Housing brochure from China

posted on 17 Sep 2008 in Chinglish

 

Photo courtesy of Tianying.
Taken from a housing brochure in China. 

154 captions

  1. J-Luke | 1:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    They must be pretty expensive…

  2. Dangevin | 1:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It’s a shame, the snack bar is so convenient, but it’s all fried food.

  3. Dangevin | 1:20 am |  Vote: Add rating 5  Subtract rating 0  

    “Yes, I’m calling to inquire about the Quadruple Bypass Estates?”

  4. Dangevin | 1:28 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    You’ll love our apartments to death!

  5. Benny | 1:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Views so spectacular they’ll literally take your breath away!

  6. Benny | 1:33 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Our low rates and affordable financing will leave you utterly speechless!

  7. Benny | 1:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Home is where the heart … was?

  8. Samurai Accountant | 2:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    …and your little dog, too!

  9. Carol | 3:08 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Every home-makers dream demolished.

  10. tom | 3:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    It’s an outfit for a hitman

  11. ninja | 3:47 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Heart is where the home is

  12. Maskdt | 7:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Just down the street from Middle Age Crisis Apts and Menopause Estates!

  13. Nyna | 8:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Brilliant money making scheme……

  14. coffeebot | 8:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    aneurisms extra

  15. patcap365 | 8:42 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    *Rooms without balconies excluded. Fee assessed upon completion of transaction.

  16. Brad | 8:51 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I think my doctor attended Med school classes here.

  17. Eric | 8:54 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    House built by Edgar Allan Poe, with a tell tale heart under every floor board.

  18. tekleader | 9:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    …and your liver taken hostage!

  19. Patrick | 9:52 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Be sure to leave your name and picture on the table.
    – Kira

    (a Death Note reference)

  20. Ashe | 1:18 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Your spleen, however, will remain secure.

  21. Big Fat Cat | 1:21 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I told my boss to purchase a unit.

  22. Pamela | 4:38 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    but your brain will remain unharmed if you follow these simple rules…

  23. LaughingTarget | 7:40 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    In case of heart attack, please provide a detailed description of the offender to security. For your safety, don’t fight back.

  24. MidoriSkyJT | 8:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Ah, I get it. Directions to the Heartbreak Hotel.

  25. UncarvedRock | 9:00 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Resistance is futile.

  26. Rice1 | 11:33 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You mean it wasn’t a stroke I was experiencing?

  27. Alex | 4:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Not suitable for people over 60 years or older.

  28. Dominic Small | 5:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Your heart will then be able to claim compensation, no win no fee…

  29. Lafael Logers | 8:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    ..and every appendix will be ruptured.

  30. phil | 9:20 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    PRC, CPR, whatever.

  31. Kat | 1:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Not suitable for the faint-hearted.

  32. Lou | 5:24 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Pre-drafted will, revocable living trust and two-witnesses package is included.

  33. Kate | 6:28 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    *Heart will only be attacked when it misbehaves. If it breaks any rules of the building, expect a cardiac arrest.

  34. Shadrach | 7:25 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Then I guess it’s a good thing I was born a Spade.

  35. Kiael | 11:31 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The vampire hunters in this complex are EXTRA parinoid!

  36. Erlinda | 11:35 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Obese people on one side, vampires on the other.

  37. Lauren | 2:41 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Call in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll throw in heart failure absolutely free!

  38. Don | 5:32 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    “Yes, now you can die in the home of your dreams!”

  39. Don | 5:33 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Conveniently located just a few feeble beats away from the hereafter!

  40. Don | 5:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Home is where the heart is… ATTACKED!

  41. Pokejedservo | 6:51 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And if you act now you’ll get a free stroke to go with your deal.

  42. Tristan | 10:22 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The only question is when.

  43. HI | 11:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    If the apartment you want is taken- come back tomorrow and it will be available.

  44. Nicholas | 5:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Better than Death Note.

  45. joanne | 6:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    No elevators……

  46. Ed Sherman | 4:01 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    resistance is futile !

  47. kati | 4:56 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    One year lease contract with full payment in advance required. No exceptions.

  48. enLique | 6:04 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    This is not a brochure, it’s a matter of National Security!

  49. Rayquaza | 7:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I guess using that storyline for Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 still just wasn’t enough for them…

  50. dropkickmurphy | 7:39 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Free defibrillator in every room.

  51. dropkickmurphy | 7:54 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Free defibrillator in every room

  52. infamous lobster | 10:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And every liver will be stabbed.

  53. arem | 10:05 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    no need for angioplasty

  54. Shiny | 10:28 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    …and every soul will be placed in a mason jar.

