I’ll take weapon rotten furniture for $400 please, Alex.

posted on 19 Sep 2017 in Chinglish, Instructions

dear-guest

Photo courtesy of Dan M.
Found in China.

30 captions

  1. Yu No Hoo | 4:07 am |

    If you burn 2 holes in the mattress, save money by burning them together into one big hole.

  2. Yu No Hoo | 4:14 am |

    A lentimeter measures how long you borrow something for.

  3. algernon | 4:15 am |

    Seamen need not stay

  4. algernon | 4:15 am |

    This place stinks

  5. Droll not Troll | 4:20 am |

    Good deal! Where else can you get hole for that price?

  6. Droll not Troll | 4:25 am |

    Does rotten carpet qualify as a biological weapon?

  7. Droll not Troll | 4:33 am |

    I get the feeling the management is overcompensating for something.

  8. Yu No Hoo | 4:40 am |

    I love treasure even more than uselessplasticbags.

  9. Seventy2rd o clock | 5:45 am |

    – Reception? How much costs a non-hole of water?

  10. Seventy2rd o clock | 5:49 am |

    – Two nights in Room 237, plus axe rotten carpet and RGB vomit, please.

  11. Droll not Troll | 6:01 am |

    @Yu No Hoo | 4:14 am: The square lentimeter is used for borrowed chess boards.

  12. Droll not Troll | 6:06 am |

    You couldn’t afford the compensation for damaging the English language!

  13. Long Tom | 6:48 am |

    This hotel will make a mint if any rock bands stay in the facility! If rock bands trash hotel rooms anymore.

  14. Classic Steve | 7:00 am |

    I’m lonfused about the cetter exchanges.

  15. Johnny Cache | 7:01 am |

    Arr! Of course we love treasure, matey! (This IS “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, after all…

  16. Droll not Troll | 7:07 am |

    “…other colored liquid..”. Let’s not mention the blood, it may give the place a bad name.

  17. Marum | 7:12 am |

    Dear Hotel Manager.

    My lady would like compensation for the carpet burns she suffered from your rotten carpet, during our all night love making session.

    She has not only sustained damage to her knees, and both cheeks of her bum, but inexplicably, the back of her neck.

    We expect a compensation of 100RMB for each lentimetre of damage.

    Your guest,

  18. Marum | 8:14 am |

    In addition Sir,
    the free standing rack collapsed while se were making love on it. I tore the bed-head off in a fit of ecstasy while my lady was having oral sex with me, thus breaking both bed-lamps and the magazine rack. The refrigerator fell over whilst we were performing doggy-style on it, as it fell the door opened causing most of the shelves to get bent, and its door became twisted and will no longer shut. Also the bathroom basin broke while my lady was sitting on it, while I was having oral sex with her. Not to mention the curtains and curtain rails which collapsed. during various sexual acts.

    Honestly Sir, we are appalled that a hotel room termed “The Honeymoon Suite” was not made out of more resilient materials. We consider the flimsy MATERIALS USED TO BE SUBSTANTUIALLY SUBSTANDARD. Such activities would no doubt be considered standard for a HONETMOON SUITE. One would expect the room to be constructed from materials fit for purpose.

    Your very annoyed guest.

  19. Big Fat Cat | 8:25 am |

    Lentils are measured in lentimeters, and pxnxs are measured in penimeters.

  20. Marum | 9:02 am |

    PS. Sir. We would have rung housekeeping, but we making love on the bench. There was plenty of room, as I had reflexively kicked the TV off the bench during on of my orgasms. It then flew across the room, through the wardrobe door, to implode in the wardrobe. Anyway, whilst making love on the bench, on about her tenth orgasm, my lady screamed at the top of her voice, tore the phone assembly off the wall, and threw it into the ceiling mirror. The mirror smashed, filling half the bedroom with broken shards of mirror-glass. The phone fared only slightly better.

    Your guest.

  21. Seventy2rd o clock | 9:14 am |

    It puts the colored liquid on its skin or else it gets the hole again

  22. Marum | 9:27 am |

    PPS. Dear manager. Your dysfunctional Honeymoon Suite caused us to curtail our lovemaking at that point, as there was no part of the suite left suitably for the purpose,. We did try the shower cubicle, but after all the shower-screens fell off, we abandoned that area too. We salvaged a blanket and some pillows. After shaking all the mirror-glass off them, we slept in the bath. The bath being the only intact device left, in the whole suite.

    Your guest.

  23. jjhitt | 10:24 am |

    Please love treasure. — On International Talk Like A Pirate Day?
    Arrr, I do mate, I do.

  24. jjhitt | 10:28 am |

    Charge for each hole? Is this a golf course or a whorehouse?

  25. Tom41 | 3:57 pm |

    Each room contains chemical pollution from all the rotten weapons…

  26. DrLex | 7:23 am |

    So, I need to pay 50RMB for each bullet hole I make in the rotten carpet or rotten furniture?

  27. iLock | 6:37 pm |

    @jjhitt: It’s a HOtel

  28. Marum | 3:50 am |

    All. It’s – an hotel.

    Regards……Your Grammar Nazi.

  29. Marum | 4:00 am |

    @Tom41 1557. Especially Plutonium filled anti-tank shells.

  30. Peter Chan | 10:50 am |

    Compensation for bad Engrish . . . $ 1,000,000,000,000 per lentimeter

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