It’s fun to speculate what you will get…

posted on 3 Dec 2009 in Chinglish, Menus

Photo courtesy of Nicholas Miller.
Menu found in Beijing, China.

94 captions

  1. Yugan | 2:02 am |

    Waiter, please, take back my mutton, it’s only well-done.

  2. Yugan | 2:02 am |

    Come to our restaurant, we guarantee you’ll have a blast!

  3. Einar | 2:36 am |

    I think I’m going to have an exploson belly if I eat the Wu Dan blasting powder.

  4. SF | 2:57 am |

    What seems honey is probably bee puke.
    Also, I would be interested by the difference between blasting powder, third-like explosion and explos on belly. Powerful stuff.

  5. Algernon | 3:57 am |

    I don’t know if its the MSG or what but this blows me away.

  6. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:13 am |

    I’ve heard of taking a mild laxative. But Blasting Powder….Indeed!

  7. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:17 am |

    After all that, I imagine Beijing City would be toast. So I guess babequed is logical.

  8. Big Fat Cat | 4:31 am |

    Special of the day: Burned Tiger

  9. Big Fat Cat | 4:32 am |

    Gigot is better than Bigot.

  10. Big Fat Cat | 4:33 am |

    Do you serve Pepsi fried beef here?

  11. dangevin | 4:47 am |

    Culiu wood to be? Sounds like a job for the Erection Development Organization.

  12. dangevin | 4:49 am |

    Explos on belly isn’t very satisfying, but it least it comes out quickly.

  13. beechoak | 4:56 am |

    Give it an hour after ingestion, then the explosion occurs…

  14. kringo | 5:06 am |

    The Chinese sure have funny names for alternative music groups.

  15. rowger | 5:11 am |

    Third-like explosion… glad is not Turd-like.

  16. Blaze | 5:21 am |

    Stupid wall street! I dumped all of my money into a barbecue speculation, and what am I now? Burned Mutton?

  17. Lora | 6:14 am |

    Wow! I never got a free fireworks display with my meal before.

  18. Ralph. Hamilton | 6:16 am |

    gigot = Leg of lamb or veal suitable for roasting.
    Therefore: Gigot sands = lamb sandwich.
    At this rate, I will make sense of the whole menu, in, say, 300 years.

  19. Lora | 6:17 am |

    It Seems Honey…from the makers of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

  20. Joseph | 6:34 am |

    Excuse me waiter, I need 5 Sands Gigots for a funeral procession today.

  21. Anton | 6:50 am |

    Sounds like a lumberjack restaurant – they have blasting power and they eat trees! (wood to be… still can’t decipher that one)

  22. Xila31 | 7:25 am |

    I told him not eat that blasting powder, now he’ll be in the bathroom all night!

  23. Tommy Wylie | 7:35 am |

    Color bitch give me erection development and explos on belly

  24. Chris | 8:10 am |

    Umm…is McDonald’s still open?

  25. Lollerskate | 8:41 am |

    What seems honey?… That bee “byproduct” didn’t sell well with the more “unpolite” name…

  26. George | 8:55 am |

    Clearly this is in China, or there would be diet-coke bbq as well.

  27. tekleader | 9:00 am |

    It seems Honey, I’m so sorry about Explos on belly. I swear that’s never happened before…

  28. Marc | 9:13 am |

    Coke fried beef? Is the coke a powder or a marinade?

  29. Marc | 9:14 am |

    The third like explosion comes after the Wu Dan blasting powder

  30. Grifter | 9:17 am |

    I’d like mine with Diet Coke fried beef please.

  31. Lollerskate | 9:24 am |

    And if you take all Beijing City’s Barbeque your belly MUST explos!

  32. jjhitt | 11:25 am |

    I’d like a table for two in the Non-Blasting section please…

  33. Chris | 12:08 pm |

    What’s for dinner?
    Mutton, honey

  34. Brian | 12:09 pm |

    Mmmm, everything sounds so good….

    (“Wood to be” *might* be bamboo shoots…)

  35. Brian | 12:18 pm |

    Chris: “Mutton, honey — it seems.”

