The swimming beard knows

posted on 3 May 2011 in Chinglish, Instructions


Photo courtesy of Gary.
Found on beach in Dali, China.

55 captions

  1. FatKenney | 4:02 am |

    You can lead a child to water but you can’t make him shave.

  2. FatKenney | 4:07 am |

    A: The swimming beard

    Q: What do you get when you cross Mark Phelps with ZZ Top?

  3. FatKenney | 4:09 am |

    Please, only safe swimming in this district. You wanna be reckless, go to the next county.

  4. FatKenney | 4:13 am |

    If the body is unwall don’t enter the water. If, all in all, you’re just another brick in the wall, you may be Roger Waters.

  5. jjhitt | 4:15 am |

    Just stay out of the water. OK?

  6. jjhitt | 4:16 am |

    Club Hormone Pool and Spa.

  7. Tong | 4:32 am |

    That was Bin Laden dressed as a child, they killed him and dumped him into the water.

  8. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:36 am |

    The wise beard knows; the child’s beard follows.

  9. DrLex | 4:54 am |

    Fall down to get hurt. I knew that!

  10. DrLex | 4:56 am |

    The raw recruit must first enter the boiling water area.

  11. Big Fat Cat | 5:59 am |

    The Swimming Beard is more deadly than the Jaws

  12. Algernon | 6:10 am |

    Bearded child, is it a boy or girl

  13. Sunny | 6:17 am |

    @Algernon: A Tolkien Dwarf…

  14. Jellychop | 6:34 am |

    “…child’s beard have results to show a person…”.
    And the results are: Positive for steroids.

  15. Eccekio | 6:38 am |

    I am Australian. I thought I knew all about swimming….Now I’m not so sure.

  16. Big Fat Cat | 6:39 am |

    If child’s beard shows a person to lead a triangle, can he enter the water?

  17. Classic Steve | 6:53 am |

    OK, who filled the pool with Rogaine?

  18. Seventy2rd o clock | 7:20 am |

    The swimming beard knows something but is to be confused about the child’s beard.

  19. Chris | 9:29 am |

    Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The swimming beard knows!

  20. demondude777 | 9:37 am |

    So wait, I am confused. According to the rules for entering the pool, rule 4 says not to enter the water?

    Wow this sound like the wildest pool party I’ve ever been to….

  21. Tom P. | 9:43 am |

    I warnnnned you to shave everyday.

  22. Tom P. | 9:46 am |

    Who knows what evil lurks in the dark of the water?… the swimming beard knows, muhahahaha!

  23. Kitsune | 10:26 am |

    Does the swimming beard know that her husband is gay?

  24. Kitsune | 11:12 am |

    Just to explain “beard” is some one who has a relationship with someone in order to conceal their real identity or orientation. So a woman married to a gay man would be his beard.

    A good example is this quote from Doctor Who:
    Tenth Doctor: And the Master. Oh! He just showed up again, same as ever.
    Fifth Doctor: Oh no, really? Does he still have that rubbish beard?
    Tenth Doctor: No, no beard this time. Well, a wife.

  25. V-man | 11:27 am |

    The Swimming Beard saw you peeing in that pool.

  26. Seventy2rd o clock | 11:44 am |

    Five, Please take the child beard (or raw recruit) to slip
    and fall down carefully into a non-hole of watering

  27. Chuck | 12:55 pm |

    If the Swimming Beard is another incarnation of Santa’s Beard, then..

    “He sees you when you’re swimming.”
    “He knows when you’re unwall.”
    “If your motion is unsteady,”
    “Prevent to slip and fall.”

    Even creepier.

  28. Darth Na'vi | 1:22 pm |

    I felt unwall just reading this…

  29. DragonLady | 2:51 pm |

    To SWIMMING BEARD, the Answer Man:

    Re rule 3: Can I still enter the water if leading someone really hip? Nobody square in my entourage, & I really, really want to go in.

    PS: It IS in my district.

  30. Sarah | 3:09 pm |

    Welcome to our ool – you’ll notice it has no P in it – we’d like to keep it that way… the beard on the other hand…

  31. $teve | 4:52 pm |

    not more warnning line; there shall no be repeat of slip and fall down to get hurt.

  32. Ani | 5:59 pm |

    “I refuse to lead a square!” said the dodecahedron.

  33. Anon | 7:26 pm |

    Santa? Do you have a new job?

  34. David Millet | 8:29 pm |

    You can lead a square to water, but you can’t make it shave…

  35. ngyonghan | 4:18 am |

    “Whoa, I need to grow a beard to swim in that pool?” 😀

  36. iLock | 4:49 am |

    You could of said the ‘don’t enter water’ bit at the beginning…

  37. iLock | 4:53 am |

    So I follow ‘hand ladder watering’ to prevent slip and THEN fall down on purpose to get hurt?

    And if the hand ladder is watering… doesn’t that increase my chances of slipping?

  38. iLock | 4:54 am |

    Hmmm, the raw recruit is not going to be happy about this…

  39. iLock | 4:58 am |

    Hand ladder watering, swimming beards,
    child’s beards, an unwalled body…

    This is some crazy imagery.
    I don’t know what to type of scene to imagine!

    It’s making the motion of me unsteady :s

  40. iLock | 5:03 am |

    Navy Captain: “The swimming beard knows too much!
    Raw recruits, chase him!”

    Raw Recruits: “But we can not get into deepwater area… :(

  41. Lollerskate | 10:10 am |

    The toilet beard is just a charlatan!

  42. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:19 pm |

    Please carefully slip and fall down to get hurt. Especially if the body is unwell and the motion unsteady.

  43. Powerful Entity | 2:25 am |

    Everybody knows that the beard is the word.

  44. coffeebot | 3:26 pm |

    Swimming Beard Haiku:

    motion unsteady
    deepwater raw recruit square
    fall down to get hurt

  45. K Chang | 6:17 pm |

    Ah, the joy of Chinese homonyms. Shu-Zhi, or “must know” somehow got translated as “beard knows” because “Shu” (must) is a homonym for “hu-shu” or beard/mustache/facial hair.

  46. Tekleader | 9:16 am |

    Why? Why??? Why did I accept the job of pool cleaner at this pool?????

  47. catlurver | 10:14 pm |

    …5, The child beard must stay with their appointed wise beard at all times

  48. HardRockMark | 9:17 am |

    I cant tell you how many raw recruits we’ve lost in that deep water area.

  49. Gerson | 2:18 am |

    Japanese kids do not have santa, but the swimming beard comes close.

  50. Nukuro | 8:10 am |

    Davy Jones in China

  51. Robert Engelhardt | 9:31 pm |

    Now I know where the kid in the CapitolOne credit card commercials goes swimming.

  52. sparky | 5:46 pm |

    Rule 5: Try to figure this out!

  53. kyotzeta | 6:58 pm |

    Hey, all you raw recruits! Over here! You’re all enlisted in the armies of the night! Don’t forget to throw away your two-bit suits first!

  54. Doctor Q | 8:25 am |

    ZZ Top’s pool.

  55. Myself | 9:53 pm |

    @iLock: It sounds like a Dali scene, which makes some sense because this Engrish was discovered in Dali, China.

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