Drifting Skills

posted on 8 Dec 2008 in Chinglish


Photo courtesy of Mark Hamilton.
Instructions for riding Dragon Boats, Yangtze River, China. 

72 captions

  1. Jenn | 12:13 am |

    I hate it when people call for help hurriedly. And people who laugh and scream while they drift.

  2. Sparkly Boof | 12:17 am |

    Next week: Panhandling for Dummies.

  3. Stefan | 12:18 am |

    Smiling and chortling while the very bad poetry is read.

  4. magick | 12:56 am |

    I can’t believe we paid for this stupid cruise!

  5. Jeremy | 1:06 am |

    Perfect reading material when you’re marooned on a tropical island…

  6. Ellen | 1:09 am |

    Please to be quiet while drowning.

  7. Mark A | 1:22 am |

    Awww, I always thought that it’s funny and scary when I drift…

  8. Ellen | 3:38 am |

    On second thought, let’s skip the boat ride.

  9. Someone5125 | 3:49 am |

    I hate it how we have to laugh and scream after the drifting is over…

  10. Brandon | 3:59 am |

    “Darling, have you noticed the boat is turning over?”
    “Yes, I have.”
    “Shall we call for help?”
    “Not just yet. Let’s give it a minute. We don’t want to hurry.”
    “I imagine we will either be laughing or screaming when this is over.”

  11. jjhitt | 4:36 am |

    Exhibit One: Why China never became a major naval power.

  12. Mr Mojo Risin | 5:08 am |

    Laughing and screaming while the drifting is over….priceless.

  13. Arnas | 5:21 am |

    Relax, the drifting is over.

  14. Galliard | 5:27 am |

    “What? The drifting is over? Bwa-ha-ha-ha…YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

  15. Pamela | 5:54 am |

    At least we know it wont be a pleasant ride.

  16. John | 6:13 am |

    Who knew that drifters have such a rigid set of rules?

  17. Grifter Wolf | 6:16 am |

    No rush in the help, you’re only drowning.

  18. Molly | 6:33 am |

    Chinese rule makers: please absolutely no more much drinking while making rules poster.

  19. creampuff | 6:35 am |

    Welcome Aboard!

  20. therpham | 7:17 am |

    Mutli-boat drifting!!?

  21. tomtom | 7:22 am |

    Drifting Skills

    they just want you to be happy while doing it..

  22. Josh | 8:04 am |

    Dial the 911 with no concern while gash oozes blood from the left temple. Screaming while bleeding is over.

  23. Bill Sornson | 8:37 am |

    Maybe I’ll just drift on over to the next ride.

  24. Crowcoyote | 8:45 am |

    finally a complete set of instructions for finding yourself up a certain creek with no paddle

    “Um, Excuse me? I hate to bother anyone and interrupt all the laughing and screaming, but this boat appears to be sinking and i was wondering if you might offer some assista-BLUB!”

  25. Beady.El | 9:23 am |

    “You know, I really care for you.”


    “Yes — but only while rowing the boat.”

  26. Brian | 9:31 am |

    Amazing!! The legendary Lost Verses of “Row, row, row your boat” !!

  27. Chris | 10:18 am |

    Drifting. How do you row a boat on land, let alone drown?

  28. Jim | 10:46 am |

    The Fast and the Furious 6: Yangtze Drift.

  29. Ben | 11:13 am |

    I suppose saying that your boat “lashed the beach” maintains a little dignity after running aground

  30. Diddims | 11:43 am |

    “No need to call for help now; there’s no rush.”

  31. Diddims | 11:44 am |

    “Well the boat is broken, shall we switch sides?”

  32. Diddims | 11:45 am |

    “Since we began rowing, I’ve realized that… I really care for you.”

  33. Poisonus Gus | 12:15 pm |

    Talking out of turn? That’s a paddlin’.
    Lookin’ out the window? That’s a paddlin’.
    Staring at my sandals? That’s a padddlin’.
    Paddlin’ the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddlin’

  34. John Dash | 1:38 pm |

    Philip Larkin, Eat your heart out.

  35. Someone5125 | 2:41 pm |

    “Row left and right while the boat is stranded”. Those darn boats are blocking the traffic! Rowing on the road goes very slow, and yet they keep rowing!

  36. Solid Snake | 4:33 pm |

    “The boat have started to drift!”

  37. Na-dan | 5:08 pm |


  38. David | 7:00 pm |

    Laughing is the best medicine, even as you’re drowning!

  39. Ellen | 9:03 pm |

    And above all, have fun!

  40. rowger | 11:35 pm |

    Excuse me, my boat seems to be very deep in the water. May I incline to you for a loan, bank?

  41. Ian | 6:25 pm |

    Raise your hand while the boat is sinking.

  42. Kyle | 9:51 pm |

    the boats sinking… if you could save us, we would really appreciate it, but were in no hurry…. oh your on lunch break? no prob. we can just wait till the boat sinks and than just incline to the bank. thanx anyway

  43. Chris | 12:02 am |

    My heart will go on, and onnnnnnn……

  44. Bob | 4:04 am |

    There’s no Earthly way of knowing…
    how to care for you when we are rowing
    Or which way the river’s flowing…
    sit hold fast as steam is drifting
    Is it raining
    Is it snowing
    Is this boat unhurriedly overturning

    Not a speck of light is showing
    So the danger must be growing
    Is the grisly reaper mowing?

