It’s fun to speculate what you will get…

posted on 3 Dec 2009 in Chinglish, Menus

Photo courtesy of Nicholas Miller.
Menu found in Beijing, China.

94 captions

  1. Yugan | 2:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Waiter, please, take back my mutton, it’s only well-done.

  2. Yugan | 2:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Come to our restaurant, we guarantee you’ll have a blast!

  3. Einar | 2:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I think I’m going to have an exploson belly if I eat the Wu Dan blasting powder.

  4. SF | 2:57 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    What seems honey is probably bee puke.
    Also, I would be interested by the difference between blasting powder, third-like explosion and explos on belly. Powerful stuff.

  5. Algernon | 3:57 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I don’t know if its the MSG or what but this blows me away.

  6. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ve heard of taking a mild laxative. But Blasting Powder….Indeed!

  7. Ralph. Hamilton | 4:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    After all that, I imagine Beijing City would be toast. So I guess babequed is logical.

  8. Big Fat Cat | 4:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Special of the day: Burned Tiger

  9. Big Fat Cat | 4:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Gigot is better than Bigot.

  10. Big Fat Cat | 4:33 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Do you serve Pepsi fried beef here?

  11. dangevin | 4:47 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Culiu wood to be? Sounds like a job for the Erection Development Organization.

  12. dangevin | 4:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Explos on belly isn’t very satisfying, but it least it comes out quickly.

  13. beechoak | 4:56 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Give it an hour after ingestion, then the explosion occurs…

  14. kringo | 5:06 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    The Chinese sure have funny names for alternative music groups.

  15. rowger | 5:11 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Third-like explosion… glad is not Turd-like.

  16. Blaze | 5:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Stupid wall street! I dumped all of my money into a barbecue speculation, and what am I now? Burned Mutton?

  17. Lora | 6:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Wow! I never got a free fireworks display with my meal before.

  18. Ralph. Hamilton | 6:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    gigot = Leg of lamb or veal suitable for roasting.
    Therefore: Gigot sands = lamb sandwich.
    At this rate, I will make sense of the whole menu, in, say, 300 years.

  19. Lora | 6:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    It Seems Honey…from the makers of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

  20. Joseph | 6:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Excuse me waiter, I need 5 Sands Gigots for a funeral procession today.

  21. Joseph | 6:35 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigot

  22. Anton | 6:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Sounds like a lumberjack restaurant – they have blasting power and they eat trees! (wood to be… still can’t decipher that one)

  23. Xila31 | 7:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I told him not eat that blasting powder, now he’ll be in the bathroom all night!

  24. Tommy Wylie | 7:35 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Color bitch give me erection development and explos on belly

  25. Chris | 8:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Umm…is McDonald’s still open?

  26. Lollerskate | 8:41 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    What seems honey?… That bee “byproduct” didn’t sell well with the more “unpolite” name…

  27. George | 8:55 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Clearly this is in China, or there would be diet-coke bbq as well.

  28. tekleader | 9:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It seems Honey, I’m so sorry about Explos on belly. I swear that’s never happened before…

  29. Marc | 9:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Coke fried beef? Is the coke a powder or a marinade?

  30. Marc | 9:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The third like explosion comes after the Wu Dan blasting powder

  31. Grifter | 9:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’d like mine with Diet Coke fried beef please.

  32. Lollerskate | 9:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    And if you take all Beijing City’s Barbeque your belly MUST explos!

  33. jjhitt | 11:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’d like a table for two in the Non-Blasting section please…

  34. Chris | 12:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 1  

    What’s for dinner?
    Mutton, honey

  35. Brian | 12:09 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Mmmm, everything sounds so good….

    (“Wood to be” *might* be bamboo shoots…)

  36. Brian | 12:18 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Chris: “Mutton, honey — it seems.”

  37. Pete | 1:06 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Crouching mutton, Hidden honey.

  38. Pete | 1:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    DUCK season!

    MUTTON season!

    DUCK season!…..

  39. jjhitt | 2:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage spam and blasting powder…

  40. jjhitt | 2:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Beef and Explosives… it’s what’s for dinner.

  41. Pete | 2:44 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    OK, Re-write:

    Crouching Honey, Hidden Explosives!

    (And the crouching honey just MIGHT be Zhang Ziyi.)

  42. Flamingomoon | 4:12 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Barbeque Speculation” … and I thought “mystery meat” was scary enough.

  43. Chuck | 5:47 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Well, first-like, it sounds, like, kinda noisy.

    Is it at least tasty-like ?

  44. Wilfred Mathews | 6:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Today’s Special: Fried Donut Curry

  45. Easily Amused | 7:56 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ll take ‘It Seems Honey’ for 400, Alex.

  46. Ming | 8:12 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I am a native Chinese speaker.

    Only two items there were translated roughly correctly.
    “It seems to be honey,” and the last one.

    However, I have no idea what kind of food, “It seems to be honey” is.

  47. Yugan | 9:27 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Wood to be” 木須, I think you call it musu in American pseudo-Chinese restaurants?
    It’s cassia, a kind of flower, related to cinnamon. The dish was originally called egg noodles, but it was popular with the eunuchs in the Ming dynasty court, and they were very sensitive about the word ‘eggs’ so the name was changed to cassia noodles. No kidding.

  48. Recoil | 2:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Hmm… I dunno, it looks more like it’s been sautéed than barbecued. What do you think, dear?”.

  49. DrLex | 6:11 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Third-like explosion. Because with all the blasting powder and Explos on bellies, they kind of lost count.

