Submitted
6/30/00
HELEN BLOCK WRITES:
A
Chinese co-worker of mine has a shirt she bought in Japan---
It is a striped pullover that has the following printed on one
of the stripes---
"Tender
Dose August 24, 1989" --- I've always been afraid to ask her
about that shirt...
Submitted
6/29/00
MARIKO WRITES:
This
is not exactly Japanese Engrish, but my friends and I are always
amused to go to Chinese
restaurants and read the instructions on the chopstick wrappers.
"Tuk
under thurnb and held firmly. Add second chcostick hold it as
you hold a pencil. Hold tirst
chopstick in original position move the second one up and down
Now you can pick up anything."
And
on the other side:
"Welcome
to Chinese Restaurant. please try your Nice Chinese Food With
Chopsticks the traditional
and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultual."
Submitted
6/29/00
RICK WRITES:
Hi,
some humour-based ones I know:
1.
On a blanket - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
3. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids
- LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT
POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD
INTO ANAL DUCT.
WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
4.
On a kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
Submitted
6/27/00
GARY DA SILVAWRITES:
I once
saw a teenage girl in Tokyo wearing a T-Shirt that proclaimed:
"Let's make violent sports together."
I also
remember a colorful vomit bag on the airport bus with a pastoral
cartoon illustration and the slogan:
"Let's keep the party clean!"
Though
off-topic, I must mention a sign I saw on outdoor ruins in India:
"Caution - steps may be slippery, especially during monsoons."
Submitted
6/27/00
CATHERINE WRITES:
I saw some
amusing Engrish while I was in a dollar store today. I came
upon a small wind-up Pikachu toy.
The title on the package was "The Fairy Walking". Okaaayyy...
I also
saw a little novelty sign saying "What goes around did come
around" With a drawing of a fire hydrant
peeing on a dog. Hehe I just had to share these. :)
Submitted
6/26/00
JENNIFER MAHER WRITES:
Last year
I received two stationery sets from a friend who was living
in Japan. Everything is typed exactly
as it appears on the stationery sheets!
SUMMER
LETTER SET #1 "Summer Dream" Make forget in usually are the
setting sun. It is sea of Carib here.
People laugh, sing, and dance. It is usual and first distant
here. It is first near however. It is sea of Carib that has
permanent summer felt. And dream in summer of the sun as there
is this is effective.
SUMMER
LETTER SET #2 "The Summer Vacation Is Wonderful (Dreamy Island)"
It is a distant old dream.
There straight blue sky and sunshine, sun and, there was sea
that continues to the last.I was for a small island,
as I recover consciousness.Ican't remember whether I do anything
there or not. I just memorize that the common
sky and sun and sea exist. Understand it isn't to say whether
the dream is a dream truely to tell the truth.
Submitted
6/20/00
CHRIS WINKLEMANN WRITES:
I once
received a ROM emulator for an early '80s Pac Man clone. It
was called Hangly Man. We thought
this was the coolest thing, and that the Japanese creators of
the game had just made up a random English
sounding word. Finally, one of my friends realized that it was
supposed to be "Hungry Man", but the
Japanese proclivity toward r and l substitution, plus a minor
vowel shift, had produced this new word.
Submitted
6/19/00
KEVIN DODGION WRITES:
On a recent
trip to the orient, a friend of mine who works in Japan was
confronted by a man selling T-shirts
outside the airport. The shirts were white with 3 words in bold
black block print. These words were:
"S**T , F**K , SATAN"
The guy thought these T-shirts were the funniest things going
because every American who saw them laughed
themselves silly (my friend included). The guy obviously had
no idea what these three english words meant.
I'm sorry that I do not have a picture of one to send you.
Submitted
6/10/00
DAN FLANNERY WRITES:
I have
a few stories of my own to share with you. My family had a Japanese
exchange student stay with us
for a summer a few years back. One of the products that he brought
with him was "Gatsby Finger Arranging
Styling Spray" hair gel. While he was with us, we went to a
picnic with some of the other exchange students
and their host families. One of the families was dismayed to
find that their middle-school-aged Japanese exchange
student's jacket said "Bitch". That still cracks me up because
it's so direct and out of context, although it's not as
funny as some of the swearing and sex reference clothing on
your page.
