Instructions for the tourist…

posted on 29 Oct 2009 in Engrish from Other Countries, Instructions

Photo courtesy of Alison Honey.
Sign found at mall in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Some have suggested Paragon Mall is in Bangkok or Singapore.

166 captions

  1. Pete | 2:35 am |

    I wanted to go to the naughty palace. But I had some stupid disease and they woudln’t let me in.

    So I gave my son some artillery and said “Boy, be as naughty as you want!”

  2. DieselDragon | 2:36 am |

    Residents of Kuala Lumpar – On the other hand – May do all practical jokes, throw with the balls, and play with the disease as they see fit. :)

  3. jjhitt | 2:57 am |

    Is that your head protruding from the spherical surface or are you just glad to see me?

  4. Ralph. Hamilton | 2:58 am |

    It very disrespectful to wear shoes in naughty palace. Female staffer not use civilization language.

  5. jjhitt | 3:01 am |

    Forbid sharp things, use artillery instead.

  6. Brandon | 3:18 am |

    “If the tourist has… stupid disease…”?! I’ve never seen a naughty palace call people out like that! If you can’t go in the naughty palace if you have stupid disease they are really going to lose a lot of customers considering how many stupid people there are in this world.

  7. beechoak | 3:46 am |

    “#2: Forbid to carry sharp things… such as knife.” Well, I’m glad they cleared THAT up!

  8. beechoak | 3:47 am |

    No quarreling. Just “pants” them and give them an Indian burn instead.

  9. dangevin | 3:47 am |

    Our Malaysian scientists have been hard at work on that flying saucer, and now look you’ve got chocolate fingerprints all over it.

  10. beechoak | 3:48 am |

    “Hey, you! The tourist with the balls! You throw like a girl!”

  11. dangevin | 3:48 am |

    Forbidden from the naughty palace? Oh, the irony.

  12. Chicken Underweaaar | 3:50 am |

    “Not permit to touch with the flying saucer and the airplane”

    Sounds like birth control advice to me

  13. beechoak | 3:51 am |

    “#5: Obey the naughty palace’s safe navigation… or you’ll get spanked. And spanked and spanked and spanked! you mad, impetuous boy!”

  14. beechoak | 3:51 am |

    #6: Go breach!

  15. beechoak | 3:54 am |

    “Okay, children! The words are stool, urine and spit!… not sh*t, p*ss, and loogies!”

  16. beechoak | 3:55 am |

    “Today were going to talk about architecture and civil engineering…”

  17. beechoak | 3:56 am |

    #9: If you have… aw, screw it,… if you have ANY disease, you are forbidden to play.”

  18. beechoak | 3:58 am |

    I told you stupidity was contagious! It’s practically a pandemic!

  19. beechoak | 3:59 am |

    Hey, do me a favor… look in the gun barrel and tell me if the artillary is stuck.

  20. beechoak | 4:00 am |

    And what kinds of “guns” and “artillary” would the naughty palace have?

  21. beechoak | 4:01 am |

    No knives allowed. You can bring all the guns you want as long as you give your target a head start.

  22. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:03 am |

    It not be sporting to shoot people at close distance. Run them to a moderate distance let be.

  23. beechoak | 4:04 am |

    “… and tell me, Billy,… do you “see” the flying saucer now?…is it talking to you?”

  24. beechoak | 4:05 am |

    #12: So I take it raw oysters and champagne are out of the question?

  25. Big Fat Cat | 4:07 am |

    No man’s head can stay in the “tube” until the baby matures and passes through the tube.

  26. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:09 am |

    Devil not allowed oral-sex in naughty palace. Spirituous liquors not allowed on premises.

  27. rowger | 4:19 am |

    At Paragon Shopping Center, even accidents are forbidden!

  28. BeadyEl | 4:24 am |

    “Unngh!! Oook ugg narr grahh!!”

    “Hey!! You there! USE CIVILIZATION LANGUAGE!”

  29. gbear | 4:32 am |

    Naughty Palace? All these rules kind of kill the whole “NAUGHTY” concept.

  30. Blaze | 4:33 am |

    Seriously, don’t stay in the tube. What if your mother is having twins! Your sibling needs to get out, too, you know.

  31. Grifter | 5:27 am |

    The naughty palace doesn’t sound like a very fun place.

  32. Pete | 5:29 am |

    Maybe it should be called the “Anti-naughty Palace”?

  33. CallieWL | 5:49 am |

    So are the flying saucer and the airplane grounded?

  34. coffeebot | 6:15 am |

    We got another one with Stupid Disease in Naughty Palace!