  36. Pete | 1:06 pm |

    Crouching mutton, Hidden honey.

  37. Pete | 1:08 pm |

    DUCK season!

    MUTTON season!

    DUCK season!…..

  38. jjhitt | 2:08 pm |

    Egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage spam and blasting powder…

  39. jjhitt | 2:10 pm |

    Beef and Explosives… it’s what’s for dinner.

  40. Pete | 2:44 pm |

    OK, Re-write:

    Crouching Honey, Hidden Explosives!

    (And the crouching honey just MIGHT be Zhang Ziyi.)

  41. Flamingomoon | 4:12 pm |

    “Barbeque Speculation” … and I thought “mystery meat” was scary enough.

  42. Chuck | 5:47 pm |

    Well, first-like, it sounds, like, kinda noisy.

    Is it at least tasty-like ?

  43. Wilfred Mathews | 6:08 pm |

    Today’s Special: Fried Donut Curry

  44. Easily Amused | 7:56 pm |

    I’ll take ‘It Seems Honey’ for 400, Alex.

  45. Ming | 8:12 pm |

    I am a native Chinese speaker.

    Only two items there were translated roughly correctly.
    “It seems to be honey,” and the last one.

    However, I have no idea what kind of food, “It seems to be honey” is.

  46. Yugan | 9:27 pm |

    “Wood to be” 木須, I think you call it musu in American pseudo-Chinese restaurants?
    It’s cassia, a kind of flower, related to cinnamon. The dish was originally called egg noodles, but it was popular with the eunuchs in the Ming dynasty court, and they were very sensitive about the word ‘eggs’ so the name was changed to cassia noodles. No kidding.

  47. Recoil | 2:15 am |

    “Hmm… I dunno, it looks more like it’s been sautéed than barbecued. What do you think, dear?”.

  48. DrLex | 6:11 am |

    Third-like explosion. Because with all the blasting powder and Explos on bellies, they kind of lost count.

  49. Chris | 8:19 am |

    Pete: Everyone knows it’s baseball season!

  50. Blake | 11:07 am |

    Bejing Barbeque! Of all the wonderful barbeque styles, that’s my favorite kind!

  51. Green Knight | 11:43 am |

    Wood to be… = pine cones?

  52. Sexual Harassment Company | 11:53 am |

    I got the Third-like explosion once, it was amazing.

  53. Wu Dan Clan | 12:31 pm |

    I believe my doctor gave me the Wu Dan Blastin Power before my colonoscopy… I had a Close Encounter of the Third-like.

  54. Pete | 12:48 pm |

    Waiter, can I have that shaker of TNT to sprinkle on my oxtail?

  55. LickAstrey | 3:56 pm |

    Wait, is this a drug shop?

  56. teddeler | 6:19 pm |

    Um, I’ll admit I laughed reading this but I’m suspicious when so many jokes appear on a single menu. Does this look photoshopped to anyone else? It looks like the reflection on the glass is showing in front of the kanji on the left but not changing the shades of the lettering on the right.

    Maybe I’m just too skeptical

  57. Alan | 9:49 pm |

    The Wu Dan blasting powder always gives me heartburn.

  58. Lollerskate | 11:11 pm |

    ^ I don’t think it’s a Photoshop. A lot of legitimate restaurant Engrish exists, and some examples are even crazier than this. Also, the impression of no reflection is given because the letters are white. Some reflection is visible in the darkest parts.

  59. Repetitious | 2:37 am |

    Not responsible for customer spontaneous combustion.

  60. ooklimoogwu | 3:40 am |

    Oh come on, “Beijing City Barbecue,” couldn’t we have gotten a misspell or typo? You broke the streak!

  61. jjhitt | 4:24 am |

    Eunuch noodles, hold the eggs…
    (Thankful I gots eggs to hold.)

  62. toots | 3:34 pm |

    Woo, Dan! That was some blasting powder!

  63. TJ | 4:52 pm |

    The perfect meal for the pyro.

