Submitted 11/14/98
LSDIAMOND WRITES
I have a child's bank that, when you put a coin in it, it makes an "alien"
woo-woo sound for about 10 seconds. The top of the box states:
"GIVE ME COINS AND I WILL ENJOY YOU"
Submitted 11/13/98
KITHARA WRITES
Hi, I got this notebook with a slogan like yours.
Pastel Vivre Notebook
The smoothness of the paper guarantees satisfaction.
The best quality goods always make you happy.
This is the most comfortable notebook you have run into.
Made by Kyukuto Co.
Submitted 11/13/98
MICHAEL MATHEIS WRITES
I've traveled for business throughout Japan, Korea, Singapore and Taiwan.
Spent most of my time in Korea where the same type of Engrish is used.
My personal favorite:
Young man, walking the streets of Seoul, wearing a leather jacket,
embroidered on the back in 2" high letters "Harley Dabidson American Road
Machine".
I guess I was the only one in Seoul that noticed.
Submitted 11/8/98
GAVIN KEIR WRITES
Hi there,
Great page.
Here's a contribution. Seen in Hokkaido on the front
of a man's sweater:
I like to meet strange people from northern places.
Ha! I didn't see him wear the sweater anymore after I
translated it for him.
Submitted 11/4/98
ARTURO CAMILLACCI WRITES
When I browsed your web page, I wished to have kept that flyer advertising a
bus line departing from Shinagawa station in Tokyo. The paper said something
like "dairy service" (as opposed to "daily service"), so I thought about asking
one of the bus drivers whether cheese or milk would be served on board.
Submitted 10/23/98
JENNIFER MARTIN WRITES
A friend of mine was in Japan and she brought me back a phenomenon
called "Peter Corn"" - have you heard of it? It appears to be a
pre-cooked, perhaps pre-flavored, shrinkwrapped piece of corn. It's
hysterical! I think it would be a worthwhile addition to your
website. We wondered about the shelf-life but it's started to rot in
a beautiful array of pinks and browns. I have owned it for 10 months.
Those Japanese are unique in all the world.
Submitted 9/22/98
JEFF WILDGEN WRITES
I was given an "Eel pie" as omiage (a gift) from one of our staff and I just had
to see the box it came in. Under the lid of the gold box is inscribed:
"VSOP Eel Pies for a "midnight treat"....
Wrapped in the luxurious aroma of high class
brandy and the flavour of Macedonia, The King of Nuts-
-here is a top quality pie that reaches the height of
perfection in eel pies, a specialty from Lake Hamana
To join you in your dream-enriched world"
Hmmm...At least the copywriter must be living in a "dream-enriched
world".
Submitted 8/26/98
TED KEMPSTER WRITES
I collected Japlish while I lived in Japan from '90 to '92. My favorite is
a t-shirt that says:
(in larger letters) Pasedown
(then in smaller letters below that) Keep your period to yourself.
Submitted 8/22/98
LYNN MOYERS WRITES
I saw an Engrish label on a little kid's jumpsuit once. The name on the
large plastic tag was "Snot House". Quite appropriate for a little kid...
Submitted 8/9/98
CRAIG PUCKETT WRITES
I had to tell you of the absolute funniest bad English I've ever seen. It comes
from a Japanese commercial (God, I love those) advertising what looked like an
individual-serving pizza, called, of course---Funky Egg. The best part had to
be when a Japanese girl, wearing a white "Marilyn Monroe" type dress that was
blowing around, declared, "It's funky!" and then the picture cut to a shot of
two laughing girls holding a giant vibrating egg. The announcer: "Funky Egg! It's
the best!"
I'm sure it is.
Submitted 7/29/98
DRURY BRENNAN WRITES
Having long been a fan of this peculiar side-effect of american pop
culture, I'm glad to see someone's cataloging this Engrish phenomenon.
Some interesting things you may not know
In the mid 80's Bandai made a fortune-telling robot named God-Jesus.
If you could get a picture of the box, that would look cool on your
site...more clothes, those are the worst!
(Note from webmaster - the God Jesus toy is now in the "toy" section of the site.)
Submitted 6/27/98
LISA TRAXLER WRITES
This isn't Japanese, but it's amusing nonetheless.
Found inside a visitors' welcome magazine in a St. Petersburg Russia
hotel room (April 1994)...