(NOTE FROM
WEBMASTER: Yes, the good ol' "Bitch" t-shirts (and
other apparel) created quite a stir in the
media a couple of years back. This is one of the rare instances
where foreigners in Japan really spoke out against
Engrish. So far no movement to banish bad English over there
though - thank God!)
Submitted
6/9/00
JAMES COHEN WRITES:
My Japanese
sister-in-law had a kitchen apron featuring a design of two
tiny kittens in flowery bonnets and summer
dresses. Next to the cute kitties was this inspiring note:
"I'm the
best pussy in the cat house."
My sister-in-law
does not speak much English, so I debated for many days whether
or not to tell her. Finally, unable
to resist the temptation, I explained to her in Japanese the
little joke. Well, she was shocked! and immediately stopped
wearing the apron.......
Submitted
6/8/00
ROBERT RANGER WRITES:
I remember
there was a Japanese toothpaste from the 50s called "Snot".
I wonder how well it sold?
Submitted
6/7/00
DIANE RUBINSTEIN WRITES:
Labels
on the underpants (Y-fronts) I bought for my father in a local
cheap clothing shop (2 pairs, one stripey, one plain):
"Crispy
Pigeon" (stripey pair)
"Utilty (sic.) Pigeon" (Plain pair)
Diane --
12 years in Tokyo (former owner of a "Hot Pork and Feet" T-shirt,
which I wish I had kept, and current owner
of a "Crispy Girls" long-sleeved top and an unused bar of "Arsoa"
soap)
Submitted
6/7/00
MATT CLOTHIER WRITES:
I think
apparel Engrish has kind of declined in interest over the 15
years I've been here--too much "breezy fashion for
exciting fellows" kind of stuff. My favourite slogans from T
shirts that I have actually owned are:
"Venice,
Italy: City of canals for woman motorcyclist" AND
ID
"you intend to guide your idea of identity, don't you?"
"for sure, I do."
Also, I
used to live right near a used clothing store (we're talking
Yves St Laurent and Gucci-type brand stuff here) that
was called Poop Dick. Unfortunately, one of the local gaijin
ladies must have finally clued the management in, and the
"i" was discreetly changed to an "e".
Submitted
6/3/00
JOHN WRITES:
A farm
breeding rabbits, was surprised and puzzled by visits from equally
surprised, puzzled, and uncomfortable
Japanese tourists who clearly were not at all interested in
their livestock. After several such visits, and patient questioning,
it transpired that the unfortunate Japanese had enquired as
to the whereabouts of the 'rabbatory'.....
(NOTE FROM
WEBMASTER: Is this story for real??)
Submitted
6/2/00
JONATHAN BYRNE WRITES:
Dydo has
recently come out with a new drink called Miu. According to
the blurb on the label:
"The
fact that deep sea water is 2000 years old makes it close to
the human body, with a balanced blend of minerals
that make it a daily essential"
It's weird
how Dydo usually hs syntactically correct English, but what
it says is totally bizarre.
On other
"fronts," today I saw a woman in downtown Chiba city wearing
a T-shirt which proudly displayed
the words "Trains Erotic Mode" across her chest.
Submitted
5/28/00
BJORN ERICSON WRITES:
Seen on
a middleaged woman‚s sweatshirt: "Parachuting - it seem
casual"
On a man‚s
shirt:
Homless
Maiking Trix
Reguler
On a notebook
("Campux Mate: aiming high is much valuable through one‚s
life") with a picture of an elephant with
mice in it‚s pockets:
"You
two can be fear nothing that you should have played in my pretty
pockets. You‚ld better play much wide and
light place. Shady spot isn‚t good for your health."
In Ginza
I spotted a shop that sold Discunt Tickets, it didn‚t look like
a brothel to me...
Submitted
5/24/00
LORING IVANICK WRITES:
As an English
teacher here, I encounter plenty of odd turns of phrase in student
writing, but after all, they are students,
learning. I love the ads, shopping bags, etc. supposedly put
together by someone in some company who _already_ knows
English. Hope these are interesting to you.
A T-SHIRT:
Aspiration
Wealthy confidence Try Postion
Destiny
The Daw of Civil 1953
There was no time better than present
Nobody Believes Such Thing Today
ROCK SONG
LYRIC:
Ah, at
the danceteria
late at night
Having shower of laser
stimulation
Put a
good shape front
Crazy about you tonight.