  64. L.A. Kenji Ishikawa | 8:56 pm |

    Chinese are famous for fireworks on their food

  65. Pete | 6:30 am |

    The “Wu Dan Blasting Powder” is Sichuan Chilies.
    “Third-like Explosion” is triple the dose.

    And the “It Seems Honey” are Sichuan Peppercorns…Seems like honey, but you can’t tell ’cause your tongue’s too danged NUMB to be able to know for sure!

  66. Atli Hafsteinsson | 10:46 am |

    It seems, honey, that Culiu is the wood-to-be… as long as Wu Dan doesn’t come with his blasting powder

  67. Bear or bust | 9:52 am |

    Coke = probably over hot coals, i’e some sort of barbecue. Wu Dan Blasting Powder is a different bottle of pop entirely.

  68. Pete | 4:44 pm |

    Actually Tiger Woods appears the best person to ask these days about “hidden honey”.

  69. pal | 4:53 pm |

    eh….I’m not quite sure what I would get in those dishes even though I can read the Chinese. And the translations they put for the fancy dish names are not that much off literally.

  70. Engrushel | 6:10 pm |

    WHAT?! ONLY THIRD-LIKE EXPLOSION?! NOT EVEN SECOND?!

  71. Nicholas | 5:24 pm |

    “Barbeque Speculation” – Is that like a credit crunch barbeque or something?

  72. Nicholas | 5:31 pm |

    Teacher: “You are not yet worthy of the secret of the ‘Wu Dan Blasting Powder’ young master…”

    Pupil: “When will I be ready master? When will I know?”

    Teacher: “When you first discover the true nature of that which ‘seems honey like’. Only then will you be ready for Wu Dan!

  73. JeV | 3:06 pm |

    “Crouching mutton, Hidden honey.” had me laughing out loud. Thanks for that!

  74. fixit | 7:21 am |

    Give the chef a break, he’s a rehabilitated suicide bomber from Afghanistan.

  75. Intrik-8 | 6:08 am |

    I’m told the barbecue speculation is pretty intense.

  76. Lauren | 1:19 pm |

    i think i’ll have the Third-like explosion with the Wu Dan blasting powder….damn no wonder the mutton got burned…

  77. Jwaz | 4:39 pm |

    Um, ill just have a glass of water… non exploding please.

  78. Jwaz | 4:41 pm |

    Do you have anything that doesnt explode, or was cooked by explosion, or induces explosion?

  79. TheBlackHole | 8:46 pm |

    Uhhh, waiter, I asked for a glass of water. How can any of that sound like nitroglycerin? *cup explodes*

  80. Peter | 5:33 pm |

    Excellent – this should be number ONE!

  81. don | 8:27 am |

    excuse me, we ordered Wu Dan blasting powder. send it again here in afghanistan asap..

  82. mickeygreeneyes | 8:05 pm |

    Um, on second thought, is there a McDonald’s nearby?

  83. mickeygreeneyes | 8:07 pm |

    Sands Gigot? Wasn’t that Sally Field’s first movie?

  84. DrLex | 6:32 am |

    It seems honey, but to be honest we have absolutely no clue as to what it really is.

  85. kloo | 2:12 am |

    forget a stripper in a cake, I’ll take the Wu Dan blasting powder!

  86. Tim | 10:39 pm |

    is this sign for food or dynamite?

  87. Hansel | 7:25 am |

    Can I get the Unibomber special: Wu Dan blasting powder, with a side of Third-like explosion? I here the glycerin dipping sauce will blow your mind.

  88. Doff | 8:15 am |

    You won’t walk away from that meal.

  89. Brian | 12:45 pm |

    Close Encounters of the Third-Like Kind.

  90. Yuha | 8:31 am |

    Mr. Creosote’s favorite Chinese.

  91. amanda | 10:45 am |

    There’s so many options, what do you reccomend?

  92. Jill | 12:30 pm |

    After this, everyone will be vegetarians… if they survive!

  93. NightWolf71 | 7:17 pm |

    It seems honey, but here’s a little warning: it might be oil, or maybe even poison!

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