    Yes! The danger must be growing
    For the rowers keep on rowing…
    left and right stranded but not showing
    Any signs that they are slowing!

    Wriry Wronka’s Dragon Boat Tours

  45. Sam | 11:52 am |

    “Row left and right”… but we just keep going in circles!

  46. tomtom | 1:01 am |

    do i need to use the hand brakes first.?

  47. Ozjeppe | 7:11 am |

    This is absolutely hysterically funny!

  48. Andrew | 9:11 am |

    At least we know the boat will be stranded and will run aground. No attempt at false advertising here.

  49. Jamie Brannon | 4:59 pm |

    Quit lashing the shore you stupid boat, or i’ll have to unhurredly call for help while we to sink!

  50. Vulpine | 5:44 pm |

    Row Left And Right Only…. Row Forward And Back not needed to drifting.

  51. фдуч_шяь | 1:00 pm |

    Here is how it went down:
    We were sitting tightly while going on board. It was hard, but we managed somehow. Then, after a little bit of rowing and caring for each other, the boat selected its favorite channel (sadly it was “Lifetime”) and we started drifting along the steam. The steam was hot, so the boat started lashing out at the beach. All we could do is sit and hold fast. Someone started unhurriedly calling for help, but stopped when the boat turned over. A few people tried to incline the bank, but failed, as the boat was not deep enough in water. Everybody wished that the boat would get stranded, and it did. So I started rowing left and right. The woman to the right said that the boat now was broken and needed to be exchanged for another one. No one dared! Thus the drifting trip came to an end. Screaming and laughing was over for a long time!

  52. the 9 lives of trouble | 11:32 am |

    “call for help unhurriedly while the boat turns over”? my sweet ass! i am going to scream like a banshee in heat the second i get a whiff that the damn boat’s capsizing!

  53. TJ | 8:28 pm |

    Exactly how is this a skill?

  54. Emily | 5:13 pm |

    I love this Drifting Practice!

  55. Mary Barzee | 7:13 pm |

    (stands to applaud Bob’s brilliant Wirry Wonka verses) Ack! my boat’s overturning! (grabs cell phone, dials) 9…….1…….1 “yes, my boat overturned, but don’t hurry, please! It’s against the rules, you see”
    (glub glub)

  56. Pixiedj | 10:17 pm |

    OH the alternate lyrics to “Srow Boat to China” for all you ” PaLLot Haeds”
    much apologies Jimmy

  57. DeanAckles | 9:17 pm |

    Boat drifting seems much more thrilling than drifting with cars…

  58. Trish | 11:52 pm |

    Call unhurriedly while boat turns over?? Overturned boats disturb my peaceful and make for hurriedly callings.

  59. Ghost08 | 12:57 am |

    care for each other while rowing the boat–be tender
    call for help unhurriedly–but not necesarily unpanicked–ly

  60. BibbyKlr | 9:28 am |

    Laughing and Screaming while the drifting is over! It is so 1980s!

  61. lkmjr | 7:02 pm |

    “Oh, my, the boat seems to be tipping over…. That’s a pitty. Excuse me, sir, but I might need some help here in a minute. No need to rush. If I end up stranded, please look for me. I’ll be rowing left and right. I’ll probably be screaming and laughing as well, remember that.”

  62. BSting | 12:27 am |

    the perfect trip to take with the mother-in-law

  63. Ishkfe | 12:12 pm |

    Excuse me! Could anyone help me here? I think I may be drowning, and it would be such a pity to die today, I mean, specially while I could be laughing and screaming while the drifting is over.

  64. Name | 4:52 pm |

    Don’t rush the coast gaurd, it makes things stressful. Pace your screaming. And laughing.

  65. JulsieTheRandom | 4:07 am |

    Does not extend from the raft for more information. The collapse of a series of rapids, raft can swing I do not think this is a sign. Raft swing is normal, it must be down for several minutes. When you travel, the surrounding natural wonders and you will be required to observe a period of time.
    At the same time the camera raft
    Raft, but the food
    Smoking in the raft
    Raft of laughter and screams and people with disabilities
    Raft is a waste of land, nor
    E-mail the body raft.

  66. Silkydog | 2:30 am |

    And remember kids, if the boat turns over, there’s no hurry. You’ll be fine.

  67. Jillian | 9:54 pm |

    Uh, did you say ‘stranded’ and ‘screaming’?

  68. garudamon11 | 6:13 am |

    translation : having fun prohibited

  69. Janina | 10:43 pm |

    The Boat is showing the Beach just who really is the boss

  70. Cher | 12:09 pm |

    “Umm…yeah. So, ya know…? Like, I think that, um, well…(sigh) it seems like the boat has (yawn)…it’s kinda, ya know, turned over? And…I’m like…well,…drowning? Um…yeah. No hurry, though, ya know. I’ll be fiiii…(blub, blub, blub).

  71. cecil | 1:33 am |

    a good laugh before you drown

  72. rockergirl83 | 1:08 pm |

    “Sir, when you have time, I wonder if you could help us. Our boat’s turning over and we need help, we could drown. No hurry.”

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