I’m parched…

posted on 6 Jan 2019 in Menus

What’s for desert?

Photo courtesy of Kenji Crosland.
Found in Japan. 

20 captions

  1. Algernon | 4:03 am |

    Something dry and gritty then

  2. Algernon | 4:05 am |

    Hot sand for a sausage

  3. Droll not Troll | 6:02 am |

    Oh, so that’s why they insist that customers wear shoes!

  4. Droll not Troll | 6:05 am |

    OK, I’ll bite; what do you get when you cross a banana with a latte?

  5. Yu No Hoo | 6:16 am |

    The yogurt comes with a slice of pi.

  6. James | 6:58 am |

    Anakin Skywalker disapproves of this menu.

  7. Marum | 1:28 pm |

    When you are defending your castle, hot sand is as effective as boiling oil.

    Pius, there is no mess to clean up later.

  8. Marum | 1:37 pm |

    @DnT 0605.
    If you will forgife my plebian Latin.

    Perhaps: Musa Sapientium Macchiato.

  9. Classic Steve | 1:40 pm |

    Yogurts are just one yen apiece?

  10. Marum | 1:41 pm |

    Actually: Musa Sapientium Bananadine Macchiato..

    Musa Sapientium Bananadine. (Terrorists Cookbook) = Another variation on Mellow-yellow.

  11. Marum | 1:43 pm |

    @Classic Steve 1340. Yoghurt is a liquid, therefore it does not come in pieces, anymore than elephants come in buckets.

  12. Marum | 1:58 pm |


    NOTE: One should not butcher science, to make it acceptable to the mentally impaired. THUS:

    People of my generation remember the mellow yellow drug hype of 1967. It was the big thing in the Summer Of Love in San Francisco.

    Many reports exist that a natural high could be made from banana peels or the fibers inside the banana. “Mellow Yellow” was a song by Donovan that was suggested to hint about this mysterious banana drug, and thus soon became a synonym for banana joints. But many other people later complained that the drug didn’t work, and even the FDA officially proclaimed in May of 1967 that their laboratory found no known psychoactive substances in cigs rolled from banana peels. But as you can imagine, this was only half of the truth. During holidays on Ibiza I had a long discussion with a former employee (let’s call him Bob) of the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), who had access to all those secret files about bananadine those the US government wished not to exist. I had to swear not to reveal his real names nor names of any persons involved into this affair. Also regard that I am no chemist but only wrote down later from my notes what Bob had told me, thus my explanations may be inaccurate although I do my best.

    The discovery of bananadine happened just at a time when marijuana was decided to be made illegal, but because nobody in the USA really wanted to outlaw also bananas, and test sales without peels turned out to be impracticable, the Bureau of Drug Abuse Control (part of FDA) decided to apply a different strategy by keeping undesired test results secret and starting a huge misinformation campaign, which particularly was based on spreading false bananadine recipes everywhere those were designed to be as ineffective and awkward as possible to prevent novice freaks from successfully making this inexpensive new hippie drug. The BDAC hoped that hearsay of the many disappointed wannabe users would soon discourage and deter the rest from trying this drug. The campaign turned out to be surprisingly effective.

    The most widespread one of these fake recipes was even printed in newspapers (e.g. camouflaged as a “parental advisory”, telling what new “bad stuff” the modern youth was making), from where it found its way into the underground scripture “The Anarchists Cookbook” by William Powell and from there finally in many mutating variants onto the internet.

    The counterfeit recipes were something like this:

    1.) Buy a fair amount of bananas, about 15 lb or whatever. Eat them all (not at once) and keep the peels.

    2.) Scrape the white mush off of the inside of all the peels and keep it for later. Make sure you are scraping it so that it comes out gooey and not in thick shavings.

    3.) Put all this mush into a pot and cover with water. Boil off the water, it will take 3-4 hours. Mix it a lot to make sure its pasty. When all the water is gone put the boiled stuff on to cooking paper and spread. It should be a reddy brownish color.

    4.) Put it into the grill and leave it on highest heat until it “burns”. It will go black and hard leaning towards crusty. When this is done, take it out and then here is the hard part.