  35. Jetsuzu | 6:52 am |

    I don’t think I want my kids playing in any place that begins with the word “Naughty”…

  36. Chris | 7:14 am |

    And watch where you put the naughty bits

  37. Brian | 7:41 am |

    The Naughty Palace … hmm, isn’t that on the strip, next to The Mirage?

  38. Potorrero | 8:41 am |

    The forgot one rule:
    “Please instruct children to leave their guns at the entrance”.

  39. beechoak | 8:53 am |

    You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!

  40. beechoak | 8:55 am |

    Navigate THIS!

  41. Xila | 8:57 am |

    I imagine people with stupid disease are not allowed due to the use of firearms and artillery in the naughty palace.

  42. Bob* | 8:59 am |

    I hope that stupidity is not contagious!

  43. Classic Steve | 9:00 am |

    The signmaker must have ignorant disease.

  44. Dude | 9:09 am |

    #11: Well, I guess E.T. will have to find another place to phone home.

  45. Johhny Markus | 9:12 am |

    What kind of Naughty palace won’t let you pee on people or throw things around with your balls??
    Oh well, at least they have flying saucers.

  46. jjhitt | 9:20 am |

    Sounds like a great place to take the Dangerous Stranger Girt.

  47. Pete | 9:34 am |

    Two tickets from Guangzhou to Kuala Lumpur, please.
    Yes, me and my friend Girt, here.

  48. KinkyTom | 10:00 am |

    LETS ARTILLERY!!!

  49. Kitsune | 11:04 am |

    Posted at Neverland.

  50. Max | 11:17 am |

    To behave civilized in naughty place or expelled not to return shoes! Spank, berate, wicked disease shame no naughty bad bad.

  51. Kitsune | 4:50 pm |

    I know quite a few people who have the “Stupid disease”

  52. Chuck | 4:55 pm |

    I’m going back to the Naughtiness Plaza. Too many rules here !

  53. anna | 5:02 pm |

    Yes No quarelling or touching flying saucer but 5 year olds are permitted to shoot each other as long as it is not at close range

  54. Stryde | 5:55 pm |

    D: O NOES. I cannot play, for I have the stupid disease!

  55. Pete | 6:09 pm |

    In Soviet Russia, Palace naughties YOU.

  56. Weegee | 6:30 pm |

    Sun Tzu says: If the Shopping Centre gives vague instructions and shopper’s fail to follow them, it is the fault of the Shopping Centre.

  57. tk | 11:39 pm |

    no civilized urinating

  58. igiboydeguzman | 9:03 am |

    At rule 11: Fine, I’ll just touch this helicopter.

  59. cmakeng | 9:29 am |

    The Naughty Palace used to be in Times Square, but they’ve moved. Remember to bring lots of quarters and your own tissues.

  60. Murilo Silva | 12:57 pm |

    It’s really a naughty, naughty place… they give artillery for the children to play!!

  61. A non-ymous | 1:47 pm |

    Is that a period after “urine” in #8? I’m thinking they’re actually telling us to spit in everything.

  62. vik1982 | 12:25 am |

    Sounds like a playground Michael Jackson would approve of.

  63. Jim | 6:13 am |

    Stupid disease! It’s hindering me from throwing with the balls!

  64. CCrider77 | 3:13 pm |

    Don’t you know anything? Always remove the children’s shoes before going to the naughty palace!

  65. Joe | 6:58 pm |

    Naughty Palace, eh? Where do I sign up?

  66. garudamon11 | 8:16 am |

    damn , so i brought this cannon and muskets for no reason ….

  67. givecreditwhereitsdue | 8:45 am |

    Paragon Shopping Centre is in Singapore, not Kuala Lumpur.

  68. Lora | 3:45 pm |

    So there really is a disease that makes people stupid, I sure hope it not is kontayjuss…oh no waddid me just say? …Tweet tweet I is a birdy! NO!!! …Duhh tell me about da rabbits again, George. AAARRRGH!!!

  69. C. A. | 2:40 am |

    Is there medication for “stupid disease”?

  70. Yugan | 9:09 am |

    Dubya not welcome: Article 9, clause 4.

  71. C. A. | 4:21 pm |

    Let us play in the stupid disease………………

  72. Mark | 8:09 pm |

    Rule 13: Ignore rules 1 through 12. This is the naughty palace after all!

  73. Eriynne | 6:53 am |

    Just a clarification: Paragon Shopping Centre is in Bangkok, not Malaysia.

  74. Emily | 11:57 am |

    Man, why can’t *all* playgrounds ban people with stupid disease?

