Housing brochure from China

posted on 17 Sep 2008 in Chinglish

 

Photo courtesy of Tianying.
Taken from a housing brochure in China. 

154 captions

  1. J-Luke | 1:10 am |

    They must be pretty expensive…

  2. Dangevin | 1:15 am |

    It’s a shame, the snack bar is so convenient, but it’s all fried food.

  3. Dangevin | 1:20 am |

    “Yes, I’m calling to inquire about the Quadruple Bypass Estates?”

  4. Dangevin | 1:28 am |

    You’ll love our apartments to death!

  5. Benny | 1:32 am |

    Views so spectacular they’ll literally take your breath away!

  6. Benny | 1:33 am |

    Our low rates and affordable financing will leave you utterly speechless!

  7. Benny | 1:36 am |

    Home is where the heart … was?

  8. Samurai Accountant | 2:04 am |

    …and your little dog, too!

  9. Carol | 3:08 am |

    Every home-makers dream demolished.

  10. tom | 3:36 am |

    It’s an outfit for a hitman

  11. ninja | 3:47 am |

    Heart is where the home is

  12. Maskdt | 7:50 am |

    Just down the street from Middle Age Crisis Apts and Menopause Estates!

  13. Nyna | 8:25 am |

    Brilliant money making scheme……

  14. coffeebot | 8:31 am |

    aneurisms extra

  15. patcap365 | 8:42 am |

    *Rooms without balconies excluded. Fee assessed upon completion of transaction.

  16. Brad | 8:51 am |

    I think my doctor attended Med school classes here.

  17. Eric | 8:54 am |

    House built by Edgar Allan Poe, with a tell tale heart under every floor board.

  18. tekleader | 9:04 am |

    …and your liver taken hostage!

  19. Patrick | 9:52 am |

    Be sure to leave your name and picture on the table.
    – Kira

    (a Death Note reference)

  20. Ashe | 1:18 pm |

    Your spleen, however, will remain secure.

  21. Big Fat Cat | 1:21 pm |

    I told my boss to purchase a unit.

  22. Pamela | 4:38 pm |

    but your brain will remain unharmed if you follow these simple rules…

  23. LaughingTarget | 7:40 pm |

    In case of heart attack, please provide a detailed description of the offender to security. For your safety, don’t fight back.

  24. MidoriSkyJT | 8:53 pm |

    Ah, I get it. Directions to the Heartbreak Hotel.

  25. UncarvedRock | 9:00 pm |

    Resistance is futile.

  26. Rice1 | 11:33 pm |

    You mean it wasn’t a stroke I was experiencing?

  27. Alex | 4:50 am |

    Not suitable for people over 60 years or older.

  28. Dominic Small | 5:17 am |

    Your heart will then be able to claim compensation, no win no fee…

  29. Lafael Logers | 8:39 am |

    ..and every appendix will be ruptured.

  30. phil | 9:20 am |

    PRC, CPR, whatever.

  31. Kat | 1:49 pm |

    Not suitable for the faint-hearted.

  32. Lou | 5:24 pm |

    Pre-drafted will, revocable living trust and two-witnesses package is included.

  33. Kate | 6:28 pm |

    *Heart will only be attacked when it misbehaves. If it breaks any rules of the building, expect a cardiac arrest.

  34. Shadrach | 7:25 pm |

    Then I guess it’s a good thing I was born a Spade.

  35. Kiael | 11:31 pm |

    The vampire hunters in this complex are EXTRA parinoid!

  36. Erlinda | 11:35 am |

    Obese people on one side, vampires on the other.

  37. Lauren | 2:41 pm |

    Call in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll throw in heart failure absolutely free!

  38. Don | 5:32 pm |

    “Yes, now you can die in the home of your dreams!”

  39. Don | 5:33 pm |

    Conveniently located just a few feeble beats away from the hereafter!

  40. Don | 5:34 pm |

    Home is where the heart is… ATTACKED!

  41. Pokejedservo | 6:51 pm |

    And if you act now you’ll get a free stroke to go with your deal.

  42. Tristan | 10:22 pm |

    The only question is when.

  43. HI | 11:25 am |

    If the apartment you want is taken- come back tomorrow and it will be available.

  44. Nicholas | 5:21 am |

    Better than Death Note.

  45. joanne | 6:21 am |

    No elevators……

  46. Ed Sherman | 4:01 pm |

    resistance is futile !

  47. kati | 4:56 pm |

    One year lease contract with full payment in advance required. No exceptions.

  48. enLique | 6:04 pm |

    This is not a brochure, it’s a matter of National Security!

  49. Rayquaza | 7:34 pm |

    I guess using that storyline for Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 still just wasn’t enough for them…

  50. dropkickmurphy | 7:39 pm |

    Free defibrillator in every room.

  51. dropkickmurphy | 7:54 pm |

    Free defibrillator in every room

  52. infamous lobster | 10:50 am |

    And every liver will be stabbed.

  53. arem | 10:05 pm |

    no need for angioplasty

  54. Shiny | 10:28 pm |

    …and every soul will be placed in a mason jar.