    5.) Scrape vigorously to make sure not to lose any of this. Put it in a bag or somewhere and crumble it up until it’s powdery. It’s now finished!

    6.) And finally, throw it in a joint (3 skinner preferably) with tobacco. The ratio of bananadine to tobacco should be about 1:3. Smoke it and get high.

    Especially point 4.) was added by the Bureau of Drug Abuse Control (BDAC) solely to ensure that any effective psychoactive substances will be destroyed by heat before anybody gets a chance to consume them. No known mind altering drug would survive to be “burnt” until it turns “black”. In reality bananadine is a very heat sensitive protein compound that certainly would not even survive to be boiled like instructed in point 3.). Plenty of similar recipes have turned up on the internet those (as you can imagine) can not work since they are all based on a recipe by the BDAC that was especially designed not to function.

    Here is a corrected recipe to extract bananadine for banana joints:

    1.) Buy a fair amount of bananas, about 20 or whatever. Use organic ones, because others can make bad headache due to pesticides.

    2.) Put them into a fridge until their peelings turn brown. (Do NOT simply wait until they turn brown naturally. Else growing mold fungus can make very bad horror trips and make you vomit.) Peel the bananas and do with them whatever you want; keep the peels.

    3.) Scrape the white mush off of the inside of all the peels and keep it for later. Keep it away from strong light or UV to prevent decomposition.

    4.) Put the mush on a white blotting paper or Kleenex and freeze it in a freezer. Take it out and put it into a vacuum chamber for drying until all humidity has evaporated. You can use one of those electric vacuum storage boxes for this, those pump the air out to keep foods fresh. (Drying the mush simply with room air would also work, but it tends to decompose by oxidization and light, thus freeze-drying is much more effective due to the unstable nature of the substance.)

    5.) Put it in a bag or somewhere and crumble the dry mush up until its powdery. It’s now finished! Store it in a closed plastic bag inside a tea can in a cold place (best in a fridge); it is still heat and light sensitive.

    (Technically this powder itself is not “the bananadine” (unlike claimed elsewhere), but a substance mixture that only contains a small fraction of it. But it is the closest you can get to it without a degree in biochemistry and a costly laboratory. Like concentrated LSD, also the pure bananadine would be dangerous to handle because it is very strong and goes through skin. But extracting it in pure form would not be desirable for application anyway, because the isolated molecule rapidly decays by air contact, breaking up into triptophan and a couple of other ineffective simple substances I don’t remember. Natural protectants in the powder seem to prevent this, but it still has to be handled with care to avoid decomposition.)

    6.) Do with it whatever you want. You can roll it into a joint; hold it under an UV lamp or strong sunlight for 2 minutes (but not longer) to activate the bananadine before smoking the cigarette.

    But smoking this stuff it is not really effective, because it still destroys most of the bananadine protein in it due to its heat sensitivity, thus it would be only like a very weak marijuana joint (way less than the modern turbo weed) and smoke also furthers lung cancer. But there is another pharmaceutical form to get a much greater high out of bananas.

    Make the most of your banana peel:

    This is an easier and much more effective method to get high on bananadine, that (according to the secret files) was discovered in 1966 by a military psychiatrist of the USA, who worked on methods to cure soldiers war traumas and (like the famous Timothy Leary) made public drug tests on volunteers in the 1960th. His research was banned and the results kept confidential after the US government feared the corruption of society by the growing psychedelia counterculture. After that the recipe was still used by some of his test persons, but they had to sign an agreement (threatening with severe penalties) not to let it leak out into public. Thus it stayed insider knowledge of a few hippie communities and never reached the mass.

    The following recipe generates a really strong intoxication that according to the DEA files can cause hallucinations like LSD and might make you addicted or cause other damage. Thus everything you may try with this recipe you will do solely at your own risk. (But don’t worry too much; by my own experience I know that it makes just a groovy kind of new dope – not one of these aggressive making killer drugs like heroin, coke or crack.)

    1.) Buy some bananas (2 to 5 are enough for a trip). Use organic ones; others can make bad headache due to pesticides.