  75. bIrqul | 12:03 am |

    That does it. We MUST form a charitable organization to find a cure for Stupid Disease! It’s costing us our ability to make rational decisions! Remember, with time and effort, we, too, can conquer another scourge of civilizatioin! }};-]

  76. Tina | 6:16 pm |

    I would like to go, but I have artillery so I cant come in.

  77. Camping of the Spherical Knifes | 9:54 pm |

    If people with stupid disease aren’t allowed how did the sign translators get in to make the sign?

  78. kim | 10:25 pm |

    Before you guys laugh, Please make sure that there’s NO Paragon Mall in Malaysia!

  79. tan panama | 8:15 am |

    its not in malaysia or thailand or singapore, its in Cambodia. see http://tinyurl.com/yg2osyc

  80. Steven | 7:34 am |

    Oh don’t you just hate it when a great Idea from the dutch red light district gets lost in translation!

  81. Kiael | 4:41 am |

    No shoes, food, sharp things or throwin with the balls? The naughty place has never been so boring.

  82. MikeN | 4:42 pm |

    My head didn’t protrude from the spherical surface… I think I have the Stupid…

  83. NOT IMPORTANT | 6:22 pm |

    I wonder if the ball pool is in the Naughty Palace?

  84. Recoil | 5:56 am |

    I hear there’s a lot of pedophiles in the naughty palace…

  85. kenkostino | 3:48 pm |

    Paragon Shopping Mall is located in Bangkok, Not Kuala Lumpur.

  86. blacksunshine | 11:07 am |

    Oh my gosh! That was probably one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time!

  87. pasakara | 11:46 am |

    Very funny.
    BTW, There is Siam Paragon in Bangkok, but it’s definitely not called ‘Paragon Shopping Centre’. I’m sure it’s not the one in BKK. And I have never heard of the naughty palace in Siam Paragon, too bad.

  88. lol_anonymous | 12:56 am |

    Paragon Shopping Mall is not in Malaysia D: im a Malaysian and i don’t remember seeing it in the country. BTW this is so damn funny

  89. drumming_panda | 4:35 pm |

    “playing in ball pool”
    “head should protrude from spherical surface”
    “Forbid stool and urine”
    “spit in everywhere”
    “Naughty” palace

    And they only allow 3 to 13 year olds in? Is this some Malaysian “Never Never Land” or something?

  90. Bousse | 7:12 pm |

    tourists should have left after reading this. then again, it is a NAUGHTY palace so what the hell lets get it on

  91. yesh | 4:22 pm |

    The naughty palace: Take off your shoes and get it on!

  92. Wilson | 11:18 pm |

    Paragon shopping mall is in Singapore. Malaysia do not have any malls named Paragon. HAHAHAHHAZ!!!

  93. charis | 4:45 am |

    Hahaha… funny as it is, Malaysians wouldn’t even bother putting safety signs up at playgrounds, much less invent something so detailed and weird.

  94. lolDori | 1:39 pm |

    Naughty palace? Ohhhhhh.. you mean Disney!

  95. Cassie | 10:22 am |

    I’m quite sure the paragon mall mentioned here is NOT Singapore.
    As far as I know, english is one of the main languages spoken there and I have never seen such a thing in Paragon Mall either, rofl. ‘Naughty palace’ is a funny name to name a place though 😀

    ps. I’m a Singaporean (?!)

  96. Jasper | 9:40 pm |

    This is not in SIngapore!!!!!!!!!!

  97. Kelsier | 12:29 am |

    I went to touch her flying saucer with my airplane, but someone’s artillery peered with our eyes and caused stool and urine on everywhere. Then we got kicked out for infectioning stupid psychosis disease.

  98. Pete | 3:13 pm |

    Regardless of location, the naughty palace apparently strives to be the Paragon of virtue!

  99. Pete | 3:14 pm |

    …with the possible exception of the artillery, of course!

  100. Blah | 8:41 pm |

    Good thing I don’t have stupid disease, then…

  101. Vueiy | 5:02 pm |

    Hey! I can tell you have the stupid disease, now leave that UFO alone!

  102. Vueiy | 5:12 pm |

    “Sign found at mall in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.”
    Says it all.

  103. Philoyama | 1:43 pm |

    … not from Thailand, too
    They known as Siam Paragon only.

    I quiet sure it’s from Cambodia.

  104. Singaporean Ah Beng | 2:52 am |

    This sign isn’t found in Singapore. I assure you my fellow esteemed engrishmen, there is no Naughty Palace in Paragon Shopping Centre. Neither is it found in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. [Drumroll] Naughty Palace is found in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. My proof is here: http://www.lonelyplanet.com/travelblogs/207/2047/Phnom+Penh+with+children+%E2%80%93+Part+5?destId=355852

  105. jaque | 9:58 pm |

    Paragon Mall is in Bangkok, not Malaysia or Singapore. What’s with the haters here, huh? Chill out people, things here are supposed to be funny, but you guys are making a mess with your hate comments.

