Special Chinese breakfast menu
I’ll have West, hold the privates…
Photo courtesy of Tim Battles.
Found in China.
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It is fresh to squeeze the many privates.
And I’d like to butter as many as I can.
Provided they’re female privates, of course.
The Good, the Gram and the Gruel.
“C’mon punk ! Make my bleakfast !”
Hey man, I’m really happy for you, I’m gonna let you finish, but F.ck To Fry The Cow River is the best gruel of all time.
My order? No, thanks. I’m just here to watch the pig cook.
Hey! The egg-frying chef has feelings, you know.
Cry me a river powder.
Is it worth waiting for
Till we live to eighty-four
Still we get the same old
Gru—-el!
And strange critters’ privates, and pigs’ miscellaneouses, and Sydney’s juice.
And I won’t even start on what we have to do the poor cow.
I’m sorry, Sydney called to say she’s not feeling so fresh today.
F*cking an entire cow river to fry it sure seems gruelling. I’d rather use napalm.
I’ll bet that is what the cow said, when its river got fried.
It slices, it dices, it can even fillet pork and beans.
But wait, that’s not all… watch what Gruel-o-Matic does to this hot frozen duck.
Beef gruel! It’s what’s for dinner.
(Congratulations to Tim Battles for the all-time Engrish Gold Medaal winner.)
I thought it would be fresh to squeeze the juice of Sydney too, but I just got a restraining order.
I guess the word of advice this week is don’t eat breakfast in a foreign country.
The best Chinese-Engrish translation I’ve ever come across.
Let me know when they serve hot/freeze the martini…
“Hey, Chef! Gallagher is here to squeeze the watermelon…!”
It is fresh to eat somewhere else.
Some pig keeps trying to cure me of my texting habit…
In the West there are many privates… in the East, not so much…
Cow rivers and squeezing the juice out of Sydney. I think I’d feel pretty ffff amished.
menus in china are so suggestive these days…
I guess the three silk fried rice noodles come directly from the Silk Road.
Big discovery in modern medicine- the private of ??? can cure everything.
More ovaltin please.
I prefer my privates not buttered, thanks.
Everytime you f*ck, a cow river is fried.
Decisions, decisions. Sometimes finding something to eat on this menu can be a grueling task.
this is why i don’t eat breakfast
I’m scared to order the ‘butter many privates’…
Three noodles for 18 dollars is 6 bucks a noodle. Or do I get more because they’re noodle noodles?
I wonder what the staff of the restaurant thinks when all the westerners who eat there start laughing their asses off when they get the menu.
After the international mega-hit “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, Ang Lee brings us his latest masterpiece: “White Gruel, Salty Vegetables”
Those buttered items aren’t sausages….
(Shouldn’t this be under Adult Engrish?)
No, no! I said “yuck, go cry me a river!”
ok who let the hormonal teens make the menu??
Liver of pig gruel sounds so appetizing first thing in the morning!
Thank goodness it isn’t Cartman’s privates they are serving.
What a grueling way to start your day.
I love some freezed ovaltin prease.
Which came first, the burn or the egg?
Butter many privates? This sounds like a menu at the Kennedy Compound.
♫Go fry me a liver,
For I’ve fried a liver over you♫
Just a minute, Hulk Hogan will be here to sqeeze the watermlon.
I’d prefer the pig specific gruel.
I wonder what poor Tim Battles finally ordered?
White gruel. Salty eggs.
THE BEST T-shirt slogan ever.
Time, this is the most fulsome Engrish sighting ever.
I’m deeply jealous. Congrats! I would vote this a lot more than 5-stars if it was possible. Just Engrish Unending….
How much to have juicy Sydney hot/freeze the salty gruel on my buttered privates?
What the f*ck is up with “f*ck this” or “f*ck that” in Chinglish?
What the f*ck is up with “f*ck this” or “f*ck that” in Chinglish?
Fill in the blanks:
1. It is fresh to squeeze the _____.
2. Hot/Freeze the _____.
3. _____ three texts cure.
Oh yes. Very much to be having severar exprode of the tastes, and of all food is that of rots of rove to be had with you mouth. Onry finest, all quarity impossible!
It never fails to crack me up the way the Mainland translates 干 as f*ck, because the simplified character is used as the cuss word. 乾 is the traditional character, and as it’s used on the menu, it should mean “dry”. Ditto for translating 粥 as “gruel” instead of the more acceptable “porridge” – gee, that’s appetizing. Not. 多士 (duo shi) is transliteration of “toast” (here in Taiwan it’s 土司 tu si). Three texts cure 三文治 is transliteration of “sandwich” (san wen zhi – in Taiwan san ming zhi). And that “freeze” should be a simple “cold”. Sheesh. Guess I should apply for some translating work…..