He's
eyes are beaming with mischief
I hope a bright future
is in sore for him
AD (for
bread I assume):
CONFISEUR
ANTENDO
Thousand Dreams in oven
We boast of the hand made merit...
It is reconsidered that the real hand made merit unchanped
since alden
times, and of spontaneous fementation. This sincere 'Ishiyaki-bread"
was thought out this way. We import Ishigama produced by Pavailler
that
French and the French engineer boast of, and we will introduce
it to you
that this real hand made bread created with the device unchanged
since alden times.
SIGN ON
RESTAURANT WINDOW:
We accept
orders to take away your curry.
AND THE
FIRST ONE I NOTICED IN JAPAN:
Just
now we are into sexy rock and roll and motorcycle Let's do
at once and have a pleasant time
Submitted
5/24/00
MARK SCHREIBER WRITES:
Although
"Pocket Wetty" is still going strong, my all-time favorite Japanese
product name was a series of single portion
microwavable foods, which enjoyed brief favor around 1990, with
the name "Dish of Quickie."
Also...
here's an advisory for expectant mothers from the Public Health
Center in Joetsu City in Niigata Prefecture:
1) Strain
yourself or push at the time of contraction and two hours later
a baby will come out.
2) A swell will be checked if there is, by pushing shin.
3) If your weight gains rapidly, it is a sign of swell or fatness.
4) If you pick up around your nipple come out 1 cm high, and
it'll be alright.
5) You'd better begin your sexual intercourse after the delivery
after the one mouth check-up with a doctor.
6) If you want to do a vowel movement don't stop.
7) After you vomit, you rinse your mouse and if you can eat,
eat.
8) You can do Üfoo, foo¹ naturally when you open your mouth
slightly.
9) Brasure can be for maternity one or nursing bra, so that
your breast can't be oppressed.
10) There are many differences of ideas in family but she felt
family bondage after delivery as a wife.
Submitted
5/20/00
MARK QUINN WRITES:
My favorite
seen on a shopping bag:
"Steam
Locomotive.... My very best friend."
Submitted
5/17/00
MARK MEYER WRITES:
In an outdoor
onsen in Kyushu - there was a sign by the water saying 'Beware,
you will be boiled' Classic!!
Also, in
a hotel, on the panel behing the main door, giving info about
fire precautions I saw the line
'In case of fire, try to use the fire ex-ting wisher' - nice.
Submitted
5/15/00
CHRIS RANDOLPH WRITES:
We used
to have Japanese businessmen visit a former workplace of mine
for training in our educational program. One
of the younger fellows had a sweatshirt that read SUBURB COUNTY
JAIL in big red letters.
There was
also the 80s Japanese anti-war punk band GISM, with their classic
song "Endless Blockades for the Pussyfooter."
Lyric sample: "You no notice the demagogue! You no notice the
bomb-bing! You no notice the death in action! Third Word!"
I believe the latter was meant to be "Third World."
I have
a recent re-release of an album by the late 60s Japanese answer
to The Monkees in their most psychedelic period, The Mops.
I have no idea if they meant they were 'mop tops', or if they
were mods, but either way it's funny right down to their theme
song
"I Am a Mop." They were very good musicians but not great English
students. Especially funny was their rendition of Jefferson
Airplane's "White Rabbit", which is slightly mangled throughout,
but ends in the stirring "Remember what the doorman said/
Keep your hat! Keep your hat!" Also funny and highly mangled
is their rendition of The Animals' "San Franciscan Nights",
in
which the city is referred to as "San Franciscan" even when
the noun "San Francisco" is appropriate. They dedicate the song
to
The Animals, "the number one grateful band." I think they meant
'great,' but considering the fact that the B side of The Animals'
UK release of "SF Nights" was "Gratefully Dead" I imagine The
Mops were 'correcting' their Engrish accordingly.
These aren't
Japanese, but are pretty darn funny:
In Guatemala
City I saw a boy, about 8, wearing a boy-sized T-Shirt reading
"I'm Only in It for the Beer!", and later that same day
a man wearing a shirt reading "Don't Mess with Me, I've got
PMS!" Indeed, that's a fellow not with which to mess. A lot
of the
tourism in the Antigua Guatemala area centers on trips to see
the volcanos, the Spanish word being 'Volcan", but sometimes
mangled
English signs will encourage you to climb up the "Vulcan." I
find that highly illogical, captain.
