The swimming beard knows

posted on 3 May 2011 in Chinglish, Instructions


Photo courtesy of Gary.
Found on beach in Dali, China.

55 captions

  1. FatKenney | 4:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 6  Subtract rating 0  

    You can lead a child to water but you can’t make him shave.

  2. FatKenney | 4:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 1  

    A: The swimming beard

    Q: What do you get when you cross Mark Phelps with ZZ Top?

  3. FatKenney | 4:09 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Please, only safe swimming in this district. You wanna be reckless, go to the next county.

  4. FatKenney | 4:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    If the body is unwall don’t enter the water. If, all in all, you’re just another brick in the wall, you may be Roger Waters.

  5. jjhitt | 4:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Just stay out of the water. OK?

  6. jjhitt | 4:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Club Hormone Pool and Spa.

  7. Tong | 4:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    That was Bin Laden dressed as a child, they killed him and dumped him into the water.

  8. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    The wise beard knows; the child’s beard follows.

  9. DrLex | 4:54 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Fall down to get hurt. I knew that!

  10. DrLex | 4:56 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The raw recruit must first enter the boiling water area.

  11. Big Fat Cat | 5:59 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    The Swimming Beard is more deadly than the Jaws

  12. Algernon | 6:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Bearded child, is it a boy or girl

  13. Sunny | 6:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    @Algernon: A Tolkien Dwarf…

  14. Jellychop | 6:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “…child’s beard have results to show a person…”.
    And the results are: Positive for steroids.

  15. Eccekio | 6:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I am Australian. I thought I knew all about swimming….Now I’m not so sure.

  16. Big Fat Cat | 6:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    If child’s beard shows a person to lead a triangle, can he enter the water?

  17. Classic Steve | 6:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    OK, who filled the pool with Rogaine?

  18. Seventy2rd o clock | 7:20 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The swimming beard knows something but is to be confused about the child’s beard.

  19. Chris | 9:29 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The swimming beard knows!

  20. demondude777 | 9:37 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    So wait, I am confused. According to the rules for entering the pool, rule 4 says not to enter the water?

    Wow this sound like the wildest pool party I’ve ever been to….

  21. Tom P. | 9:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I warnnnned you to shave everyday.

  22. Tom P. | 9:46 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Who knows what evil lurks in the dark of the water?… the swimming beard knows, muhahahaha!

  23. Kitsune | 10:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 3  

    Does the swimming beard know that her husband is gay?

  24. Kitsune | 11:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 1  

    Just to explain “beard” is some one who has a relationship with someone in order to conceal their real identity or orientation. So a woman married to a gay man would be his beard.

    A good example is this quote from Doctor Who:
    Tenth Doctor: And the Master. Oh! He just showed up again, same as ever.
    Fifth Doctor: Oh no, really? Does he still have that rubbish beard?
    Tenth Doctor: No, no beard this time. Well, a wife.

  25. V-man | 11:27 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The Swimming Beard saw you peeing in that pool.

  26. Seventy2rd o clock | 11:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Five, Please take the child beard (or raw recruit) to slip
    and fall down carefully into a non-hole of watering

  27. Chuck | 12:55 pm |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    If the Swimming Beard is another incarnation of Santa’s Beard, then..

    “He sees you when you’re swimming.”
    “He knows when you’re unwall.”
    “If your motion is unsteady,”
    “Prevent to slip and fall.”

    Even creepier.

  28. Darth Na'vi | 1:22 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I felt unwall just reading this…

  29. DragonLady | 2:51 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    To SWIMMING BEARD, the Answer Man:

    Re rule 3: Can I still enter the water if leading someone really hip? Nobody square in my entourage, & I really, really want to go in.

    PS: It IS in my district.

  30. Sarah | 3:09 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Welcome to our ool – you’ll notice it has no P in it – we’d like to keep it that way… the beard on the other hand…

  31. $teve | 4:52 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    not more warnning line; there shall no be repeat of slip and fall down to get hurt.

  32. Ani | 5:59 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “I refuse to lead a square!” said the dodecahedron.

  33. Anon | 7:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Santa? Do you have a new job?

  34. David Millet | 8:29 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You can lead a square to water, but you can’t make it shave…

  35. ngyonghan | 4:18 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Whoa, I need to grow a beard to swim in that pool?” 😀

  36. iLock | 4:49 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    You could of said the ‘don’t enter water’ bit at the beginning…

  37. iLock | 4:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    So I follow ‘hand ladder watering’ to prevent slip and THEN fall down on purpose to get hurt?

    And if the hand ladder is watering… doesn’t that increase my chances of slipping?

  38. iLock | 4:54 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Hmmm, the raw recruit is not going to be happy about this…

  39. iLock | 4:58 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Hand ladder watering, swimming beards,
    child’s beards, an unwalled body…

    This is some crazy imagery.
    I don’t know what to type of scene to imagine!

    It’s making the motion of me unsteady :s

  40. iLock | 5:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Navy Captain: “The swimming beard knows too much!
    Raw recruits, chase him!”

    Raw Recruits: “But we can not get into deepwater area… :(

  41. Lollerskate | 10:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The toilet beard is just a charlatan!

  42. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Please carefully slip and fall down to get hurt. Especially if the body is unwell and the motion unsteady.

  43. Powerful Entity | 2:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Everybody knows that the beard is the word.

  44. coffeebot | 3:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Swimming Beard Haiku:

    motion unsteady
    deepwater raw recruit square
    fall down to get hurt

  45. K Chang | 6:17 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Ah, the joy of Chinese homonyms. Shu-Zhi, or “must know” somehow got translated as “beard knows” because “Shu” (must) is a homonym for “hu-shu” or beard/mustache/facial hair.

  46. Tekleader | 9:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Why? Why??? Why did I accept the job of pool cleaner at this pool?????

  47. catlurver | 10:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    …5, The child beard must stay with their appointed wise beard at all times

  48. HardRockMark | 9:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    I cant tell you how many raw recruits we’ve lost in that deep water area.

  49. Gerson | 2:18 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Japanese kids do not have santa, but the swimming beard comes close.

  50. Nukuro | 8:10 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Davy Jones in China

  51. Robert Engelhardt | 9:31 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Now I know where the kid in the CapitolOne credit card commercials goes swimming.

  52. sparky | 5:46 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Rule 5: Try to figure this out!

  53. kyotzeta | 6:58 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hey, all you raw recruits! Over here! You’re all enlisted in the armies of the night! Don’t forget to throw away your two-bit suits first!

  54. Doctor Q | 8:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    ZZ Top’s pool.

  55. Myself | 9:53 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    @iLock: It sounds like a Dali scene, which makes some sense because this Engrish was discovered in Dali, China.

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