  50. Chris | 8:19 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Pete: Everyone knows it’s baseball season!

  51. Blake | 11:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Bejing Barbeque! Of all the wonderful barbeque styles, that’s my favorite kind!

  52. Green Knight | 11:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Wood to be… = pine cones?

  53. Sexual Harassment Company | 11:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I got the Third-like explosion once, it was amazing.

  54. Wu Dan Clan | 12:31 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I believe my doctor gave me the Wu Dan Blastin Power before my colonoscopy… I had a Close Encounter of the Third-like.

  55. Pete | 12:48 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Waiter, can I have that shaker of TNT to sprinkle on my oxtail?

  56. LickAstrey | 3:56 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Wait, is this a drug shop?

  57. teddeler | 6:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Um, I’ll admit I laughed reading this but I’m suspicious when so many jokes appear on a single menu. Does this look photoshopped to anyone else? It looks like the reflection on the glass is showing in front of the kanji on the left but not changing the shades of the lettering on the right.

    Maybe I’m just too skeptical

  58. Alan | 9:49 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The Wu Dan blasting powder always gives me heartburn.

  59. Lollerskate | 11:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    ^ I don’t think it’s a Photoshop. A lot of legitimate restaurant Engrish exists, and some examples are even crazier than this. Also, the impression of no reflection is given because the letters are white. Some reflection is visible in the darkest parts.

  60. Repetitious | 2:37 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Not responsible for customer spontaneous combustion.

  61. ooklimoogwu | 3:40 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Oh come on, “Beijing City Barbecue,” couldn’t we have gotten a misspell or typo? You broke the streak!

  62. jjhitt | 4:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Eunuch noodles, hold the eggs…
    (Thankful I gots eggs to hold.)

  63. toots | 3:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Woo, Dan! That was some blasting powder!

  64. TJ | 4:52 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The perfect meal for the pyro.

  65. L.A. Kenji Ishikawa | 8:56 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Chinese are famous for fireworks on their food

  66. Pete | 6:30 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The “Wu Dan Blasting Powder” is Sichuan Chilies.
    “Third-like Explosion” is triple the dose.

    And the “It Seems Honey” are Sichuan Peppercorns…Seems like honey, but you can’t tell ’cause your tongue’s too danged NUMB to be able to know for sure!

  67. Atli Hafsteinsson | 10:46 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It seems, honey, that Culiu is the wood-to-be… as long as Wu Dan doesn’t come with his blasting powder

  68. Bear or bust | 9:52 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Coke = probably over hot coals, i’e some sort of barbecue. Wu Dan Blasting Powder is a different bottle of pop entirely.

  69. Pete | 4:44 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Actually Tiger Woods appears the best person to ask these days about “hidden honey”.

  70. pal | 4:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    eh….I’m not quite sure what I would get in those dishes even though I can read the Chinese. And the translations they put for the fancy dish names are not that much off literally.

  71. Engrushel | 6:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    WHAT?! ONLY THIRD-LIKE EXPLOSION?! NOT EVEN SECOND?!

  72. Nicholas | 5:24 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Barbeque Speculation” – Is that like a credit crunch barbeque or something?

  73. Nicholas | 5:31 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Teacher: “You are not yet worthy of the secret of the ‘Wu Dan Blasting Powder’ young master…”

    Pupil: “When will I be ready master? When will I know?”

    Teacher: “When you first discover the true nature of that which ‘seems honey like’. Only then will you be ready for Wu Dan!

  74. JeV | 3:06 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Crouching mutton, Hidden honey.” had me laughing out loud. Thanks for that!

  75. fixit | 7:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Give the chef a break, he’s a rehabilitated suicide bomber from Afghanistan.

  76. Intrik-8 | 6:08 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’m told the barbecue speculation is pretty intense.

  77. Lauren | 1:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    i think i’ll have the Third-like explosion with the Wu Dan blasting powder….damn no wonder the mutton got burned…

  78. Jwaz | 4:39 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Um, ill just have a glass of water… non exploding please.

  79. Jwaz | 4:41 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Do you have anything that doesnt explode, or was cooked by explosion, or induces explosion?

  80. TheBlackHole | 8:46 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Uhhh, waiter, I asked for a glass of water. How can any of that sound like nitroglycerin? *cup explodes*

  81. Peter | 5:33 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Excellent – this should be number ONE!

  82. don | 8:27 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    excuse me, we ordered Wu Dan blasting powder. send it again here in afghanistan asap..

  83. mickeygreeneyes | 8:05 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Um, on second thought, is there a McDonald’s nearby?

  84. mickeygreeneyes | 8:07 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Sands Gigot? Wasn’t that Sally Field’s first movie?

  85. DrLex | 6:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It seems honey, but to be honest we have absolutely no clue as to what it really is.

  86. kloo | 2:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    forget a stripper in a cake, I’ll take the Wu Dan blasting powder!

  87. Tim | 10:39 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    is this sign for food or dynamite?

  88. Hansel | 7:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Can I get the Unibomber special: Wu Dan blasting powder, with a side of Third-like explosion? I here the glycerin dipping sauce will blow your mind.

  89. Doff | 8:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You won’t walk away from that meal.

  90. Brian | 12:45 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Close Encounters of the Third-Like Kind.

  91. Yuha | 8:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Mr. Creosote’s favorite Chinese.

  92. amanda | 10:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    There’s so many options, what do you reccomend?

  93. Jill | 12:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    After this, everyone will be vegetarians… if they survive!

  94. NightWolf71 | 7:17 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It seems honey, but here’s a little warning: it might be oil, or maybe even poison!

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