For those who do not understand Chinese, let me explain how the weird name “many private” comes about. It actually means toast. Toast originated from the west. There is no exact name for it in the Chinese language. The Chinese call it “Tuo Sze” But when they tried to translate “Tuo Sze” into English, they translated the two words separately. “Tuo” in Chinese means many, “Sze” means private (as in private Benjamin). Hence, “toast “becomes “many private” LOL
What a hilarious eat early card!
))
I like the one where it says “frying an egg” on the left, and then also says “frying an egg” on the right…and the chinese characters are EXACTLY the same!!!
Oh sure! Complain about what’s on the menu! You know there are children in China who would be glad to… oh, wait a minute…
@Pete: It’s because those are set meals that contain 3 items each. The last two both offer fried eggs.
Hot/freeze the duck? Couldn’t we just put him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner
The problem is they probably asked Chinese who speaks no English to translate and they just used google translate or something. Most likely they had a waiter or an administrative staff (who speaks no English) do the translation because they can do it for free.
I so want to eat there!
WHAT?!
Don’t hot/freeze ma grammy! That woman raised me from birth!!!!
…And I’m not in the mood for f*cking to fry those damn cows.
I’ve heard about frying by friction, but that’s just ridiculous…
Be wary, foreign travelers, of what frying an egg you choose. One leads to deliciousness, the other leads to DISASTER! (You’re fxcked to fry the cow river, in other words)
“frying an egg”
I’m sorry, I just can’t get over the lack of information on this. What next? “Bringing you a glass of water” “Ladling a bowl of soup” “folding a napkin”
Picture me “Leaving a tip”
it is fresh to squeeze the apple juice lol
Ovaltine is a drink you can get it in England, basically its a cocoa / chocolate drink that you can serve either hot or cold, perish the thought that they never served up Horlicks on that menu.
I’m not gonna eat here if I have to fry the egg and squeeze the Sydney juice myself.
Of course it’s fresh to squeeze the radish.
…. but who’s going to do it? :/
I honestly have no idea what any of these food items could be. >_<
Chef, please don’t freeze my privates,wife likes it warm.
[pick up line at this restaurant]
So, you butter many privates here often?
So good, your kids will ask “more hot/frozen Ovaltine please!!!”
Proud Australian. Word of our fresh to squeeze juice has clearly traveled far along the cow feck river of powder to the distant land of many privates! If only the juice bars of Sydney knew the secret of Sydney juice.
In seriousness I’m still unclear about “good the gram” or what’s in river powder and cow river. I’m also curious about silk frying and what a vegetarian’s supposed to have for breakfast!
It is fresh to squeeze the lemon!
I’ll have the spam spam spam spam spam gruel and spam.
Hmmm… I think I saw the name tag “Sydney” on that waitress over there. Oh, waitress! Waitress! I’d like to place on order! Yes, over here please…
I cried when I saw the ham fryings the egg
until I saw
the egg BBQs the pig
Im not quite sure if im going to order the Pig ” Miscellaneous “ Gruel .. I don’t like suprises.
What do I have to do to get a cow river fried???? Oooohhh… Never mind
many privates = toast
three texts cure = sandwich
fxxk to fry the cow river = dry stir fried rice noodles with beef
good the gram = Horlicks
juice of Sydney = snow pear juice
hope this proves informative guys
I’ll have my many privates buttered, please, with miscellaneous pig on the side.
Wow. They sure do serve a lot of… gruel here.
I would like my many privates buttered, please, with pig miscellaneouses on the side, unless the pig’s too busy fryings an egg.
Gee, I don’t know what I want to eat, it all sounds equally delicious.
I want a flied liver
Wholey clap! This must be to, uh, milk tourists, because $18 for breakfast is expensive in and of itself. I hope they don’t mean each ITEM…
As a Chinese, I can tell that it’s direct chinese translation, word for word. No wonder the sentence structure really cmi.
the fxxk to fry the cow river, is actually “fried thin noodles with beef”
Waiter, my privates are not buttered! Who do I have to f*ck to fry the damn cow river?!?!
While gruel, salty egg
It´s all been previously checked for lead
So don´t worry, you won´t end up dead
In this chinese restaurant; the ham fries the egg
Wouldn´t you like to go to Mcdonald´s instead?
I would squeeze the juice of Sidney for a coke and some bread
It´s time to pay up, you begin to feel dread
What the hell is this? Something must have been misread
Everything costs 18 dollars, no matter how much you beg.
How much extra is it to butter a general?
OK, bring me a general.
Oh, and I MUST try the powdered river. Us western barbarians have not yet learned to turn water into powder, tho we do have Tang–or is that Chinese, too?
Damn this is confusing…
I think ill just have the bread of the slice of the skinned pork slice with the rotten milk of yellow and holes with of the slice on top
Give these Americans some dishwater and tell them it’s freshly squeezed watermelon juice, or re-constituted powdered river.