Hainan Hotel Rules

posted on 26 Jun 2013 in Chinglish, Instructions

Just a little reminder…

Photo courtesy of Sisse Juul Bjerg.
Found at hotel in Hainan, China. 

53 captions

  1. algernon | 4:06 am |

    So let me get this straight I can’t get drunk but debauchery and calligraphy is OK

  2. jjhitt | 4:10 am |

    Release the stereo!

  3. DrLex | 4:10 am |

    Please report any passengers that seem relaxed to the authorities.

  4. WorrierPrincess | 4:11 am |

    Who released the tall and big stereo? It takes us forever to catch that thing.

  5. Big Fat Cat | 4:13 am |

    I like to be massage by the same sex. Is that okay?

  6. jjhitt | 4:14 am |

    We had a few problems with radioactive hookers camping out in the guest rooms.

  7. jjhitt | 4:15 am |

    Get your hands off my security organ!

  8. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:18 am |

    But I AM the opposite sex!

  9. jjhitt | 4:19 am |

    Honest officer, I had no idea she was a constellation. She told me she was a nebula. (The more I try to explain, the Messier it gets.)

  10. DrLex | 4:19 am |

    If you see any fight going on, by all means do not disturb it. And please do not write about it in calligraphic script!

  11. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:20 am |

    Tall and big stereo? I know the guy, he always disturbs fighting!

  12. DrLex | 4:28 am |

    Positively no propagation. Maxwell’s laws do not apply inside this hotel.

  13. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:30 am |

    Can I pizza?

  14. DrLex | 4:38 am |

    Sir, drop the calligraphy brush on the floor and put your hands on your head, or we will open fire.

  15. Ageless | 4:39 am |

    Hand over your money, firearms, bible, any radioactive materials, your other sex, and images of the gods. Or else you’re conceited to lose.

  16. jjhitt | 4:50 am |

    Except for the fist fight and the radioactivity this sounds like a real fun evening.

  17. Frank Burns | 5:09 am |

    You’ll get my security organ when you pry it from my cold dead hands. You dam dirty apes.

  18. Frank Burns | 5:13 am |

    Hey there constellation, What are you doing tonight? So whats your sign?

  19. Doctordoolittle | 5:36 am |

    Security organ? Oh, you mean Dick Tracy.

  20. A Non-Y Mouse | 5:42 am |

    Nobody likes a starf—er.

  21. Marum | 6:32 am |

    GOD! All the things I like doing are banned.
    Especially seducing the constellation. I really enjoy kinky sex with aliens.

  22. Marum | 6:34 am |

    The stove of the kerosene. Hahahahahahahahha.

  23. Marum | 6:36 am |

    ♫O’ have you ever been, on the kerosene,
    when the metho’s running low?♪

  24. Frank Burns | 7:14 am |

    I think we’ll spend our vacation in Amish country instead.

  25. Sparky | 8:02 am |

    But we’ll leave the light on for you!

  26. James | 8:19 am |

    Massage by opposite sex is forbidden. If you want a massage, please go to room 108:


  27. Lora | 8:21 am |

    Frank Burns: I must be Amish because I can’t imagine being kept awake by all that insanity at 3 AM when I’m trying to actually sleep. Because I have to be up at 4 AM to milk the cows, ha ha.

  28. Sarah846 | 9:22 am |

    If it is “conceited to lose” I wonder what the attitude of a winner is?

  29. Seventy2rd o clock | 9:25 am |

    Rules # 1, 2, 3 and from 9 on are simply forbidden.

  30. Mark | 9:55 am |

    small, squat stereos are ok though. so don’t forget your Bose

  31. Dervrak | 11:02 am |

    I’m glad gay “old fashion’s” are still allowed….

  32. WildaBeast | 12:39 pm |

    I may not be able to define it, but I know calligraphy when I see it!

  33. Erin | 1:14 pm |

    Hand over the public security organ? Never!

  34. Auntie | 1:43 pm |

    You can come over and seduce my constellation anytime!

  35. WorrierPrincess | 2:41 pm |

    @Frank Burns: I think the constellation’s a Virgo.

  36. Mr. Wrong | 4:02 pm |

    That calligraphy is the worst.

  37. Marum | 4:05 pm |

    Any time I lose, I’m more pissed off than conceited.

  38. Droll not Troll | 10:02 pm |

    I’ve been a passenger on this hotel for days. When does it reach the first station so I can get off?

  39. Droll not Troll | 10:06 pm |

    If you propagate obscene, does it turn into a large bush?

  40. Droll not Troll | 10:20 pm |

    All knives and swords must be handed to the public security piano.

  41. Droll not Troll | 10:24 pm |

    Warning: Rape and seduction of constellations may cause Cancer.

  42. Mr. Wrong | 10:24 pm |

    There’s a ring of calligraphers in my neighbourhood. They’d be doing the perp walk in Hainan. We could learn a lot from our Hainanese friends.

  43. Jewels | 12:27 am |

    Welcome to the Hotel Hainan. You can always check in but you can never rest.

  44. GwydionM | 9:44 am |

    Honestly, Officer, Miss Andromeda approached me. And then Perseus turned up and upset the public order.

  45. GwydionM | 9:46 am |

    PS. If anyone is found stoned, take it up with Perseus.

  46. EffEff | 10:58 pm |

    @Droll Not Troll: Must be all the cosmic radiation in Orion’s Belt.

  47. Myself | 10:34 pm |

    Sounds like the rules for the parliament of the universe from Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” books. Will Dream, Desire, Delight, Despair, Death, and Killalla of the Glow show up?

  48. Myself | 10:36 pm |

    Some folks are fighting in the hotel and I want to influence them to have a rest instead, but that’s against two clauses of rule 7.

  49. Myself | 10:38 pm |

    So you’re forbidden to fist-fight (rule #6) but if a fight does start, you’re forbidden to disturb it (rule #7). Sure. Sounds legit.

  50. Myself | 10:42 pm |

    My girlfriend had to be turned over to the security organ: she’s hypertoxic, loves painting superstition, was carrying cooking utensils including the stove, released a tall and big stereo, and is of the opposite sex. To add insult to injury, she was trying to break up fights and influencing people to rest! I hope they treat her okay. I’ve heard nasty rumors about the security organ’s calligraphy.

  51. Myself | 10:44 pm |

    After I showed up with a big jug of plutonium, they brought me a bunch of people hotels. I suppose that should serve as a lesson for me.

  52. Myself | 8:09 pm |

    The public order is always gamed against you.

  53. Myself | 8:48 pm |

    Don’t release the tall and big stereo. It’s locked up for a reason.

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