Submitted
5/15/00
KEVIN BOGART WRITES:
This is
possibly the best I've ever seen: When I lived in Ehime-ken,
I was walking in Matsuymama one fine Sunday morning
amongst the usual collection of elderly Japanese when I saw
a lady who was at least 85 years old wearing a T-shirt that
said
in big letters:
"MICRODICK"
... in
a clear parody of the Microsoft logo (think of those "Enjoy
Cocaine" or
"McDonalds/Marijuana" T-shirts). It must have belonged to her
granddaughter or some such.
Submitted
5/13/00
RANDY GRANT WRITES:
Going global,
a friend of mine once brought me back a tube of "Go Gay" shampoo
from Yugoslavia, and I have some
"Sissy Crackers" I picked up in Vietnam.
Submitted
5/10/00
ADAM SPITZER WRITES:
Here are
some photos of what I saw:
LEVI'S
SIGN IN SHINSAIBASHI
http://www.rhinebeck.com/adam/japan/photos/large/031levi.jpg
"Jeans life is her life. Whenever she puts on her blue jeans.
She feels freedom. Jeans life makes his life.
Whenever he wears his jeans jacket on he feels pioneer spirit.
Jeans life that is your life. Try jeans on.
You feel "LOVE"
DEER IN
NARA
http://www.rhinebeck.com/adam/japan/photos/large/033naracooky.jpg
"Deer's Cooky"
Submitted
5/9/00
CHRIS RODLAN WRITES:
Heres some
Engrish from the far shores of Saga-Ken. I drive past this place
every day on the bus:
"Snobs
Beauty Salon Since 1996."
And found
on a TShirt which unfortunatly was too small. In bright Pink
letters:
"An Erotic
relationship with proper names"
mmmmmmmmmmm.....
Also on a label of a TShirt which I have:
"We
Pleasure in making this shirt, Sewing is especially fun for
me!"
Submitted
5/7/00
LARS DAHLGREN WRITES:
Check this
one out, I can still remember it (by heart!) from a Japanese
pencilcase.
'The
forest is a paradise an animals [sic] here is a spring gushing
out! I am happy too see you!'
Is it just
me or does Engrish slogans conjure up vivid images of mentally
deranged marketing employees
with a Thesaurus?
Submitted
5/4/00
O BEEBS WRITES:
I saw this
one product that was essentially like giant Pocky (with chocolate
or white/vanilla cream dipping) except
there were little teddy bears imprinted on the thin cookie underneath.
The packaging was in a long thing hexagonal
box, and on the front is basically a giant picture of one of
the chocolate dipped pocky with some cartoon bears on it.
This product was called (I kid you not):
"Big
Teddy's Stick"
in big
blazing letters along the bottom of the box. I think this was
the first ever "x - rated" snack food I've ever seen....
I was going to buy it if only to show my friends, but every
single pack had been opened (and was expired to boot),
so I didn't. If I ever find this in another store, I am getting
it just for the novelty factor alone...
Submitted
5/2/00
CHRIS TAN WRITES:
Recent
ones I've spotted include a Pocky-type snack called 'TACT chocolate',
and a packet of grape gummy sweets
- that I'm sure most Engrish fans will have seen - that urges
you to 'enjoy the softness of gentle breeze that sweeps
through the vineyard spread vast on the hill'. Among my all-time
favourites are a schoolbag that said 'Fruit Panic'
and one that I think was Korean and not actually Japanese, a
notepad with a dreamy soft-focus picture of a rowboat
on a beach at the top of every page, and next to it the motto:
'Make the
most of today, because tomorrow you may not be here.'
Yup, that'll
cheer up a depressed friend....
Submitted
4/29/00
STEVE FOX WRITES:
Two more
great examples of Engrish for you:
While shopping
at National Azabu last winter, I saw a young woman in a thick
insulated coat tht had printed in large letters
across the back, "THIS COAT IS WARMER THAN MY FAMILY." Makes
you want to give her a hug, eh?
