Office edition

posted on 23 Sep 2016 in Chinglish, Menus

desktop-seal-meat

Fresh clubbed…

Photo courtesy of Mindrew.
Menu from Taiwanese restaurant in Shanghai, China.

45 captions

  1. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:01 am |  Vote: Add rating 9  Subtract rating 0  

    I prefer desktop mouse meat

  2. algernon | 4:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    Comes with a big screen

  3. DrLex | 4:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    I guess it’s better than desktop mouse meat.

  4. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    – Got any public coffin meat?

  5. algernon | 4:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 11  Subtract rating 0  

    Complete with a Windows upgrade

  6. DrLex | 4:05 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    So that’s why there is a Greenpeace activist chained to my keyboard…

  7. DrLex | 4:11 am |  Vote: Add rating 11  Subtract rating 0  

    Desktop Seals are a special division of Navy Seals. They are deployed when someone has been installing too many browser toolbars.

  8. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Fight against desktops!

  9. Frank Burns | 4:13 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    “Private Tea Meat! Drop and give me twenty!”

  10. Frank Burns | 4:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    “Stop blubbering and eat your seal meat, or you won’t get any dessert.”

  11. Yu No Hoo | 4:14 am |  Vote: Add rating 13  Subtract rating 0  

    Clubbing seals isn’t exactly PC.

  12. Yu No Hoo | 4:18 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Great with chips.

  13. Yu No Hoo | 4:23 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Tastes like an old boot.

  14. Yu No Hoo | 4:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 6  Subtract rating 0  

    Raspberry pi for dessert.

  15. Seventy2rd o clock | 4:29 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    – Waiter! There’s Vista on my desktop!

  16. Big Fat Cat | 4:32 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    I gave it a rating of Windows 10 out of 10

  17. Big Fat Cat | 4:34 am |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    The private tea meat is hacked.

  18. Droll not Troll | 4:36 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    I can think of plenty of screen savers I’d rather use.

  19. Droll not Troll | 4:38 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    The private tea meat leaves a lot to be desired.

  20. Droll not Troll | 4:47 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Waiter! My desktop seal meat has a virus!

  21. iLock | 4:57 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Private Tea Meat, for when you want to do some teabagging with your meat privates at the restaurant.

    Desktop Seal Meat, for when you want to order online, with a side dish
    of risqué Skype call with waitress.

  22. Droll not Troll | 5:02 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    Eat desktop seal meat today, download brownware tomorrow.

  23. Droll not Troll | 5:04 am |  Vote: Add rating 5  Subtract rating 0  

    I guess they catch the seals in the internets.

  24. Seventy2rd o clock | 5:09 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    – Mommy, my Miss Steak fell through the Windows!

  25. Yu No Hoo | 5:12 am |  Vote: Add rating 12  Subtract rating 0  

    @ Droll 5:04

    I get mine from an ISP — Internet Seal Provider.
    Comes in packets.

  26. Yu No Hoo | 5:23 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    What do you mean I can only use HP Sauce?

  27. jjhitt | 5:55 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Tea Meat: it’s not for everyone.

  28. jjhitt | 5:59 am |  Vote: Add rating 5  Subtract rating 0  

    Try the Dust Bunny with keyboard crumbs.

  29. Yu No Hoo | 7:19 am |  Vote: Add rating 2  Subtract rating 0  

    Good evening, my name is Clint and I’ll be your server.

  30. Classic Steve | 7:39 am |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    We weren’t going to kill it, but it kept interfering with our computer work….

  31. Marum | 7:53 am |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    Waiter: How much do you want sir?

    Diner: Arf Arf!

  32. Marum | 8:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 8  Subtract rating 0  

    ORCA; I approve of this menu.

  33. Pete | 8:45 am |  Vote: Add rating 11  Subtract rating 0  

    They used Google Translate to get Seal Meat!!!

    Actually the first 2 characters indicate it’s Taiwanese style.
    I had to look up the characters and do some web searching.

    My translation: Taiwan-style braised pork belly.

    I would feel terrible eating a baby seal, like I would if I ate whale.
    (That said, I’m not much of an enviro-greenie.)

    But like Emeril Lagasse says “PIG FAT RULES, BABY!”

  34. Pete | 9:01 am |  Vote: Add rating 3  Subtract rating 0  

    There’s a seal on my monitor!
    (And a penguin on the telly.)

  35. Pete | 9:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    I Am The Walrus.
    Guess that means I can relax now.

    Goo goo gajoob.

  36. DrLex | 9:16 am |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    @Pete: the last two characters do mean ‘seal’ and ‘meat’. However, ‘seal’ here is not the animal, but the verb. From what I can find, the name comes from the fact that the cooking pot remains sealed from the start of the cooking, up until when it is opened on the dining table.

  37. Marum | 10:03 am |  Vote: Add rating 9  Subtract rating 0  

    @Pete. A week ago.

    If you look back at the Engrish on how to use a Japanese Squat Toilet, (bout a week ago) you will find a posting on mixed bathing at “Onsens” by @Paul.

    Also I posted again about the Philippines’ thermal areas we used to visit. That took some research, and not a few phone calls, for it was fifty years ago. You may find it slightly amusing, to read of my way of disposing of our Amah. I always had this handy engineering brain, and could logically plan ahead – successfully too. :smile:

  38. Marum | 10:06 am |  Vote: Add rating 10  Subtract rating 0  

    My wife is a mad cow. That worries me more than seal meat.

  39. Marum | 10:26 am |  Vote: Add rating 8  Subtract rating 0  

    If it starts fossicking around in your pockets looking for fish.

    THAT IS A WORRY.

  40. Pete | 12:00 pm |  Vote: Add rating 7  Subtract rating 0  

    @Dr. Lex 916:

    Yes sir, it does mean “to seal” rather than “a seal (animal)”.
    It took a bit of ‘net searching to find a recipe for the item using the characters.

    I figured in advance that it was an idiomatic usage.

    Once I found a recipe, I knew I had it. (and that it had piggy, not baby seal.)

  41. Pete | 12:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 4  Subtract rating 0  

    @Marum 1003 and 1026:

    Well, mate, you’ve managed to point out to me once again that the English speaking nations of North America and Oceania are separated by a common language.

    I’d never heard the term “fossicking” before but I certainly won’t forget it now! My equivalent would be “pokin’ around in yer pocket”.

    As for onsens, the only possible thought I can muster on a late Friday afternoon is: “Crikey I wish we had Onsens here in the States like they do in Japan!”

    Or as Homer Simpson says: “Mmmmmmmm….Onnnnsennnnnn….”
    One of my fave pastimes whenever I’m in Japan.

  42. Rt | 7:34 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Ugh.
    It’s so annoying how often they push their updates on me. Right after I’ve consumed desktop seal meat 8.1, I get a popup saying desktop seal meat 10 is available; would you like to consume and install? I’M FULL DAMNIT!!

  43. Long Tom | 8:10 pm |  Vote: Add rating 5  Subtract rating 0  

    Actually, baby harp seals are clubbed not for food, but for their pelts, because they are nice and white. Trouble is, I thought there was little demand for fur pelts nowadays.

  44. Marum | 7:43 am |  Vote: Add rating 9  Subtract rating 0  

    @Long Tom. What do thy need belts for? To carry their Flipper-grenades?

  45. Peter | 2:05 pm |  Vote: Add rating 1  Subtract rating 0  

    Laptop whale meat, perhaps?

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