Elevator riding is no laughing matter…
posted on 8 Mar 2010 in Chinglish
Photo courtesy of SethGuyen.
Found in China.
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Gee the fun police are out in force here.
Psychopaths and Pregnant Women Unite!
No midnight toking.
And that includes third like explos on belly.
You! Steve Miller! Take the stairs, you joker smoker!
How about “the stupid disease”?
I would be really worried whilst in a lift, if I was going in a dfferent direction to the lift operator.
Other people who must be accompanied:
-Space Cowboys
-People named Maurice
Speaking of the Pompetous of Love is strictly prohibited.
This sign’s a hypocrite.
I was all set to ride the elevator, but then the operator told me I had a caustic personality.
Friggin’ Nazi.
I tried to follow the lift operator but she called the police when we got into the washroom.
This elevator is a killer ride!
This is no laughing matter
Just Overheard a woman an her companion…
“Love made me blind first and then, pregnant!”
Don’t worry, in case of operational failure, our psycopaths are not alone.
That because humour is contagious?
I guess none of us commenters can ride, ’cause we’re all joking.
Midnight Tokers….
May I bring my water buffalo into the lift, Mr. Operator?
I promise he will make no hindrance!
What better place to take my nitro-glycerin meds than on an elevator? *reads #E* Son of a—!
No caustic stuff? Don’t they realise how annoying it is to use the stairs to move my caustic stuff?
No @Pete. He may make no hinderance, but he will make a heap of something else.
And no more rhyming-I mean it.
Also no brokers, poker, cokers or tapioca.
(Strip poker is permitted if don’t bring any object that might result hindrance to the operator)
Finally, a really funny engrish!
The Administrator of Lifts isn’t going to like this, Yogi.
None shall hinder the Operation!
Autolifts, transform and roll out!
Does the lift have a “slug” line for young children, pregnant women, psychopaths and people with heart conditions or mental illness?
Pregnant blind women suffering from mental illness or psychosis need not apply.
@Ralph: Only if the buffalo does so inside the lift!
; – )
H.3.a. Currently seeking volunteers to accompany psychopaths.
Wait, so in autolift I should press the buttons if I’m not the operator? I just want to get this straight.
A lad who thought it’d be quite a joke,
Went to an autolift for a smoke
But a pregnant young psychopath
Saw no reason at all to laugh,
Which proves smoking really can make you croak!
I wonder how these fun things to do on an elevator would go over in China:
1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?â€
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) On arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Meow occasionally.
6) Stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM†– and back away slowly
7) Say “DING” at each floor.
9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.â€
11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your blackberry?â€
12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.â€
14) If there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?â€
18) Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!â€
19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) Swat at flies that don’t exist.
22) Call out “Group hug†then enforce it.
why does the “no smoking” symbol have a question mark in it???
No liquor heads. And abolutely no ballyhoo.
Right. Hullaballoo is prohibited whilst in the autolift.
Me: “So a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar…”
Other guy: “Ahem… ” (points at sign).
Me: “Ah, sorry”.
@ Chris:
Anybody want a peanut?
(I love that movie!)
YOU MUST BE THIS BLIND, PREGNANT OR PSYCHOPATH TO RIDE THIS ELEVATOR
me : why did the chicken cross the road ?
LIFT OPERATOR : how dare you ! you not ride the erevator !
Is pregnancy a disease? Why can’t a pregnant woman ride the elevator by herself? Dude if my girlfriend gets pregnant am I going to have to follow her around just in case she has to ride an elevator?
Watch out! there’s a jockey in it! It will hump your back!
Okay L4D2 jokes ensued
No inflammables. Flammables only, please.
In China, do all mentally unstable people wear a shirt at all times that says ‘Psychopath’?
This is why Google left…
i think ill take the stairs…
“Inflammable” means “flammable”? What a country!
Those blind, pregnat women! They’re so crazy!
Blind and pregnant? We need immedlate help!
Whatever you do, don’t leave your psychopaths unattended!
And don’t bring your inflammables on there either! When it starts smoking, they want it ALL to combust, not just SOME of it!
next floor “maternity ward and mental health clinic”
Accompanying psychopaths?? are they serious?
Unaccompanied psychopaths and pregnant women will be taking the stairs.
Let me out immedlately !
lift administrator does not count as accompaniment.
Be sure to accompany your psychopath…
On second thought…..I’ll take the stairs.
I will follow all the directions but one… You get into the elevator with the psychopath. I’m staying the hell outta there!
Blind, Pregnant Psychopath with a mental illness?? Sounds like my kind of woman.
Beacause pregnancy is a serious ailment.
Ted Bundy must be accompanied.
Blind and pregnant!? That kid doesn’t stand a chance