Down a
side street in Roppongi (on the way to the Franciscan Chapel
Center) is an advertisement for a bar:
"STICK TO COFFEE AND ALCOHOL"
Submitted
4/29/00
LIKA WRITES:
In Yokkaichi-shi,
Mie-ken there is an upscale Deli with the a poster hanging in
the window explaining to customers
there is "Flesh Meat" inside. I forgot the name of the Deli,
but it was there for at least two years and was still there
when I left.
Submitted
4/27/00
DAN LOVEJOY WRITES:
I had to
share a couple of my favorites:
A Snack
Food in a conbini. (C-Store) - Claps! (I told my friend, "You
know, I've just got be a hankering for some Claps!")
One of
our sweet parishoners brought these yummy barbecue chips which
had an interesting adjective attached to them.
They were "Ethnican Chips"
Submitted
4/25/00
BRIDGET WILDE WRITES:
Wanted
to share my personal favorite from a trip to Japan... While
there, I visited a fabric store, and in perusal of the
various fabric offerings, I found a piece of fabric in a particularly
nasty shade of taupe, with a brown design of teapots
and dining room chairs on it. I don't recall what it said by
the teapot, but by the chairs, there was a legend written in
the same brown, in sweet flowery script: "Shit on the chair..."
Submitted
4/23/00
F.A. CHRISTENSEN WRITES:
My wife,
who is Japanese, called me at work on 2 different occasions.
The first time she said if I wanted her to make a
cake for her, I should stop at the store and buy the cake mix.
When I asked what kind she wanted, she told me to get a
box of Donkey Hides (Duncan Hines.)
The second
call, which was also at work, but approximately 2 years later
was for me to stop at the store on the way home
and buy her a bottle of hair dye. She told me to get the same
kind she always used; Uterus, and then she spelled it ULTRESS,
and repeated Uterus.
(F.A. Christensen
reports that his wife's English has since improved...)
Submitted
4/21/00
JOHN E. KRAFT WRITES:
In the
late 1960s, the Ueno Park Zoo in Tokyo had a pretty good Monkey
House. To help produce proper interactions
between primate and man, the following sign was posted on the
cages: "Please do not close face to monkeys".
Submitted
4/20/00
BRYAN DECK WRITES:
While this
isn't as good as most of your collection I thought you might
enjoy this. Verbatim instructions (including spelling)
from some binoculars I purchased...
"Welcome
you to use this series of binoculars!"
"Wrapping up her apperance with rubber, you can feel more comfortable.
Whether travelling, watching sports comptitions
or enjoying the Mother nature's marvellous spectacle, the binoculars
can offer you help and add to endless joys."
Some maintenance
tips.... "Your binocular have been adjusted and calibrated accurately
in the factory, please don't dismantle
it at will."
"Don't make you binoculars baked or corroded, please."
Submitted
4/20/00
ANNA SUH WRITES:
I have
a t-shirt bought in Kanazawa. It's pink and red, with a cute
drawing of a Bambi-like fawn cavorting amongst flowers.
Above the picture the caption reads:
"Break
One's Balls."
Submitted
4/13/00
BILL AND KIM MYSINGER WRITE:
This bumper
sticker was a favorite for some of us in Yokosuka in the mid
'80s; it says it all:
"Let's
get tomorrow"
Submitted
4/10/00
KIM WRITES:
My friend
owns an organizer, featuring a girl sublimely playing golf on
the front. She appears on a series of stationery,
produced by a company called "Orange Story." On the organizer,
a caption reads: "I love Golf. You're best my Friend,
Golfer White." .... I'm assuming her name is White?
Another
Engrish Stationery siting: I own an organizer, with a cute front
page that reads: "The dream we were conceived
in will reveal a joyful race and the world." Whatever that means.
Submitted
4/9/00
SLAYDE WRITES:
A lot of
the stuff was meant to have cute inspirational words on it.
Printed on an agenda:
"love you tonight, and i will stay by your side. loving you,
i'm feel in midnight blue"
On a heading
of a stationary set:
"bone free. as free as the wind blows.as free as the grass grows"
"I left I again I long with you"
"bone free to follow your heart"
Then, on
a Sony alarm clock warranty, it read: "This warranty does not
cover cosmetic damage or damage due to acts of
God, accident, misuse, abuse, negligence, commercial use, or
modification, or to any part of the Product, incluiding the
antenna."