  55. Soundphreek | 2:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Move-in day symptoms include sweating profusely, having discomfort / pain in your chest, shortness of breath, and anxiety / sernse of DOOM!

  56. algernon | 1:41 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    What a stroke of genius!

  57. meowish | 3:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Another way to kill the homeless for good.

  58. stacy ebear | 7:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    and every kidney will be dialyzed!

  59. BILL NARUM | 7:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    ONE MCDONALDS AT A TIME !

  60. T | 10:41 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Happy Valentines day

  61. MEE | 3:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Excuse me sir, I would like to sign up, but I must let you know, I only have one heart.

  62. MoNkEy | 5:15 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    No wonder the manager is wearing a white suit and is holding a pint of anesthesia…

  63. ngyonghan | 10:58 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    If you put in your downpayment now within this week, you’ll get a free Ambulatory ECG and a defibrillator! 😀

  64. ordie100 | 8:58 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    i wouldnt like to know why.

  65. quitz | 2:37 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    AHHHH!! My heart!!

  66. tb0ne | 10:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Unfortunately these estates wont effect my wife.

  67. Ell | 9:25 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The down payment really hits them good!

  68. Icee | 3:37 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Defend you don’t fall down and break at with hip

  69. Sean | 9:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    So now China has finally realized their over population problem.

  70. Seera | 6:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Yeah… Don’t interupt Light Yagami in the middle of his killing time to ask for sugar… It gets ugly.
    *Death Note*

  71. FLO | 12:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Easy way to kill huh?

  72. Anonymous | 7:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    We have cookies.

  73. WiiMote | 4:18 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’m heartbroken *sniff*

  74. F | 7:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    … then massaged… then defibrillated… then attached to an EKG….

  75. Stephan | 9:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Every time you come home, it’s: SURPRIIIICE!!

  76. piper | 12:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    …….sounds like a Myo-Condo Infraction!!

  77. Mark A | 2:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    A good example of a metaphor… gone wrong.

  78. Doh | 7:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    This should be a fun place to live!

  79. Spazzy | 12:35 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    so let me get this staight. you walk in, the furniture runs at you and rip out your heart and attack it? AWESOME!!!

  80. sybil wee | 3:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Many victims will fall..

  81. bob | 9:54 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    the heartless need not apply

  82. Mikani | 10:48 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Not another heart attack! D:

  83. Rebecca | 11:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Knife sales must be pretty high in their area. Don’t think I’ll be buying from them any time soon.

  84. Mark A | 10:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Please remove your shoes before being entered and attacked.

  85. tomtom | 4:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    conveniently located near the “HOLY GARDENS MEMORIAL PARK”

  86. Belbe | 11:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Wow! it has a great view!

  87. Seddah | 10:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    We get that it’s a Death Note reference, Patrick, but it’s way funnier if you don’t come right out and say it. That’s the equivalent of elbowing us in the ribs and saying, “GET IT? GET IT?! 8D” after the joke. Though I did laugh before I saw “THIS IS A DEATH NOTE REFERENCE. I LOVE ANIME.”

    Not trying to be an asshole, but damn good at it, let the joke speak for itself.

  88. d | 8:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Yes, it’s a lovelly view, just lean out over the balcony…

  89. Byron | 10:05 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    No prisoners will be taken

  90. Doctor | 9:46 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    They were looking for the perfect home…little did they know that they would be walking into the perfect way to DIE.

  91. BennyB | 2:51 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Quick, honey, write down all those phone numbers!

  92. Thlee Rittle Maids Flom School Alrle We | 9:32 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Heartborken meets housbroken.

  93. morgan | 6:27 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    1000 calories
    😀

  94. Hsirgne | 4:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Ah! Its one of my mortgage brokers mantras, along with negative equity negative equity negative equity……

  95. halfasemitone | 12:56 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    There’s a guy popping out and screaming BOO!! behind every door in this place.

  96. a man who talk much | 10:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    all appartment use scent of transfat incense

  97. Etheral | 5:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Tough love apartments.

  98. Danny | 8:17 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Warning: Side effects of China may include cardiac arrest. Do not take with alcohol. Not meant for people experiencing democracy.

  99. 700 Tnega Terces | 2:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Honey, was it just me, or did that Realtor have fangs?

  100. Blu | 6:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    This is the place to be if you want to go out with a *BANG!*

  101. the infamous jerseybricklayer | 7:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    not suitable for the elderly.

  102. Marisa | 7:20 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And your kidneys are in danger too!

  103. Grace | 9:09 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Perfect if you’re feeling suicidal.

  104. Artillery | 10:48 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The company is run by Heartless.

  105. hobee | 3:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    We provide defibrillators at no extra cost!