"'94 Baltic Beer Fest!
Come sample beers from several countries.
Featuring both qualified and inebriated juries."
Thanks for the amazing site...I almost pissed myself a few times!
Submitted 6/12/98
JAMES GARRY WRITES
Last year in Sagamihara I guffawed heartily over a brand of bread
(white, naturally) that had,
"take me home, let's make happy in your basket" on it.
Even a comb wrapper had on it the following (rather sweet) haiku;
"Seasons change with the scenery. Weaving time in a tapestry.
Won't you stop and remember me. At any convenient time?
Am off to Nagoya this July and will take a digital camera so that I may
collect more Engrish.
(NOTE FROM WEBMASTER: Lillith wrote in to let me know that the above haiku -
although not technically a haiku - is a verse from the Simon & Garfunkel
song Hazy Shade of Winter)
Submitted 5/3/98
GOOD OL' RELIABLE NATHAN WRITES
Seen in a Tokyo hotel:
IT IS FORBIDDEN
TO STEAL HOTEL
towels please. If
your are not a
person to do
such thing is
please not to
read notis.
On a personal note, your site is the greatest thing I have seen in my
life. "your life with paper," I love it....
Submitted 3/8/98
BILL D WRITES
The owner's manual to my 1974 Datsun 260Z said,
"Jack for spare tire is rocated in front or rear compartment."
No kidding. "rocated." Wish I had a photocopy to give you but I sold
the car long ago.
Submitted 3/5/98
ANGE WRITES
I just discovered your great website recently....I'll have to see if I can
scan some of my favorites to send along to you. They include a bento box
napkin that says "When the livingroom curtains billow I feel unspeakable
happiness".....a child's notebook that reads "Happy Bun Bun--The neighbor's
dog come in and messed the garden"....and a hotplate that reads something
like "You put the cups and plates on the table. OK, let's have a branch
togerther (sic)! (I'm assuming they mean brunch but you never know)
I just bought this photo book at a used bookstore yesterday called "Japlish"
(it's out of print). Lots of great photos of t-shirts and jackets with
Engrish phrases.
Submitted 3/3/98
HEATHER MALONE WRITES
Loved the page, esp. Chocolate Collon!! I've actually eaten it before,
and it's pretty good! Thought I'd add one or two to your list.
Seen in a Bloomington Grocery Store:
"Hot Taste bowl Noodle"
"Crunchy Type American Snack" (sort of an Asain Bugle)
"Characteristics of Potato Snack"
"Special occasion Fruit Type pudding snack"
"Mon Chere Tonton" (sort of like a moon pie...only with cream stuff
instead of marshmellow..)
Submitted 3/2/98
JENNIFER JONES WRITES
"I want very much to be your boy."
"You are my Son."
-excerpts from love letters written to me in Summer, 1981 by some
Japanese teen-aged boys who were in Denton, TX trying to learn English.
Submitted 2/23/98
CORINNE'S CONTRIBUTIONS
my japlish contributions-
"thank you for coming in hokkaido" -- admittedly chotto gutter-minded
in
my interpretation of this one, but i suppose giving thanks is
always a
good thing.
"she's go-go tipe. where my queen?" -- on a toliet paper roll
holder,
naturally...
"when we cat, we get wild on instinct"
"a baby is on a car" -- this was one of those "child on board"
signs,
but i think this warns you of something potentially FAR more
dangerous!
i also recommend checking
out those cover things they put over the spare wheels on those
macho
looking vans you see around japan. they usually have some deep
philosophy about nature and putting life in your life, although
one of
my favorites is just a simple "where you goin', COWBOY?" which
gets me
laughing every time i see it.
thanks for a terrific page and especially for the picture of
violence
jackoff, which some of my friends didn't believe existed.
Submitted 2/23/98
JUDY
TALKS BUSINESS
The only thing I could contribute to your site is a business
story.
A large group had gathered for a meeting with the visiting president
from the main office of our Japanese owned company. Very ernerstly
and
in complete seriousness, he informed us that to continue to
waste money
was 'just rike pissing in window'. All in all, I guess it would
have
the same effect. We all bit our tongues and nodded in agreement.
They also could never understand our giggles as we walked around
singing
'Fa ra ra ra ra, fa ra ra ra' at Christmas time. It's the little
things
in life, isn't it?