  106. Sarah | 11:03 am |

    be it in Singapore, Bangkok or Cambodia, [ Paragon Shopping Centre] NEVER EXIST in Kuala Lumpur. edit plz…

  107. Kath | 10:11 am |

    #3: “Only one (1) practical joke per child allowed”

  108. Kath | 10:12 am |

    #8: “So remember, little Johnny, no pooing or peeing in there. Spit if you feel like it, though”

  109. Kath | 10:13 am |

    @ #9: How discriminating! Where are poor little diseases going to play, then?

  110. Kath | 10:15 am |

    #9:
    – Parent: “I hope he doesn’t catch any stupid disease playing in there”
    – Naughty Palace staff member: “Don’t worry ma’am, no stupid diseases are allowed here… only smart ones. We get them IQ’ed and all…”

  111. Kath | 10:16 am |

    # 11: *sigh* “Oh well. I guess I’ll have to use my hands, then.”

  112. Kath | 11:14 am |

    # 4: Females might throw. Males must have balls removed before they throw.

  113. Janaina | 4:44 pm |

    Stupid disease… I’ve finally found out what’s wrong with some friends of mine… ( =

  114. rebelsmileygirl | 11:57 pm |

    Ok, so the sign maker is banned from the naughty palace too, on account of having the stupid disease?! O.o

  115. chii | 2:06 am |

    but i never play without my knife!

  116. Alchemik | 2:04 pm |

    “Forbid shooting at close distance”… Right… Howitzer crew, shoot that high building! It’s at least two clicks from here. We don’t want to have playgound guards on us…

  117. Junix Ronquillo | 1:39 am |

    A civirization ranguage is one herr of a stupid disease… WTF? It’s stupid disease is vilar! Oh no i’m contracting a stupid diease..

  118. someone | 3:56 am |

    Oh yeah, here’s two more rules:
    13. Forbid the throw-up in naughty palace. Tourist that do this will be violated.
    14. Naughty palace stuff destroy is forbid.

  119. teddy | 2:31 pm |

    i bet this poor sign-maker was taken for a ride to the wrong naughty palace as a kid…

  120. Damien | 3:26 am |

    Why, how do your children behave at home?

  121. iM CRAZY!! | 4:38 pm |

    i went to the Naughty Palace, i was robed then shoot…three times…
    i found a dead baby in the sand box and a hobo…..
    the best part was when i found Old Gregg in the bathroom!!!

    im not EVER going back to the Naughty Palace…

  122. Leo | 11:43 am |

    Believe me or not this mall is in Singapore. I know this because i recently came from there and actually took a picture of this very sign, which now reads in blue…

  123. Lilly Todd | 7:24 pm |

    “stupid disease”
    engrish WIN

  124. Ptharien's Flame | 2:22 pm |

    i guess i can’t throw with the balls, maybe in the naughty palace?

  125. Kevin Kerr | 11:12 pm |

    What if someone has a smart disease such as cancer….

  126. mickeygreeneyes | 8:15 pm |

    I feeling sad, only have naughty apartment. To me plese send rules also so I play with disease tooo. Thanks you

  127. Tessa Cole | 11:18 am |

    You can’t tell an American to leave their knives, and stupid diseases at home…that ain’t Christian.

  128. Hades | 7:20 pm |

    That sign is not found in Paragon Singapore. Singaporean signs are generally (though not always) spelt out in good english. The Brits did rule us for 150 years.

  129. May | 8:41 pm |

    Hahaha, there is no paragon mall in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia…So this is definitely the one in Bangkok! I wonder if they put that through google translator.
    “Advocate use of civilization language”- they better live up to it!

  130. coffeebot | 1:54 pm |

    It uses the civilzation language or it gets the beverage in the naughty palace.

  131. DrLex | 6:03 am |

    The artillery is not for playing. It is for shooting down the UFOs and airplanes that do not obey the naughty palace’s safe navigation, and do attempt to touch down.

  132. kloo | 2:21 am |

    locals can throw balls all they want.

  133. Kurt Hudson | 11:52 pm |

    Golden rules, not showers!

  134. wurr | 4:04 am |

    Mamma, I want to go to the naughty palace! So i can ride the flying saucers and throw balls around!

  135. Zyzi | 7:23 pm |

    If you google Paragon Shopping Centre & Kuala Lumpur you get a map from http://www.streetdirectory.com that shows a mall called Paragon Point Shopping Centre southeast of KL, located at Jalan Bunga Tanjung.

