Help Oneself…

Help Oneself…

posted on 20 Oct 2005 in Chinglish

Just hit the execute button… 

 

Machine found in China.

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audinac
audinac
13 years ago

Spits debit card @ 550 mph straight into your heart

Rayquaza
Rayquaza
13 years ago

If you wish to make a withdrawal from this world, press 1.

I R Speak Engrish
I R Speak Engrish
13 years ago

so… why aint everyone rich in china?

SergeantJack
SergeantJack
13 years ago

Assisted suicide made easy.

Ben
Ben
13 years ago

To doughnut You’re Organs Press 1
“To Donate your organs Press 1”

Mick
Mick
13 years ago

Although possessed of an intimidating Austrian accent, SkyNet’s first efforts at exterminating humanity were… less than successful.

Walter
Walter
13 years ago

Skynet: the early years!

Kevin
Kevin
13 years ago

“Would you like a receipt sent to your house?”

Joe
Joe
13 years ago

Would you like to print out a receipt?

Anonymous
Anonymous
13 years ago

It will end you.

Jim H
Jim H
13 years ago

Press 1 to continue in Engrish.

Anonymous
Anonymous
13 years ago

Euthanasia supported in Asia

linrn
13 years ago

Do it yourself suicide, or free assisted suicide? You decide.

Comma
Comma
13 years ago

Used only once, by the person who made the translation…

vahid
vahid
13 years ago

any special burial instructions?

ed
ed
13 years ago

This avoids your family having to pay for the bullet.

Thanatron?
Thanatron?
13 years ago

Jack Kevorkian’s favorite gadget!!!

the 9 lives of trouble
the 9 lives of trouble
13 years ago

is this the chinese bank that bought wamu and lehman bros.?

Seamus
Seamus
13 years ago

One of the earlier Terminator prototypes

joe
joe
13 years ago

its the freakin suicide both from futurama

Sasha
Sasha
13 years ago

When the economic crisis hits home.

Kees
Kees
13 years ago

Step 1: insert card
Step 2: press little red button
Step 3: wait for countdown

jack
jack
13 years ago

if you plan to end your life, just visit the machine and it will do the rest for you!! happy dying!!

Kamikaze
13 years ago

Whooo needz a machin?

KAMIKAZE!

Corwyn
Corwyn
13 years ago

Self help: chineese style!

(And I thought American self-help was evil….)

topofcool
topofcool
13 years ago

This explains the rumours behind Harold Shipman’s having made a killing in China….

name
13 years ago

Futurama much?

Luna
Luna
13 years ago

And, only available in Japan, a Sepukku guard can be there to chop your head off! Happy dying!

Carly
Carly
13 years ago

Easy. effective, and almost legal!

bubbathesnubba
bubbathesnubba
12 years ago

click here to die in either spanish, japanese, or engrish

igiboydeguzman
igiboydeguzman
12 years ago

Have a good die…

Dying in hell
Dying in hell
12 years ago

Let’s hit the bloody button and die and go to hell

Bree
Bree
12 years ago

Just like the suicide machine in futurama! Except those were phone booths…

Moo
Moo
12 years ago

Terminators older lazier brother

Rosela
Rosela
12 years ago

Dr. Kevorkian’s latest invention

Shafalus
Shafalus
12 years ago

Chase introduces the new and improved HOTM.

Murder made easy and simple, all over the world

ShadowClone
ShadowClone
12 years ago

Use this machine once and “YOU WON’T BE BACK!!” “Hasta la VISA, baby!!” 😀

neenz
neenz
12 years ago

The “Dying Here is Prohibited” sign must be in the parkade to this building…

bridget
12 years ago

FINALLY! The Dems and Rep have come to a compromise! Do it yourself Death Panels!

anonymous
anonymous
12 years ago

Seems that they translated 自助 (meaning self-service) into “help oneself”, while 終端 (terminal) into “terminating maching” (the word “終” itself can mean terminating/ending). The whole Chinese word should mean “self-servicing terminal”. This kind of character-by-character mis-translation seems quite common in mainland China. One of the funniest mis-translation would be they mis-translated the simplified Chinese character “å¹²”. Somehow they mis-translated it into “f*ck”, while it should mean “dry/dried” in that case. Originally in traditional Chinese, the word “dry” (ä¹¾) and “f*ck” (å¹¹) are different characters. But in simplified Chinese they have combined into the same characher “å¹²”. People who learnt only… Read more »

drumming_panda
drumming_panda
12 years ago

Having trouble committing suicide? Just buy our Help Oneself Terminating Machine! Makes life easier when it comes to self-termination!

bobdog
12 years ago

save your money jaz enough to buy a coffin before u touch this machine!

Tim
Tim
12 years ago

Reminds me of the ‘suicide booth’ from the first Futurama episode.

Jwaz
Jwaz
12 years ago

Look, I know China’s population is unwieldy, but this is ridiculous.

don
don
12 years ago

would you like to be stabbed to death? how many times? please wait while we prepare your death… thank you!

Lala
Lala
12 years ago

i’m agree with don…congratulation….

ergerg
ergerg
12 years ago

Suddenly, Futurama is becoming real.

DrLex
11 years ago

After the other Terminators had failed, Skynet tried a more stealthier approach. Unfortunately this plan was also flawed, as John Connor always used his 1337 h4xx0r credit card cracking device instead of his actual credit card.

tai fu
tai fu
11 years ago

This shows you can’t expect to have quality translation if you do character by character (or word by word). Might work for English to German or back but not Chinese.

Dan Mo
Dan Mo
11 years ago

Every button is a self-destruct

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