Submitted 2/15/98
JOHN'S
COLLECTION:
I have a t-shirt from Japan which reads (I'm not kidding):
"Orange Juice Flight. Off the Road and Under Canvas." HA!
Have you ever had "Wow" cola? On the label it says: "Not gorgeous,
not
snobbish, not expensive. What we want is just simply what we
feel."
I was in Kyoto during the gulf war. I have a can of "Desert
Storm" cola. It
reads: "New Carbonated beverage for active people with fighting
spirit".
Submitted
2/1/98
ROLF
WRITES:
After visiting Japan about five times, I collected a few
of these myself.
Under the blazing sun on the beach at sunset
it's always you and the sound of waves that quench my thirsty
body.
Tomorrow, i'll let myself flow beyond the waves
as the sea breeze blows.
- Beach Boy Muscat Soda (Pokka)
ps: the list of phrases in the contribution from Robert Bogle
(down below) looks like it
was "lifted" (and without credit due... shocking!) from Paul
Haeberli's page:
http://www.sgi.com/grafica/japan/index.html
i should know, i helped him compile this list!
Submitted
1/21/98
GLEN MALLEY AND HYGEINE:
I was in the Parco mall in Kichijoji and was walking around
on the
third floor when I passed a rack full of hygeine items that
were
on sale. I stopped dead in my tracks. I then proceeded to laugh
out
loud, much to the dismay of my friend who had just realized
I had stopped
following her.
There, on the rack, was a row of bath massage salt products.
The product name? SODOM.
I don't know about you, but Sodom is the last thing I wanna
think about
when I climb into my bathtub. I really should have bought the
damned
things, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. ;-)
Submitted
1/21/98
BRUCE AND MERLE CONTRIBUTE:
I found the following once while reading travel book:
Amblazoned on the well endowed chest of teenage girl:
"Let's Flesh Milk!"
A teenage boy had a shirt reading:
"Shitty Boy"
Another amusing story I found somewhere was about General MacArthur
attempt
to win an election of some sort. It's basically an example of
the Japanese
mixing up their L's and R's. The Japanese public were apparently
'right
behind' the good General in his efforts and during one public
rally a large
banner read :
"We play for General MacArthur's erection".
(NOTE
FROM WEBMASTER: This MacArthur story is a famous one - people
are still
sending me different versions! Please stop.)
Submitted 1/21/98
FROM
SOMEONE WHOS NAME I CANNOT DECIPER:
Saw these two recently, thought I'd contribute too!
On a rain slicker:
"HEDONISM: it's just that i don't agree with Japan tradition
anymore.
its the way to life"
On a t-shirt worn by a primary school-age girl:
"My first marriage was one of convenience."
Keep up the good work!
AMY ON HITACHI:
My
favorite was the label on my tv in a Kurashiki hotel:
Hitachi.
Your personal life.
Every day it bring fresh wind.
And
then there was the very fashionably dressed woman wearing a
designer
shirt that said "Big Hussy."
A GEL STORY FROM MARK:
I just purchased some DEP hair styling gel from a discount store.
Upon
bringing it home I noticed that the familiar looking package
was graced
with Japanese writing! Ah! Funny... I hadn't noticed this in
the
store... I merely picked up a product based on its logo and
familiar package design
without reading the words.... the product was obviously intended
for the
Japanese market.
.... upon closer examination, there were these few English words
on the
product;
"Styling Gel" "SUPER WET AND HARD"
!!!!!!!!! WOW... now I'm REALLY going to get attention when
I go out!
*_*
MICHAEL TELLING ME ABOUT SOME PANTIES:
My all-time favorite? On the front of a pair of women's panties
in a
SALE rack display for WHITE DAY was written the profound words:
"The wind shifted south
romancing adventure."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
JERRY WEINSTEIN
GAVE ME THESE:
Seen
on a sweatshirt label:
"Going
ahead of the times
Always presenting a sense of
Freshness
You have the leading role
Greater Simplicity"
Same shirt but different label!
"Enjoy youself without worry
Reaching out to tomorrow
COMFORTABLE
WEAR IT TO DISCOVER IT;S WONDER
THE ENDJOYMENT OF GOOD SENSE
IN CLOTHING
GIM BROTHER"
Is there an obsession with sports, comfort or good sense here?