  55. Soundphreek | 2:26 pm |

    Move-in day symptoms include sweating profusely, having discomfort / pain in your chest, shortness of breath, and anxiety / sernse of DOOM!

  56. algernon | 1:41 am |

    What a stroke of genius!

  57. meowish | 3:03 am |

    Another way to kill the homeless for good.

  58. stacy ebear | 7:10 am |

    and every kidney will be dialyzed!

  59. BILL NARUM | 7:39 am |

    ONE MCDONALDS AT A TIME !

  60. T | 10:41 am |

    Happy Valentines day

  61. MEE | 3:43 pm |

    Excuse me sir, I would like to sign up, but I must let you know, I only have one heart.

  62. MoNkEy | 5:15 pm |

    No wonder the manager is wearing a white suit and is holding a pint of anesthesia…

  63. ngyonghan | 10:58 pm |

    If you put in your downpayment now within this week, you’ll get a free Ambulatory ECG and a defibrillator! 😀

  64. ordie100 | 8:58 pm |

    i wouldnt like to know why.

  65. quitz | 2:37 am |

    AHHHH!! My heart!!

  66. tb0ne | 10:14 pm |

    Unfortunately these estates wont effect my wife.

  67. Ell | 9:25 pm |

    The down payment really hits them good!

  68. Icee | 3:37 pm |

    Defend you don’t fall down and break at with hip

  69. Sean | 9:30 pm |

    So now China has finally realized their over population problem.

  70. Seera | 6:43 pm |

    Yeah… Don’t interupt Light Yagami in the middle of his killing time to ask for sugar… It gets ugly.
    *Death Note*

  71. FLO | 12:44 am |

    Easy way to kill huh?

  72. Anonymous | 7:43 am |

    We have cookies.

  73. WiiMote | 4:18 pm |

    I’m heartbroken *sniff*

  74. F | 7:30 pm |

    … then massaged… then defibrillated… then attached to an EKG….

  75. Stephan | 9:02 am |

    Every time you come home, it’s: SURPRIIIICE!!

  76. piper | 12:26 pm |

    …….sounds like a Myo-Condo Infraction!!

  77. Mark A | 2:53 pm |

    A good example of a metaphor… gone wrong.

  78. Doh | 7:30 pm |

    This should be a fun place to live!

  79. Spazzy | 12:35 pm |

    so let me get this staight. you walk in, the furniture runs at you and rip out your heart and attack it? AWESOME!!!

  80. sybil wee | 3:14 pm |

    Many victims will fall..

  81. bob | 9:54 am |

    the heartless need not apply

  82. Mikani | 10:48 pm |

    Not another heart attack! D:

  83. Rebecca | 11:49 pm |

    Knife sales must be pretty high in their area. Don’t think I’ll be buying from them any time soon.

  84. Mark A | 10:16 am |

    Please remove your shoes before being entered and attacked.

  85. tomtom | 4:07 am |

    conveniently located near the “HOLY GARDENS MEMORIAL PARK”

  86. Belbe | 11:34 am |

    Wow! it has a great view!

  87. Seddah | 10:15 am |

    We get that it’s a Death Note reference, Patrick, but it’s way funnier if you don’t come right out and say it. That’s the equivalent of elbowing us in the ribs and saying, “GET IT? GET IT?! 8D” after the joke. Though I did laugh before I saw “THIS IS A DEATH NOTE REFERENCE. I LOVE ANIME.”

    Not trying to be an asshole, but damn good at it, let the joke speak for itself.

  88. d | 8:25 am |

    Yes, it’s a lovelly view, just lean out over the balcony…

  89. Byron | 10:05 pm |

    No prisoners will be taken

  90. Doctor | 9:46 pm |

    They were looking for the perfect home…little did they know that they would be walking into the perfect way to DIE.

  91. BennyB | 2:51 pm |

    Quick, honey, write down all those phone numbers!

  92. Thlee Rittle Maids Flom School Alrle We | 9:32 pm |

    Heartborken meets housbroken.

  93. morgan | 6:27 am |

    1000 calories
    😀

  94. Hsirgne | 4:53 pm |

    Ah! Its one of my mortgage brokers mantras, along with negative equity negative equity negative equity……

  95. halfasemitone | 12:56 am |

    There’s a guy popping out and screaming BOO!! behind every door in this place.

  96. a man who talk much | 10:08 pm |

    all appartment use scent of transfat incense

  97. Etheral | 5:11 pm |

    Tough love apartments.

  98. Danny | 8:17 pm |

    Warning: Side effects of China may include cardiac arrest. Do not take with alcohol. Not meant for people experiencing democracy.

  99. 700 Tnega Terces | 2:00 am |

    Honey, was it just me, or did that Realtor have fangs?

  100. Blu | 6:53 pm |

    This is the place to be if you want to go out with a *BANG!*

  101. the infamous jerseybricklayer | 7:10 pm |

    not suitable for the elderly.

  102. Marisa | 7:20 pm |

    And your kidneys are in danger too!

  103. Grace | 9:09 pm |

    Perfect if you’re feeling suicidal.

  104. Artillery | 10:48 am |

    The company is run by Heartless.

  105. hobee | 3:49 am |

    We provide defibrillators at no extra cost!