  106. jimson | 7:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    …..because the building is 40 storeys and has NO elevator!

  107. Bryan | 8:07 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Pictured: A student’s project from Disney Movie Villain Camp

  108. Ghost08 | 2:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    so don’t forget to apply for medalert

  109. Matt | 6:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    …and try our colon cleaning service.

  110. Atli Hafsteinsson | 4:37 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Arteries, to your stations!

  111. Vonzen | 1:05 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    i wonder if ill be safe there

  112. lkmjr | 7:33 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And for only a few thousand-dollars extra, we’ll throw in an extra-deluxe stroke package!! BUT WAIT, there’s more!! If you call RIGHT NOW, we’ll give you a SECOND heart attack, FREE!! That’s right, for the low, low price of 999,999,999,999,999, you’ll get two heart attacks and a stroke, but only if you order right away!! We’ll even TRIPLE your order, ABSOLUTELY FREE!! BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…..

  113. BSting | 1:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    perfect advertisement for mcdonalds

  114. rashmi | 2:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    method to control china’s population

  115. versed | 2:52 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Welcome to the luxurious SARS Commons.

  116. Justin | 7:23 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Dont worry, painless costs extra

  117. Felix | 6:00 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Required downpayment:
    life insurance policy, stock portfolio, bank account numbers

  118. Felix | 6:01 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Death is guaranteed or your money back.

  119. Mark Fox | 4:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The Cholesterol Deluxe

  120. Stephan | 9:18 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Stay includes 10 english breakfasts daily. Must eat.

  121. Ama-rata | 11:23 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Please be trying no spill blood. Thank you.

  122. Kya | 11:48 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You’ll be so happy, you’ll think your having a heart attack!

  123. Kya | 11:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Heaven’s door has never been easier to reach! Warning: Salvation not included in purchase.

  124. Sean G | 5:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ve been dying to get into this place!

  125. Midnight Rider | 6:30 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Convenient access…just minutes from the Quadruple Bypass!

  126. Midnight Rider | 6:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    When you live here, you will think you died and went to heaven!

  127. Cammie | 10:40 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    So that’s where they get the hearts for the organ transplant black market!?!?!

  128. L Lawliet | 3:41 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Oh dear, Kira’s still on the loose…

  129. MLV | 6:03 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Anti Valentine Extremists…

  130. Amiel | 11:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Perfect for the ex….

  131. MentalAndrew | 1:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    LMFAOROFL Prices You Give Your Heart For In A Heartbeat 😀

  132. cool | 5:45 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    WARNING: May cause heart attack. Call emergency room before using

  133. Glob | 5:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Thank you for convience. Mail in clear plastic bag. Thank you,
    Dr. Todd

    And while your at it, come eat a delicious meat pie at Todd’s Meat Pie shop! You can taste the organs! I mean sausage!…

    Hehehe…

  134. Louis Esteban | 9:51 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Bring Your Own Defibrillator.

  135. MentalAndrew | 2:59 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You Give In Your Heart In A Flash For Prices Like This :)

  136. Wunderbar | 12:40 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Prices lower than blood sugar! You drop dead with shocking!

  137. sebastien | 5:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    wow there was an add to the right just now about heart disease and how to avoid it…

  138. Angel | 8:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Need to make up your mind? Stay at our built in Heartbreak hotel for free!

  139. Angel | 8:06 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The place to die for!

  140. Shackel | 6:37 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Their menu is so good! Lookie! Fried Chicken, with 300% more grease than your average chicken, only served burgers and grease

  141. John Bartel | 10:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Buy one get one free!

  142. Karin | 5:35 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    OK, that’s it, I NEVER go to China

  143. Lynn | 3:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And every home will be pillaged.

  144. Tommy Lee Jones | 6:23 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    These are the worst attempts at a caption that I’ve seen yet

  145. Stephanie | 10:59 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    OK! OK! I’ll buy it ! D:

    *throws wallet at lease consultant*

  146. Jim | 7:03 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    In an effort to clean up the streets of Beijing, the city council decided to bring crime in from the streets.

  147. Phoenix | 12:43 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Can you attack my lungs instead?

  148. Kiwi | 8:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It’s everything I’ve ever wanted!!

  149. Jonathan | 8:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The better come with washer and dryer

  150. cs.beck | 5:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    CARDIO CONDOS

  151. Some guy | 10:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    thankyou for your… hospitality?

  152. hihihi | 6:07 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    *will not be responsibe for attack, mutilation, maiming, beating, or removal of hearts*

  153. figgy | 9:21 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    well now I’ve really gotta buy it

  154. sparky | 11:28 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Short term leases available.

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