MESSAGE
FROM BETH:
One of my longstanding favorites was Everyburger (from the excellent
"Bourbon" company) but they redesigned the package a year or
so ago &
it's lost it's ineffable coolness. I treasure my one remaining
pkg of
"SHE HER HER Super Emission" mentholated sour peach lozenges--beautiful
design for pkg, foil wrapper, even the candy is lovely to look
at.
Here's copy from a little ruled notebook I bought, with kewpies
in
soccer attire on it: "Soccer Kewpie. Soccer is a great existence
beyond
languages and races. It's my energy, come onpower."
And, another: "The Bunnies are very gluttonous. Why don't we
put our
favorite flags on the omelets? Good Tasty!"
CATHERINE
PHIPPES WRITES:
We have scores of'em (Engrish), though from three or more years
ago.
Springs to mind the men's boxers sold in a local convenience
store:
Mighty Oak brand, reading "I only have one or two of something."
Not to be outdone, women's fashion can boast of "Fancy Pimple"
jeans.
Seen just days after our arrival it gave us pause to wonder
what we were
getting into.
JOHN
SUTTER Submitted the Following Engrish:
Seen on a teenage girl's t-shirt:
Super Greeful
Seen on another girl's t-shirt:
Love's good, but not as good as a wank.
Seen on a teenage boy's t-shirt:
I fuck therefore I am.
Restaurant name:
Live Curry
Seen on a hot food vending machine along an expressway:
" Your favorite menu is available for 24 hours.
The basics of 24-Hour Hotmenu is
Hot and palatable at any time and quickly!"
OLD
COCA COLA CAN:
The Japlish on the can reads -
"I
feel Coke & Sound Special."
"I
have the coke can in my office at work, and it definitely makes
for a good conversation piece!"
ZIPPY
COMIC STRIP
Check out this Zippy comic strip about Japanese English supplied
to me by Jun Akiyama:
Seen
on a high-school age girl's T-shirt in Nara:
"SPREAD BEAVER" (in big letters)
"Showing the Vaginal Area"
(in small letters below it, just in case you doubted the wearer
knew the meaning of Beaver.)
A
PERSONAL FAVOURITE
My personal favourite was one I saw on a teenage lad's tshirt
in Tokyo
about five years ago. It just said "Light up your sensitive
parts." Love
it.
- Stephen McCabe
ROBERT
BOGLE'S SUBMISSION:
The following slogans come from magazines like: Fusion planning,
Homme, Ad flash monthly, Romantic Oriental. The're quite dated
by now but still good fun, some are downright hillarious:
Crunky kids crunch chocolate.
Beach boy muscat soda.
Green breeze sound sofa.
wild idol life.
Ultra future wave.
Pure sports mind.
Brains organic form.
Music is career not hobby.
French, the first frenchman, not way of clotheing orthodoxy
style
imagination gives is to play active.
This session, clothes of duplex are stylish of old it's an active,
and it's
very functional well, and that's the losting a dandy heart always,
let us
make a proposal on the significant, of the men in the old cinema
of monochrome.
Of liberty dupleix theme of '89 spring camp; summer co-ordination,
birth to
creation, tradition make a exactly form. Dupleix.
For beautifull human life.
Colorful rainy days.
Exotic color.
Mood for the east.
Dream of gold.
Oriental breeze.
Grayish color.
Exotic print.
Super young island.
Voice of CD.
For the men being.
Beauty method for lady.
Open lady.
British way of life.
High styling office.
Power of suit.
The human furniture.
All the hotel.
This notebook is well bound with auto matic excellentic machine.
Makes you demonstrate your youth and pride.
Get acquanted with it and you will start a relationship that
will last a
lifetime.
Imposition of night club.
Declaration of latin chica boon.
Non-stop golden dance hour.
A happy pressent from earth.
Kissin' the movie.
Music lagoon.
Sound painting.
Jive passion talk.
Don't touch cookies.
Monday git you.
Catching no border.
Pocari sweat - ion supply drink <sounds realy.... eh refreshing....?>
I feel coke.
Aquarius for the whole body thirst situation.
This hi motion model incorporates many movable features and
realistic stuff.
The fanky tomato show.
Bandai brain bank media.