Then, a
little lower part it read: "REPAIR OR REPLACEMENT AS PROVIDED
UNDER THIS WARRANTY IS THE
EXCLUSIVE REMEDY OF THE CONSUMER. SONY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR
ANY INCIDENTAL OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES FOR BREACH OF ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY
.
Submitted
4/2/00
ELLEN DAVIS WRITES:
I spent
a semester in Japan in 1998 and have quite a few amusing souvenirs.
Two photo
albums: 1 says "Kitten: Dear me-- oh, dear me. All the cats
had come to tea."
The other says: "A Mellow Laugh: Refreshing Times Flow Gently."
Underneath: "That scene brings back an extremely fond feeling
in me. In the quiet sunlight, a comfortable breeze blows."
Tissues:
I saw this one brand that had pictures of cute baby animals
and said underneath, "Tissue of Kitten" or "Tissue of Puppy.
There were
also these mints that said, "A fresh wind will blow in your
mouth." That's actually pretty accurate!
Submitted
3/25/00
MARY TILLINGHAST WRITES:
I love
your site... my ex-boyfriend was in Japan a couple of years
ago and brought me a photo he'd taken of a shop sign...
it was a bookstore and apparently they were putting on a sale,
intending to say something like "fuck it, everything half price"
or something, but what the sign actually said was, in six-inch-high
letters,"WE FUCK EVERYTHING"
Submitted
3/25/00
FASAD WRITES:
Here's
something i found on the mitsubishi motors web-site:
"Abundant
product line of Mitsubishi-Motors will serve best to the needs
of your living whenever and whatever you are!!"
i love
it!!
Submitted
3/23/00
BRAD KADET WRITES:
Seen at
JR Sendai Station:
"For
rest rooms, go back toward your behind"
When you're
feeling lost and in dire need, just follow your behind! First
sighting in the venerable Japan Railways
Submitted
3/21/00
JOHN BREKKE WRITES:
Several
years ago, I sold state-of-the-art Japanese-manufactured hematology
analyzers. The average price exceeded $100,000.
In converting the Operator's Manual to English, the company
chose to use enlist-speaking Japanese technologists, rather
than
Japanese-speaking Americans. English colloquialisms were lost
on them. In specifying how the analyzer picks up the sample
(aspiration), the manual states "The Model HA950 sucks." (I
have changed the actual Model number.)
Submitted
3/19/00
ROCKY BRUNI WRITES:
A former
roomate of mine who was a flight attendant now says that the
"in" joke at the time was to say
(but not over the passenger intercom):
"We hope you enjoyed your fright. Please come and fry with us
again."
Supposedly
this really was said on JAL, though it now has the makings of
urban legend.
And then,
way off topic, there's Lufthansa...and my friend Paul Sac (I
don't think he'd mind the mention). Paul was on a flight
to NY from Germany and had ordered a special meal. Needing to
identify him in order to give him his meal, the flight attendant
said, in heavily-accented English, "Will passenger Paul Sac
please expose himself to the stewardess immediately..."
Submitted
3/18/00
STEVE L. WRITES:
I remember
a restaurant called "Nice eat you". Or a TV advertisement for
real estate that said "Home, homer, homest"
and others boasted about "beautiful human amenity life". My
motorcycle gloves have a catchy little poem that says,
"Through the city, through the town, you put these on, and let's
hang on!"
Lots of
great memories of my two years spent in Pluto.
Submitted
3/17/00
HARLOCK WRITES:
My own
little bit of Engrish.... Seen in a Honda Motorbike repair manual:
"No touching
earth wire, fatal eventuarity may incur."
Submitted
3/16/00
PAUL WRITES:
At a laundry
near my house it says - "Push button. Foam coming plenty. Big
Noise. Finish."
Submitted
3/7/00
MICHELLE WRITES:
Brought
back memories of my living experience in Osaka.
- Cigarette
vending machines every 5 feet, one with the slogan "It is a
common practice over there to offer each other
a cigarette as daily greetings." "So I heard. Cigarettes are
offered to the other to express friendliness and affection."
- Ad in
the Kansai Flea Market paper "Do you teach privates? Give yourself
the edge:..." meant to focus on language
instruction but who can be sure?
