Deyorm and all hell breaks loose!

posted on 14 Jan 2016 in Chinglish

operation-instruction

Photo courtesy of Kassie Cigliana.
Package found in Spain, made in China.

36 captions

  1. Huu Yuu | 4:02 am |

    And please do not get drunk before writing instructions.

  2. Huu Yuu | 4:04 am |

    wow look at the bottom: “avoid the consumer — cheat” Some behavior, and I think these instructions are conterfeit to my plant trademark.

  3. Huu Yuu | 4:07 am |

    Hardened gooes .. like dried out caramel. And I don’t even want to know what a deyorm ayion is.

  4. Huu Yuu | 4:13 am |

    tearing off its pzztage. I think that sounds painful.

  5. algernon | 4:16 am |

    For use on nylo

  6. algernon | 4:17 am |

    Could be a a dyke than a gooes

  7. Droll not Troll | 4:55 am |

    Deyorm you, auto correct!

  8. Droll not Troll | 4:58 am |

    Near period, keep this sharp object away from the woman.

  9. jjhitt | 5:02 am |

    Tts harden with oil. And a little rubbing.

  10. jjhitt | 5:09 am |

    These aren’t ‘instructions’, they’re warnings. I’m no more knowledgeable on how to tear frutt pzztage than before I read it.

  11. Filboid | 5:26 am |

    So after Iam tearing off its pzztage it’s ok to toagh the sharp?

  12. Droll not Troll | 5:33 am |

    Beyore can’t use it but maybe Binnie-the-pooh can.

  13. sirpaulfan | 5:40 am |

    Wow, I was gonna ask Hillary for help with my daily liye, but this looks like it will be cheaper!

  14. Droll not Troll | 5:44 am |

    The special steel contains no Staln or any other dead Russian leaders.

  15. DrLex | 5:54 am |

    This is severely deyormed English.

  16. Frank Burns | 6:20 am |

    Bese Was happy to have a helper, even though they were a bad speller.

  17. Marum | 6:30 am |

    Perfectly clear, Chang, old chap.

  18. Marum | 6:35 am |

    BUT!!! Won’t it scream when I tear off its pizzle?

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pizzle

  19. Big Fat Cat | 7:00 am |

    Avoid the consumer cheat? Must be Ashley Madison.

  20. Marum | 7:18 am |

    That is coincidental. I also harden immensely, with an application of oil.

  21. Ageless | 7:32 am |

    You lost me after “The Melon”.

  22. coffeebot | 7:40 am |

    Well hello, welcome to my drunk kitchen

  23. Marum | 8:08 am |

    If you steal this product, it will not leave a stain on your escutcheon.

  24. Marum | 8:11 am |

    @Ageless. Melons tend to do that, for most men. For me, it is great legs and bum. It sends my imagination into overtime.

  25. pasdrole | 8:11 am |

    It hurts so good.

  26. Seventy2rd o clock | 10:04 am |

    The pealer automatically becomes portable when hardened

  27. Seventy2rd o clock | 10:05 am |

    A pealer with sex appeal?

  28. Droll not Troll | 4:24 pm |

    Even the photo doesn’t make sense. There are easier ways to peel tomatoes, and who peels carrots anyway??

  29. Seventy2rd o clock | 2:04 am |

    Is this an eye and lip remover with a circumcision function?

  30. Long Tom | 7:57 am |

    The instruction writer must have been thinking of the Clintons-sex and lots of lies.

  31. Kioku | 1:50 pm |

    But what do I use to tear the pzztage off my injury?

  32. Kioku | 1:53 pm |

    @droll not troll – peelinv carrots is common, infact most people peel off the outer skin. Ive never heard of peeling tomatoes though… But i dont cook much.

  33. Peter | 12:30 pm |

    Just yuck oyy !

  34. iLock | 6:36 pm |

    Looks like the bottom half of that packet could be a whole new Engrish post.

  35. Myself | 9:27 pm |

    The deyorm ayion is a negatively charged molecule made of three atoms of hydrogen and one of deyormite. It is most often caused by violent chemical reactions between pzztages (Pz2CH3) and gooes (Go3OH), most commonly found together in crappy English translations. Deyorm ayions are free radicals, since they do not have a full octet, and therefore are extremely dangerous. Remember the famous Nazi scientist Fritz Stoppensiedentonband? To this day, the German government doesn’t want you to. He was killed when, in an attempt to create a nuclear bomb, he instead released several deyorm ayions, which rapidly transformed his body and his entire lab into a cloud of oganesson.

  36. Myself | 3:20 pm |

    OK, the science in my above caption was a little screwed up: a compound can’t be a free radical, an element wouldn’t have the suffix “-ite” (it would have to be “deyormium” instead), and based on its composition the deyorm ayion would probably, if it existed, actually be called “deyormic acid”.
    I know nobody cares, I’m just getting that off my chest there…

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