    2.) Put them into a fridge until their peelings turn brown. This makes the triptophan in the peels react in a complex way with enzymes, a kind of ketone and certain special sugar molecules in the fruit to synthesize the bananadine. (Do NOT simply wait until they turn brown naturally. Else growing mold funguses can destroy the substance, cause fungus diseases or make very bad horror trips and make you vomit.) Carefully peel the bananas and do with the fruits whatever you want. Keep the peels. Avoid to expose the peels to light once they have turned brown to prevent decomposition of the drug. Cut the tips and stem ends off and throw these parts away to avoid molding.

    3.) Store the peels in the fridge until they turn even browner to increase the bananadine contents and make them shrink. You can use a vacuum chamber (electric food storage vacuum box) inside the fridge to speed up shrinking, but do NOT dry them in it until they become brittle; the peelings should stay rather leathery. Urgently avoid longer light exposure when in vacuum to prevent loss of the effective substance. Store the peels frozen at at least -4?F in a dark container if you want to keep a larger stock.

    4.) To go on a trip, you don’t have to extract the bananadine in complicated ways. Just wrap 2 to 5 of the (unfrozen) peels around your forehead that the smooth side faces outside. (You may cut them to fit accordingly.) Firmly secure the rims to the skin with transparent broad adhesive film. This forms a construction that in the DEA files was called a “musa patch”. (To intensify, further patches may be placed on the nape of the neck.)

    5.) Lay now down in the sun next to a swimming pool and relax. (Be careful not to fall into it while high!) The combination of fresh sweat, UV light, heat and airborne pool chlorine vapors will react with the bananadine in the peelings and transform it into norbananadine, which is easily absorbed through the skin. It interacts inside your brain e.g. with serotonine- and gaba receptors and also changes properties of synaptic membranes – this is what makes you high! Norbananadine is an extremely volatile gaseous substance that can not be stored because it decomposes rapidly once it is produced. Important for the result is therefore to seal the rims of the peels tightly to the skin with adhesive film to prevent the collecting vapor from escaping. Holes in the peels must be urgently avoided. But do not cover the middle section of the peelings; else they can not react with air and swimming pool vapors to produce the norbananadine.

    The musa patches can be covered with a headband to hide them and turn down the norbananadine production when it overshoots by too strong sunlight. Secret laboratory tests of the BDAC turned out that the skin absorption rate of norbananadine is 7.2 times higher directly through the scalp, which was likely related to the larger pore size. Thus taping musa patches directly to the head is most effective; they can be covered with hats of varying UV translucency to control the intensity of the buzz. A bad side effect of this musa patch application on non-bald people is only that it messes up the hairstyle, which may have been one reason why in the 60th many freaks of Haight Ashbury were complained by establishment “to have so dirty hairs”.

  13. Marum | 2:09 pm |

    There: That should keep you all busy for a weekend or three.

    Plus: It has everything a good story needs.
    1. Conspiracy theory.
    2. Bs. science.
    3. Anti establishment propaganda.
    4. Sufficient complexity to fkuc the faint-hearted.

  14. Droll not Troll | 3:37 pm |

    Looks like there is enough yoghurt to go around.

  15. Marum | 5:38 pm |

    BTW. For they who have had the good fortune to avoid the joke:

    Q. What is grey and comes in buckets?

    A. An Elephant.

  16. iLock | 6:03 pm |

    I’m just gonna do a 360 and walk outta the store.

  17. Droll not Troll | 9:33 pm |

    @Marum | 5:38 pm: Also: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
    Swim for it!

  18. Droll not Troll | 9:40 pm |

    @Marum: Re mellow yellow: I’ll pass. Never tried a psychotropic drug that seemed to have a good ratio of beneficial to non-beneficial effects.
    My take-away from that story would be never to trust anyone in government.

  19. Peter Chan | 12:05 pm |

    360 yoghurts for 360 yen.
    That’s 1 yen (currently 0.00920974 US$) for each. What a bargain!

    Ok, I shall buy all your yoghurts but give me no sand please.

  20. Long Tom | 8:00 pm |

    This establishment sells both food and garden supplies.

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