Submitted
3/6/00
ANN TOWNS WRITES:
After a
trip to Japan, my friend brought back a t-shirt from her hotel's
gift shop which read:
Okinawa
Vacation
It's so strange time!
Submitted
3/1/00
RICHARD YOUNG WRITES:
On the
train platform in Ichinomiya City, Aichi-Ken some years ago,
two teenage girls walked in front of me.
The back of their baseball style jackets read, respectively,
"Fancy Pimple" and "US Marines, the greatest fighting
farce on earth." I'm not kidding.
Submitted
3/1/00
JUSTIN WRITES:
I often
bought these fruit gummy snacks at a little store in New York
City. Each flavor had it's own lovely
engrish description.
Apple Gummy
Description: Every drop of fresh apple juice, carefully pressed
from the reddest apples,
shining in colors of the cheeks of a snow-country child, is
yours to enjoy in each soft and juicy
Kasugai Apple Gummy.
Grape Gummy
Description: Enjoy the softness of gentle breeze that sweeps
through the vineyard spread
vast on the hill in each soft and juicy Kasugai Grape Gummy.
Please
keep in mind that these gummys are juicy and delicious. Eating
them is almost as fun as reading the packaging. .
Submitted
2/29/00
JASON HOUGH WRITES:
On the
box for a toothbrush at our Hotel in Tokyo:
"Gives
you strong mouth and refreshing wind!" ..... Uh.. no thanks.
:)
Submitted
2/28/00
BARBARA WRITES:
Here is
one, copied while across from this business man on a train.
He had his gym bag propped in his lap
and it read:
Let's
enjoy good sports together
Perfect for the guy who likes sports
For the guy with guys
Let's have a good workout
I found
it mightily inspiring
Submitted
2/26/00
SONJA NELSON WRITES:
The outside
of a package for a sweet potatoe dessert read:
"The
spirit of OKASHI. It is what gives a peaceful and pleasant
mind to the human race. All the time,
man seeks romance in the OKASHI. We have been working hard
and carefully, and work on. To
weave the romance and the fancy into each OKASHI. This, at
last, we have made up "The
HAKATA-SEIYO-WAGASHI". If you taste the feeling and the spirit
of the OKASHI which value
tradition and living in the times, there is no pleasure better
than it."
Submitted
2/24/00
SCOTT DALTON WRITES:
I used
to live in Japan, and of course developed a fondness of Japanese
Engrish. I had a complete set of
"Mr. Friendly" accessories (cups, coffee mugs, pencils, notebooks,
etc.)... He was essentially a stick
figure type guy with an deceptively evil smile. I can't remember
all of the fun stuff, but here are some
prime examples :
Mr. Friendly!
Your Best Ally!
He steals in your mind to lead you into good situation!
Mr. Friendly!
Legular Size!
Copyright
Best Planning Group
ALSO,
from SUB BASS SNARL (2/10/00):
Found on
a Mr Friendly plastic wallet in Sydney, Australia
"Helps
you out in any shituation"
Submitted
2/24/00
JOSHUA WRITES:
Three stick
out in my mind:
The first
was for a health food cafe that promised "wild but safe" meals.
The second
was for some chocolate raisins we bought at the Sumo Basho.
It promised to "send us to the dream world!"
The third
was for a pack of rice tea cakes being sold in a bus stop outside
of Tokyo. The package began:
"Burning politely, one by one, these cakes send deliciousness
to you."
Submitted
2/22/00
ANGELA COPELAND WRITES:
In a discount
toy store, I saw the following label on a children's plastic
"cellular phone" made in Japan:
HAPPY!!
TALKING PHONE
For the child business
Happy in talking
just like it is for the other one
Joy happy!! talking pleasures
Submitted
2/21/00
ROB SAYER WRITES:
I remember
my friends and I were out at a local mall when a Japanese tourist
walked by wearing a green and
red leather jacket with coloured stitching on the back, inside
what I assume was a baseball. The print read
(I swear I am not making this up):
"100
% A-1 All American Point Boys"
I assume
it was supposed to make him look All American, but when I read
it, I laughed so hard I was in tears.
The poor tourist thought I was loony.
The other
one I saw was during my coffee break downtown. Another tourist,
this time wearing a backpack
with what I assume was a demonic hello-kitty, under which read
the caption:
"Satan
Cat Love for enemies of friends."