  106. jimson | 7:38 am |

    …..because the building is 40 storeys and has NO elevator!

  107. Bryan | 8:07 pm |

    Pictured: A student’s project from Disney Movie Villain Camp

  108. Ghost08 | 2:14 pm |

    so don’t forget to apply for medalert

  109. Matt | 6:08 pm |

    …and try our colon cleaning service.

  110. Atli Hafsteinsson | 4:37 am |

    Arteries, to your stations!

  111. Vonzen | 1:05 am |

    i wonder if ill be safe there

  112. lkmjr | 7:33 pm |

    And for only a few thousand-dollars extra, we’ll throw in an extra-deluxe stroke package!! BUT WAIT, there’s more!! If you call RIGHT NOW, we’ll give you a SECOND heart attack, FREE!! That’s right, for the low, low price of 999,999,999,999,999, you’ll get two heart attacks and a stroke, but only if you order right away!! We’ll even TRIPLE your order, ABSOLUTELY FREE!! BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…..

  113. BSting | 1:31 am |

    perfect advertisement for mcdonalds

  114. rashmi | 2:10 am |

    method to control china’s population

  115. versed | 2:52 pm |

    Welcome to the luxurious SARS Commons.

  116. Justin | 7:23 pm |

    Dont worry, painless costs extra

  117. Felix | 6:00 pm |

    Required downpayment:
    life insurance policy, stock portfolio, bank account numbers

  118. Felix | 6:01 pm |

    Death is guaranteed or your money back.

  119. Mark Fox | 4:38 am |

    The Cholesterol Deluxe

  120. Stephan | 9:18 pm |

    Stay includes 10 english breakfasts daily. Must eat.

  121. Ama-rata | 11:23 pm |

    Please be trying no spill blood. Thank you.

  122. Kya | 11:48 am |

    You’ll be so happy, you’ll think your having a heart attack!

  123. Kya | 11:49 am |

    Heaven’s door has never been easier to reach! Warning: Salvation not included in purchase.

  124. Sean G | 5:11 pm |

    I’ve been dying to get into this place!

  125. Midnight Rider | 6:30 am |

    Convenient access…just minutes from the Quadruple Bypass!

  126. Midnight Rider | 6:32 am |

    When you live here, you will think you died and went to heaven!

  127. Cammie | 10:40 am |

    So that’s where they get the hearts for the organ transplant black market!?!?!

  128. L Lawliet | 3:41 pm |

    Oh dear, Kira’s still on the loose…

  129. MLV | 6:03 pm |

    Anti Valentine Extremists…

  130. Amiel | 11:53 am |

    Perfect for the ex….

  131. MentalAndrew | 1:34 pm |

    LMFAOROFL Prices You Give Your Heart For In A Heartbeat 😀

  132. cool | 5:45 pm |

    WARNING: May cause heart attack. Call emergency room before using

  133. Glob | 5:49 pm |

    Thank you for convience. Mail in clear plastic bag. Thank you,
    Dr. Todd

    And while your at it, come eat a delicious meat pie at Todd’s Meat Pie shop! You can taste the organs! I mean sausage!…

    Hehehe…

  134. Louis Esteban | 9:51 pm |

    Bring Your Own Defibrillator.

  135. MentalAndrew | 2:59 am |

    You Give In Your Heart In A Flash For Prices Like This :)

  136. Wunderbar | 12:40 pm |

    Prices lower than blood sugar! You drop dead with shocking!

  137. sebastien | 5:43 pm |

    wow there was an add to the right just now about heart disease and how to avoid it…

  138. Angel | 8:00 am |

    Need to make up your mind? Stay at our built in Heartbreak hotel for free!

  139. Angel | 8:06 am |

    The place to die for!

  140. Shackel | 6:37 pm |

    Their menu is so good! Lookie! Fried Chicken, with 300% more grease than your average chicken, only served burgers and grease

  141. John Bartel | 10:26 am |

    Buy one get one free!

  142. Karin | 5:35 pm |

    OK, that’s it, I NEVER go to China

  143. Lynn | 3:49 pm |

    And every home will be pillaged.

  144. Tommy Lee Jones | 6:23 pm |

    These are the worst attempts at a caption that I’ve seen yet

  145. Stephanie | 10:59 pm |

    OK! OK! I’ll buy it ! D:

    *throws wallet at lease consultant*

  146. Jim | 7:03 pm |

    In an effort to clean up the streets of Beijing, the city council decided to bring crime in from the streets.

  147. Phoenix | 12:43 pm |

    Can you attack my lungs instead?

  148. Kiwi | 8:04 am |

    It’s everything I’ve ever wanted!!

  149. Jonathan | 8:14 am |

    The better come with washer and dryer

  150. cs.beck | 5:00 am |

    CARDIO CONDOS

  151. Some guy | 10:02 am |

    thankyou for your… hospitality?

  152. hihihi | 6:07 pm |

    *will not be responsibe for attack, mutilation, maiming, beating, or removal of hearts*

  153. figgy | 9:21 pm |

    well now I’ve really gotta buy it

  154. sparky | 11:28 pm |

    Short term leases available.

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