I have a good feeling about this life jacket

posted on 27 Sep 2012 in Chinglish

Photo courtesy of Andrew Taylor.
 Vibrating condom package found in China.

56 captions

  1. Mick | 4:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    Wow, that’s one sexy Life Jacket you’re wearing!

  2. Jonnytbone | 4:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ll take 10.

  3. Mick | 4:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’d hate to have this around my neck.

  4. Droll not Troll | 4:08 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    After reading this, my sensa is severely unprecedentedented.

  5. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hmm, life jacket, wrap AND vibrator… Haven’t tried that yet.

  6. Droll not Troll | 4:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It takes out the product in the packing box, or else it gets hosed again.

  7. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:15 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    Note to intimate bird: I’m directexcited G, but it crisply crisply itches too much!

  8. JohnZ | 4:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    That intimate bird looks a bit nervous and obsessed with vibration. Probably Woody Woodpecker.

  9. Algernon | 4:21 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Be sex be vibrator be common or voluntary

  10. SF | 4:22 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    The DIY use doesn’t require any vibrating life-jacket.

  11. faulty wiring | 4:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    Dear Goodbinjiayi Hotel Thing Ltd,

    I hereby return my purchase to you and respectfully request a full refund of it’s cost. Despite applying the link wrap to my genital root and angling it as directed, my attempts to make intimate acquaintance with a bird failed instantly and my sex life remains distinctly deficient in fervour. The only unprecedented sensations after 90 minutes of crisply crisply itch were the intense pain of deep tissue damage and sting of gravel rash. Despite this I remain optimistic about the DIY potential of your expanded range of abrasive, high voltage rubber items.

    Yours etc…

  12. Marum | 4:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush.

  13. jjhitt | 4:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    One can never have enough crispness.

  14. mickeygreeneyes | 4:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    What the f—-? You can’t make this stuff up.

  15. pijo | 4:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Mm, how do you use it DIY style?

  16. Marum | 4:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Look. Im a male. How or where am I supposed to use this thing?

  17. jjhitt | 4:29 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    One in the bush is worth two in the intimate bird.

  18. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:33 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I’ll just stick to my own stick, thank you so much.

  19. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:48 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Vibrator and life jacket must be OK, but I don’t understand all this unprecedentedentedunpleasant confusion with wraps.

  20. PeeBee | 4:51 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    This is the original model. The other one is extra crisply.

  21. Marum | 5:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Does the vibrating life-jacket ensure that you have an orgasm as you drown?

  22. Seventy2rd o clock | 5:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    @ Marum: Unfortunately it doesn’t. Because if you intend to use it as a life jacket, you’ll soon realize it’s several sizes too small.

  23. Pectolatra | 5:18 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    It vibrates for 45 – 90 minutes?!? 😯
    I want testimonies of this unprecedentedpleasant sensation!!!

  24. Chuck | 5:25 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Coming up next on HGTV, the previously banned episode of “Disaster DIY”.

  25. KellogGold | 5:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Crisply crisply itches? This condom may be less than 99.4% effective.

  26. coffeebot | 5:44 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Not intended as a floatation device

  27. Droll not Troll | 5:46 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    If your intimate bird gets a directexcited G from this, you’re doing it right.

  28. A Non-Y Mouse | 5:50 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hmmm… I have to see if I can get that DIY channel added to my cable package.

  29. BFS | 5:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Ah forget it, I’ll just use my hand instead.

  30. TheUnknown | 6:07 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Doesn’t China have a law to prevent this much engrish?

  31. Seventy2rd o clock | 6:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Perfectly simple: if it’s a hotel thing, it must be confused.

  32. Sparky | 6:24 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Man overboard!

  33. Frank Burns | 6:42 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    This is way to complicated. I’m going to go join a monastery.

  34. Tommy | 8:42 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    That Titanic movie needed more of these and less of those.

  35. Droll not Troll | 8:51 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Do not get the vibration salient point backward or you may never walk again!

  36. Biff the Understudy | 9:30 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Did we mention crisply?

  37. Seventy2rd o clock | 10:08 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Existence of God is explained in a very similar way.

  38. Steven | 10:27 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I like DIY projects. so they sell this at Home Depot? =P

  39. jjhitt | 10:29 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Voluntarily the DIY use” — you’re never too old to learn yet another euphemism for masturbation.

  40. jjhitt | 10:31 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Is that a salient point forward in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

  41. jjhitt | 10:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Hotel Thing Limited Company — “We’ll leave the vibrator on for you.”

  42. Biff the Understudy | 10:46 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    @jjhitt: “We’ll leave the vibrator on for you.”

    I so want to hear Tom Bodette saying that!

  43. Biff the Understudy | 10:48 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Bodette Bodett. Sorry Tom.

  44. GwydionM | 11:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Intimate Birds, an Adult version of Angry Birds

  45. Lora | 1:11 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Whoever wrote this must have been using the vibrator.

  46. jjhitt | 1:30 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Fifty Shades Of Life Jacket

  47. DragonLady | 2:14 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Good, good, good, good vibrations!

  48. Marum | 2:38 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I will never order in French again.

  49. combat_rock | 7:19 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    “Enter to the male genitals root”? Sounds painful.

  50. Kirsty | 1:08 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 1  

    Ummm… shouldn’t this be in adult Engrish?

  51. Peter Chan | 7:41 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Sorry, I is totally at sea. Me still doesn’t understand a thing here.

  52. Amanda | 11:17 am |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    All the crispy, crispy bird sex, reproduction going on here!

  53. iLock | 6:26 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    We ‘may’ use it voluntarily..!?
    Are they encouraging rape?!

  54. iLock | 6:27 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    I guess we wouldn’t understand.
    It’s a goodbinjiayihotel thing limited company

  55. Abbey R | 11:36 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Next Time, Think twice about getting on that Boat.

  56. Myself | 10:01 pm |  Vote: Add rating 0  Subtract rating 0  

    Wait a minute…male genitals have roots? I didn’t know that!

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