I still
don't know what this one means. I'm afraid to find out.
Submitted
2/18/00
LAURA POSEY WRITES:
I've got
a few engrish items to add to your site:
There is
a type of cracker stick, similar to Pretz called "Pecker".
My comforter
had "Milky Love" written all over it.
I went
to a second-hand clothing store in Sapporo, and on the rack
with the sweatshirts, there was a big sign that said "Used Sweat".
I bought
a sweatshirt for a friend at the Nagasakia department store
in Nakashibetsu, Hokkaido that read:
FATALISM
We may have overlooked
Irritable bowel syndrome is two to three times more common
I bought
a shirt for my mother at the Chitose, Hokkaido airport that
read:
NORTH
ISLAND HOKKAIDO
With our motto to take precious carey, gods gifty nature,
and to create weathy Hokkaido.
I have
a ruler with cartoon raindrops on it that reads:
WET AND
HAPPY NATURALLY
Ameo and his friends are famous posers.
What could be more fun than a pose?
It's more high fives all around!
A junior
high school in Hokkaido got t-shirts for the entire school to
wear for sports day that read:
SON OF
A BITCH!
Submitted
2/17/00
JIM CROFT WRITES:
Took me
back to my years in Hong Kong, where I had the pleasure of purchasing
a large blank photo album
emblazened with the legend "A Balmy Field - Mama makes
delicious picnic lunch, also including honey."
I keep it close always.
Submitted
2/12/00
MIKE D WRITES:
My company
sends me to Japan for extended trips frequently, and one hotel
where I stayed had an attached
restaraunt called the "Red Onion". A big poster advertising
the restaraunt had this slogan:
"Happy
Your Pocket!"
Submitted
2/12/00
HYPO MANIAC WRITES:
Scripted
across the back of a jacket of an old lady riding a bicycle
in front of me, causing me nearly to ride off the road:
"Really
Fucking Exciting"
Submitted
2/4/00
JENNIFER HOPKINS WRITES:
I worked
as an Importer of gift bags, decorations for holidays, and the
like. For the Halloween season,
we had ordered, quite to my surprise, "Grow in Dark Witches
with Dicks" according to the invoice I
received from our vendor in Korea... hmmmm, I thought I'd ordered
glow in the dark, riding on
broomsticks witches. Our entire staff meeting was in tears at
the imagery.
Submitted
2/3/00
JO CHEW WRITES:
This phrase
is lifted from my pencil box:
They
went out of the house and headed for the park.
After arriving at the park.
and it
ends! It says the same thing twice on the pencil box, and for
10 years now i've been wondering
what happens after they went to the park.
Submitted
1/31/00
JULIET RICE WRITES:
A sign
in manza onsen resort/hotel read, "be considerate...think for
others"
A package
of tea biscuits had this little phrase, explaining just how
dry these biscuits are,
"a drink's too wet without one"
Another
t-shirt- "mcdonald's motherfucker" what i would give for this
t-shirt
This is
on a notebook i received as a present:
"this paper is excellent quality and royal to learn. put pen
to this paper."
One last
thought: on some stationery, which has little dancing pills
and needles as "mascots" reads this little quaint phrase:
"if you missing me, you can just take some medison."
Submitted
1/29/00
DONNY HO WRITES:
From the
manual to my first motorcycle...
"HORN-BUTTON:
tootle horn melodiously at the dog who shall sport in roadway.
If he continue, tootle him with vigor."
Submitted
1/29/00
MEGAN CARBERRY WRITES:
My favorite
example is of a pair of little girl's panties I saw decorated
with a cute panda bear, birds,
flowers and the words:
NOBODY
KNOWS WHERE IT IS
THAT'S A DARK AND LONELY PLACE
Submitted
1/24/00
MATT GOODIN WRITES:
My ex-wife
had a t-shirt from Japan that read: "Sailing dinghy is baby
gang" We never could figure out what they were even trying to
say . . .
Submitted
1/19/00
PAUL PEDERSON WRITES:
The floor
mats on my Toyota MR2 read "A man in dandism, new rich and sports".
Submitted
1/3/00
ANNA CUMMING WRITES:
I also
have a t-shirt emblazoned with 'Adventures in Dickland'. Sums
up two years in Japan quite nicely really!