  136. John | 8:50 pm |

    Put that UFO away right now!

  137. 3dotsforme | 2:16 pm |

    My kids obeyed #6 very well, they didn’t slid out of my naughty palace’s tube, I had c-sections!

  138. meat | 8:39 pm |

    3-13!? They told me you have to be 21 to get into the Naughty Palace!

  139. Kiwi | 3:09 am |

    I always knew stupid was a disease.

  140. Doff | 6:50 am |

    Artillery, planes and a flying saucer in the pool. I want to go to that pool.

  141. Kaley | 2:39 am |

    Stool and urine is forbid to naughty places for to keep sanitation.

  142. Brian | 11:36 am |

    My brother, Lance Thomas, found this very same sign in Phnom Penh Cambodia. Also, there is a Paragon mall in Bangkok. I think they distribute copies of the sign to various malls all over SE Asia.

    -B.

  143. takatomon | 12:54 pm |

    13. author is to forbid from swimming as to for stupid disease
    ——————————————————————————————–
    14. stupid disease is permit for use of guns only
    ——————————————————————————————–
    for when shoot to visitors by artillery, most polite it is to lead them after commence of running
    ——————————————————————————————–
    courtesy neverland japan
    ——————————————————————————————–
    contagious as such roll and rock pnemonia create boogie woogie flu not permit for naughty place
    ——————————————————————————————–
    artilery for only use emergency care when seeing gojira at distance to target
    ——————————————————————————————–
    “the tourist can’t throw with the balls”?
    translation: he throws like a girl

  144. noname | 9:49 am |

    This kind of “failed” English never happens with Paragon in Thailand since it is the best shopping mall in Thailand

  145. Anna | 12:44 pm |

    Forget the tourists and guns. Take me to the flying saucer, man.

  146. Nate | 2:10 pm |

    with the throwin and the balls AWW tourists say the darndest things.

  147. the-one-and-only | 5:49 am |

    obviously should take note of #8 themselves…
    civilised language would be appreciated!
    oh, and no knives allowed (#2) , but you can play with guns and artillery – just not at close range (#10) ??!!WTF??

  148. the-one-and-only | 5:53 am |

    ..what, so only the TOURISTS get SPECIAL RULES…….

  149. Gerson | 3:45 am |

    Extra rule: Tell anyone about the flying saucer and you die.

  150. fifi | 7:04 pm |

    “Hey, look, a naughty palace! Wanna refrain from quarreling and doing practical jokes?” “that sounds like fun, but I can’t. I have type 2 stupid disease.”

  151. bongfellow | 6:26 pm |

    The Paragon Shopping Center is in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I remember seeing this sign in the children’s play area on the top floor a couple of years ago. Paragon has been recently remodeled, so I’m not sure if the play area still exists. Engrish is abundant in Cambodia.

  152. Strazdas | 3:11 pm |

    What, i cant enter with my stupid disease?

  153. noneofyourbusiness | 3:32 pm |

    what is it that it is that is this ‘civilisation language’ that you speak of?

  154. ArallaHiney | 1:15 pm |

    You can spit everywhere, but don’t let me catch you peeing or pooping young patriotic tourist!

  155. Lollerskate | 6:19 am |

    And I thought Area 51 didn’t accept any tourists…

  156. vic | 11:41 am |

    i have stupid disease! i am king of naughty palace!

  157. Abdul | 5:51 am |

    Also work as a childbirth instructions!

  158. Gimelik | 1:48 am |

    Sir! I’m stupid… Can I enter?

  159. GUNNER | 8:39 pm |

    Whats the naughty palace??

  160. Andrew Chia | 6:01 pm |

    What a naughty palace!

  161. Soso | 8:58 am |

    Not even a smart disease to play in it!

  162. Xyzt | 5:53 am |

    Yes. There is a Bright disease.

  163. doom | 1:02 pm |

    you cant get in if you have stupid disease?

    well they just lost 90% of their customers…

  164. Certainly not an english speaker | 2:08 pm |

    There is guns, artillery, planes and flying saucers. Looks like Area 51. I always knew that it was a naughty palace.

  165. Newbie | 11:08 pm |

    Guns, artillery, planes, flying saucers, and balls in “Naughty Play Place”. No food, drink, spit, urine, stool, sharp objects, practical joking, quarreling, kids over 13 or under 4 without parent or with heart disease, infection disease, psychosis disease or stupid disease.

    Sounds reasonable to me

  166. Newbie | 11:09 pm |

    No edible? There goes my special brownie. Is my burger ok though?

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