was taken to Canada and was told to call his family to tell them their ransom demands. The victim, speaking in Chinese (which the kidnappers didn’t know), told his family where he was, and the police were able to find him and the kidnappers soon after. So a Chinese “stolen person” really WAS able to contact the police, albeit indirectly.

  74. Scorch855 | 7:05 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    And If cremated contact your local crematorium.

  75. Jamyskis | 7:55 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ve not been stolen, the kidnapper’s only borrowing me…

  76. Gerson | 3:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    If you are kidnapped, please call morgue asap.

  77. emr_nyc | 12:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    if you are stolen yourself, what about you ?

  78. coffeebot | 10:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    ME: I’m here to collect the reward.
    SERGEANT: For what
    ME: For the capture of my kidnapper.

  79. weirdo | 11:23 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    If you see someone stolen, let the police call them.

  80. Raj | 3:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    U wanna b kidnapped?

  81. LK | 11:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    You have to find yourself first, though.

  82. Soso | 9:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Police officer:
    “We’ll do our best to find you! But you gotta be patient!”

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