Manicure Set
posted on 3 Sep 2009 in Chinglish
Photo courtesy of Kay Streubel.
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When the Guantanamo prisoners heard torture was outlawed, everybody signed up to have their nails done!
My what large hands you have.
For that really stubborn in-grown toenail.
The manicure set for REAL men!
Go to the store and get me a six pack of nail polish.
In the middle east… yes, this is a manicure set. They don’t just cut your nails, you’ll never have to worry about them growing back ever!
Madge was so surpised at how TRUTHFUL the customers became at the nail salon…
Welcome to the Medievil Spa. As an option, today you can have a blood letting with leaches while you receive your manicure!
for WHAT?…
for WHAT?!??? … a Wookie???
China’s answer to waterboarding: “Talk, or you get THIS.”
Special pack for North Korean Military customers (includes scalpel and testicle remover) available for an additional ¥2,500.
The Europeans think all Americans are cowboys. The Chinese must think we’re all Frankenstein.
Manicure Inquisition-style!
This way if you use the bottle opener instead of twisting the cap off, you won’t run the risk of breaking a nail.
You got a six-pack? I got a TEN pack!
No one escapes the Chinese inquisition!
Of course I’m not intoxicated, officer. I’ve just been for a manicure.
Chinese efficiency: “Nailpolish remover” that simply removes the nail.
This isn’t what I meant when I asked for one of those new digital corkscrews.
keeps your beer and wine bottle looking great
Manicure set for horses and elephants
“Madge, is this Palmolive Liquid I’m soaking in?”
“No, it’s MD 20/20.”
The better to scratch you with, my dear….
Word quickly spread through the dorm not to let Beth do your nails.
Mani cures for the common sobriety.
Enthusiastically received by consumers who strive to keep their spirits well-trimmed!
The secret of manicurists everywhere – it’s a lot easier when the customer is passed out on the floor.
And do-it-yourself surgery kit…
I am a man in cure, that’s why I need to drink a lot!
… and you don’t want to see the Pedicure Kit!
for the man whose as hard as nails!!
It’s for opening your make-up, can’t you see that?
Lloyd Christmas’s manicure set.
“Take the prisoner to the tortu….errrrr…….manicure chamber!”
Puts the MAN in manicure ! (Maybe just the MANIC !)
For some reason, I never have any repeat customers
AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!
Manicure set for masochists
The only nail colour option is red though…
How am supposed to open this bottle with file set?
Looks more like it’s supposed to help you get hammered.
You should see their excellent range of sex toys.
“Madge, DISHwashing Liquid?”
“No, Waterboarding. You’re soaking in it!”
What doesn’t kill you make you…prettier.
Ouch.
Cheers!
….for Dexter Morgan.
They don’t **** around in China…
Is this like “cow tools”
I think that manicure set is designed for Elephants
You should see the pedicure set….
The Chinese Answer to the Swiss Army Knife
The only Manicure set endorsed by Chuck Norris
i see they finally auctioned off Hannibal Lecter’s “manicure” set….
They finally invented a manicure set for my dad
They definitely heard about Nine Inch Nails.
big black man: “hey buddy can i use your bottle opener to pop open my beer?”
chinese man: “no no no! dat is my manicure set. za bottle openah weell be fownd in my wife’s spa!”
this might be legal to possess in a prison.
they’d love manicure.
How to recycle father’s day gift for mother’s day.
When all specialists fail…
..and it works for me!
ouch
Now you can open up those nails for an even better cleaning!
It works for Edward Scissorhands or Freddy Krugger.
CAUTION! Only for those who want to pry their fingernails off, corkscrew their eyes out!
That’s what it feels like when the Asian ladies do my nails. Perhaps this is what they use in Beauty School…
It’s saws version of a manicure!
It was a gift for Superman, who had fingernails of steel.
Why keep cutting your nails every day, when you can cut your fingers off right now!
For those hard to manicure hands!
Hey doc! We’ve got someone here with some REALLY screwed up hands!
For Make Happy the Mangled Fingers
Finally, a manicure set for Robocop.
I guess, they forgot to write the words ” for horse”
Finally, a manicure set for Wolverine.
ouch
The complete nail removal kit…for completely removing the nails!
OUCH!
Don’t buy it for mom!
If that’s your manicure set, I do’nt ever wanna see your fingernails!!!!
“Manicure Set”:Contents: 1 repackaged bottle opener. 1 Wine bottle opener. 1…….. Is that a fish on the side of it?
For the Jack Bauer in all of us.
From the Foster Brooks collection of fine grooming products.
“Drink enough and you won’t give a damn what your nails look like.”
side effects may include lose of lims
I think it broke my face, BUT MY NAILS LOOK FABULOUS !!
Bender’s favorite
how fantastic! now, my left hand nails are holled, and some on my left hand are missing! the others have simply dissapered(along with the fingers)!
Then just pop the cork with your new steel fingernails! No fuss, no muss, no bother!
Do not mock Bigfoot’s manicure set.
Special Nazi addition, it seems…
Meanwhile, across town, some other poor schmuck was trying to uncork his chardonnay with nail clippers.
makey you fingels plitty, no porish need. brood led onry corror. so solly miss morry.
You might feel a little pinch…
My nails look great! Well I should say my new nails, because after I used that my nails fell off…
Finally, Edward Sissorhands can style his claws!
You want pedicure? Only twenty dollah moah.
I bought this and I am now typing with a stick in my mouth.
Yes … that will cure you of being a man.
For the masochist that has everything…
My step-mom’s gonna LOVE this!
‘Makes you wonder why all nail techs in America are asian.
Guys come on. This manicure set isn’t for you to actually do your nails with it, it’s to protect your manicure after it’s done. Think about it. What do you use to open screw lid bottles and pop tab cans? Your nails! And I have personally ruined many manicures trying to open a diet pepsi. This is a fabulous idea. I want one.
Reminds me of the manicure that George Clooney got in Syriana.
I’d love to see your toenail clippers (a.k.a. hammers and drills)!!!!!
Personally I think this set is a bit too hard core.