Chapter 1: Foreplay Communication

posted on 27 Jan 2010 in Books/Magazines, Chinglish


Photo courtesy of Christopher Daniel.
English textbook found in Hainan, China.

60 captions

  1. Spoony | 12:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Say it, don’t spray it.

  2. Luke | 12:58 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Hey honey, I’m just going to throw some burgers on the grill and then we can have hot hot sex with all our neighbors.

  3. Algernon | 12:59 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Not in front of the chiklren

  4. mindance | 1:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    modern–and definitely in english–version of kamasutra…

  5. venomlash | 1:54 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    No wonder those people look so happy!

  6. KinkyTom | 2:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    Is that a sausage in your bun or are you just happy to see me ;D

  7. Lollerskate | 2:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    “Oral Sex: Talking before doin’ it”.

  8. SF | 2:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    To take you past “wham bam thank you M’am”

  9. Koeter | 3:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    “the fine art of dirty talk”

  10. Ralph Hamilton | 3:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    NNoddy. Social intercourse, is NOT screwing in groups.

  11. Ralph Hamilton | 3:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    No Noddy (edit)

  12. jjhitt | 3:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    “Nice buns…. Nice buns…”
    “Can I get you a beer? Can I get you a beer?”
    “Would you like sauce on that? Would you like sauce on that?”

  13. jjhitt | 3:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    You can lick our sauce, but you can’t beat our meat.

  14. jjhitt | 3:58 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    If staring at my spatula makes you smile, wait until you see my baster.

  15. Big Fat Cat | 3:59 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Not available in California.

  16. Big Fat Cat | 4:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Lesson One: What the Fxxk !

  17. beechoak | 4:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Not your average “patio talk”…

  18. beechoak | 4:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    When you said “there’s a party on my Big Deck and your invited,” I thought you had something else in mind…

  19. beechoak | 4:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    edit “you’re” [sigh]

  20. beechoak | 4:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Modern Living Magazine for the Young Urban Professional Amish of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania…

  21. Globe Trotter | 5:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Intercourse Communication???

    Before: PLEEEEEEASE
    During: MMM…UGH… OOH…. AHH
    After: ZZZZZZZZZZ

  22. Grifter | 5:52 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Let’s get right down to the point we’re dating…

  23. Blaze | 5:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    $50 up front, cash.

    What?!?

  24. Karmas girl | 6:51 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Chap 6: You Learn Make Happy Now

  25. coffeebot | 6:52 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    BILLYBOB: And then what happened?

    SKEETER: I communicated with her!

    BILLYBOB: heheh… uh… heheh, communicate… heheh

    SKEETER: heheh

  26. Adam | 7:00 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Learn how to work your way into that person’s bed.

  27. mRn | 7:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    That’s good .. atlast i get to pursue my career on a subject i really like

  28. Chris | 8:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    That guy is really flaunting his deck

  29. BeadyEl | 10:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Rule#1: when you are hard, do not forget a smile.

  30. cmakeng | 10:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    For 20 dolla, me luv you long time.

  31. tami | 10:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    “I don’t know, he’s a bit anal.”

  32. stan | 10:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Drink Drinker, drunk drunker, have intercourse communication, then smork.

  33. Thuggy D | 10:42 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Intercourse: The Best Kind of Communication!

  34. Salome | 12:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    You awake?

  35. jjhitt | 2:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Go to Dalian University of Technology to learn Intercourse.
    Go to Mabel’s Cat House to learn TCP/IP Networking.

  36. Jay | 2:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Intercourse communication is good, but don’t talk with your mouth full.

  37. Ralph Hamilton | 3:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Also. The bloke on the right, seems to have brought a rather large package to the party.

  38. Pete | 5:57 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Student, reading part of Dialogue A on pg. 23 in drill book: “Show me your unit. You’d better be packin’, buddy boy!”

    Student, looking up from book: Shenme ya? Wo zhen kan bu dong ah!

  39. Bob* | 7:13 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    How do you greet somebody at night?
    “Good evening”

    How do you greet somebody in the morning?
    “Will you call me?”

  40. skyhack | 12:29 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Can we talk?….

  41. Chuck | 1:42 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Talk. The other four-letter word ending in “K”.

  42. MSGangsta | 3:35 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Can’t we just cuddle?

  43. Izzie | 4:33 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I bet the students actually volunteer to role play the dialogues in this text!

  44. Lora | 11:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Boy, the stuff that doesn’t end up on Adult Engrish sure still can get away with a lot!

  45. DavoPavo | 11:51 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    “Put the weiner in the bun”

  46. vineclimber | 12:16 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hmmm… does “get up, get up, get up…. wake up, wake up, wake up” enter the “communication”?

  47. Randybabay | 3:44 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Yes honey I do think she’s old enough to learn about the birds and the bees and this book well teach us how to talk to her about it.

  48. Chaosweaver | 11:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Isn’t there an app for that yet?

  49. Lalala | 11:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Talk hanzi to me baby

  50. John Swindle | 12:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Let’s intercourse with lao wai!

  51. G | 7:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Oh man, and the publisher of this text is a Polytech – University… ouch….

  52. tex texin | 12:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Pillow Talk!

  53. Chris | 6:36 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Our talks are always very pleasurable”

    OR

    Woman:”Thanks for the communication!”
    Man:”The pleasure’s all mine.”
    Woman:”Well, not all yours.”

  54. phoenixx | 1:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    and here we see jimmy and suzy…waiting to read his book to see what they missed in sex ed

  55. Chili Willy | 1:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Hi, would you like a chili dog?”

    “Yes, please”

    “OK, please take your top off and lie down…”

  56. kloo | 1:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    who brought the kid to the swing party?

  57. Brenda | 1:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Learn to talk your way into her bed

  58. Tomas Krystinik | 5:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hone your foreplay skills at public luncheons.

  59. HardRockMark | 11:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    It’s critical to having the most pleasurable experience possible

  60. Billy | 10:15 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    are you sure that is a spatula pointed at her buns

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